The truth is

The only words that stood out in that sentence were her pain.

"You were in pain?" Haruka trailed off and scanned her up and down. Was it an injury?

Lila rolled her eyes and giggled. "It wasn't a physical pain."

A relieved sigh passed his lips. "I don't like the idea of you being in pain."

"I know that too. This entire time, I wondered what we were both doing? We both have deep feelings for one another, so why did it become so complicated? During the time we were apart, whenever I had time, I would think and think about it, and I realized we never really talked."

Haruka didn't say anything and continued to listen.

"No, we talked but only about superficial things. Even when we discussed serious topics, it would go one ear out of another like we never had that talk at all. We would go around in circles, never finding a proper solution, because both of us believed we could handle the matter ourselves and never searched for a solution together."

'I also came to that same conclusion. Although part of this issue was me resolving everything through physical intimacy, Lila was at fault too.'

"Whenever you told me you trusted me, I never believed you. Did you understand why?"

"I think so, but I would like to hear it from you."

"Initially, it was because of my jealousy towards Kiryu. I thought you were only saying that for show to reassure me."

"But?"

"But later on, I realized it was not like that at all. You unknowingly created a wall between yourself and others. Whenever they get too close to you, you would unknowingly push them away. It was the same with me, too; whenever your feelings for me grew, you would take a few steps back."

"The truth is Haruka, the incident with my mother leaving for seven years impacted me more than I realized. I had no mother by my side, your father was in a coma, and my father broke down after my mother left. My elder siblings were elsewhere. I was all on my own. Perhaps it was due to the impact of my father being abroad, but my mother kept me close by her side ever since I was born. She shielded me from harm, so when that shield of protection vanished. I realized for the first time how alone I was."

Haruka could not miss her pained tone. Alone? How could that possibly be the case? If only he had met her when she was a newborn. If the old man took him with him, then perhaps there was a chance they could have met sooner.

"Then it occurred to me as I grew up trying to be independent. The more you rely on someone, the more of yourself you will give away. I hardened my resolve."

So that was the reason why he figured that was the case. He wasn't exactly in the best state when both his parents abandoned him. Although his mother tried to get him back when he was a teenager, it was already far too late.

"It must have been difficult."

He truly meant this, understanding her pain. The only difference in their situation is that he had to scramble the streets for food and do odd jobs to get money. Who would hire a kid who has nothing? No education or no backing?

"When I finally settled down and realized my mother would not come back. I went to the kitchen; there was no food or ingredients in the fridge. But I was hungry. I knew where mother kept money; she showed me before, so I had no problems getting money. I had to go to the store alone and buy things; it was scary. All the adults were looking at me oddly; at first, there were some helpful ones. But when people realized whose child I was, they withdrew their help and looked at me with pity. I took a bunch of random things, paid, and quickly headed home. I tried cooking for the first time, but I was so small, it was hard to use items larger than my own hands."

As Lila explained her circumstances, he felt himself clench his fist. 'This is one of the reasons why I could not forgive that woman; how dare she leave Lila alone?'

"I was doing this alone for a while, making bad meals for myself when I bumped into Asuka-san when I was in the supermarket. She didn't look at me with pity, but she had the same pained gaze in her eyes. She picked me up and then gave me a key. 'If you're hungry, you can come over anytime.'

It seems the servants were informed of this, so the kitchen always had plenty of food. Kiryu would always appear just in case somebody said anything bad. I didn't have to worry about meals anymore, but I felt bad coming over so much so I still secretly practiced when I could."

'Their circumstances are different. Some people would argue that Lila is more fortunate; at least she had a roof over her head and money. But, there is no need to compare our situation. Both of them suffered hardships due to their parents' neglect. That is one of the many things they do share in common.'

"It twisted me in more ways than I could possibly imagine. Although my mother's friends tried to show me warmth and love, it was not the same. What I needed was my family. By the time I realized how it had affected me, it was too late. Even if I trusted people, there was always this voice telling me in the back of my head. 'They will leave if I give my heart to them.'" Lila trailed off and laughed. "Despite my own fears of being left alone, at the end of the day, I was the one who left you."

Haruka shook his head. "Please do not blame yourself anymore. Lila, I truly didn't blame you for this. After all, I figured it out, especially when Rikka appeared. You were always frightened of the possibility of me leaving you for her. My behaviour and actions did not help ease your doubts either. I should have cleanly cut her off."

'Even if I did have regrets, I should not have spent so much effort on another woman who was not my wife.'

Lila laughed. "I wonder what we are doing? It is far too late to say all this stuff, and yet I felt that the moment your memories returned, we ought to discuss important matters like this."

"No, even if you did not bring this up, I would have done it."

'Though if I were to be completely honest, it would have been difficult for me to approach this topic by myself.'