Kyion's Blue Dream

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I've never ran so fast in my life

The immediate danger is gone so there is no need

So why can't I stop?...

The image of Suurin hurt and in tears still burns in my head

My bride and now the one who carries my seed in his belly is hurt and crying into my shoulder

And this fills me with rage

Rage to take any revenge possible

And do anything to keep them safe…

To keep my darlings safe

But I'm the one who failed them

First I fail my promise to never hurt my bride and now I have a promise to a child to fail also…

As Kyion ran his body was working overtime to get to the temple house fast, jumping over log and tree swiftly and never missing a beat practically flying through the forest but his mind was racing even faster, desperate to get Suurin to Yuki as fast as possible with no care in the world as to what or who was in his way.

And for the first time in a long time, Kyion felt his vision go blurry with falling teardrops as he sobbed into Suurin's hair all the way to Karu's where he promptly kicked down the door and ran in screaming at the top of his lungs for Yuki and Karu until he fell to his knees out of breath while cradling the blood-covered Shiyūdōtai as close to himself as possible as if some cruel force would rip his beloved and child from him.

Karu was the first to hear the loud slam of the door being broken down which made him grab for his dagger as Yuki came running into his bedroom to ask him if he was alright but when they both heard Kyion's desperate and fearful cries for help they both came running down the stairs as fast as they could to find him crying weeping into Suurin's hair begging every kami he could name to spare his beloved ones.

Yuki grabbed his medical bag and ran to his uncle and Suurin where he began to help treat the wounded leg but after he pulled off the heavy layers of coats to treat the rest of the leg he stops and gasps in fear when he sees blood around Suurin's thighs.

"Uncle we have to get him into a bed now!"

Kyion stops praying and looks down to see the cause of his nephew's alarm only to silently lower his head in despair as he handed Suurin over to his nephew who then picks up Suurin's small frame and takes him to his medical office.

Kyion then buries his face in his hands as he lets himself collapse onto the floor trembling and screaming silently with heartbreak and anguish.

"...the baby...the baby is dead isn't he!"

Karu picks his grandson up into his arms and holds the crying man the same way he had held him as a teenager when his brother had died and lets Kyion rip and tear at his bright yellow kimono and scream into the bright fabric.

"Karu...I tried...to not be like my Otōsan! I tried so hard but I hurt them...I KILLED MY OWN CHILD!"

"no, you didn't sweetheart it was a terrible tragedy and not your fault!"

"No, I did this!... I pushed him away and that was the only reason he was so close to the river!... I didn't mean to push him away I was just being selfish and scared!"

"Kyion it's natural to be scared when you love someone and especially if it's you're first time loving someone but you need to remember to not keep it all inside"

"What good is it now!...my son is dead...my poor little one...he never even got a chance...never got to see his Daha's face and…"

He stops tearing at Karu's robes and hugs him as tightly as he can and whispers in a broken voice.

"...and I never got to hold my baby...my son...my poor son Otōsan was supposed to protect you but he didn't and...he's sorry...he's so sorry!..."

He breaks down again and Karu gently rocks him as tears fall down both of their cheeks.

"Kyion my boy I know your hurting and I am also but this doesn't have to be the end ...in fact I know you'll be a good Otōsan"

"No Karu!...never again…"

There is nothing that Karu can say so he just holds his grandson and lets the man cry until late into the night when Kyion's cold stoic mask returns and he leaves to walk solemnly back to the temple house where he then tries for hours to pretend that he is fine by doing all the things that he would normally do at this time of night other than rest.

He finishes all his papers and cleans the kitchen and sharpens all his swords but any moment that there is stillness he finds his mind wandering and he finds himself lost in his darker thoughts so he finds more work to do.

Soon it's morning and he is a sleep-deprived and disheveled mess driven kleptic by running out of distractions from his sorrow which prompts him to go down to the stables to go see the horses only to see some of the village children already on their way to school or training and he feels like his heart has broken all over again at the sights of their smiles and cute rosy cheeks.

He swiftly walked back inside and slammed the doors and decided to try and work at something anything else but he found that now everywhere he looked he could imagine what a small child would be doing there like playing by the windowed gardens or sitting in the kitchen waiting for Suurin to make mochi like the ones he gave to the children that came by or running into his study to cause mischief.

He found himself aimlessly walking around tormented by those sweet after images never to come almost looking for any of the signs of a child existing even though he knew there was nothing.

He went to his office and took out all of the neat papers and scattered them all over the floor they way Yuki had done when he was young and he found himself sitting in silence downing as much rice wine as he can until he can no longer sit up straight dreaming lementfuly of what his son would have looked like.

He dreamed up so many scenarios such and a boy with his eyes and Suurin's hair or Suurin's eyes with his nose but he couldn't help but think of a little Shiyūdōtai that was the spitting-image of his Daha being just right.