Accept, Then Act

*Unedited version

What happens after someone dies? Everyone had their answer to this. I also had mine.

I always thought everything ends after death: no heaven, no hell, nothing.

I didn't expect the after-death experience to be so... surreal.

In the darkness, I couldn't feel my body. All I felt was as if I was floating. It sounded illogical, but it was hard to describe what it was.

And the fact that I could think just made it even more peculiar.

'Still it felt really bad, being eaten that is.'

Before I could contemplate more, a pink light flashed. Surprisingly or not, I could feel my body again, and another body pressed on me.

Everything rushed in like a tide throughout my being, the memory, fear, pain, and headache. Everything was hazy, and I couldn't even think properly. The whole fucking world was spinning. Fortunately, my body reacted on its own.

I tried to push my assailant, and surprisingly I was successful. I heard a familiar yelp, but I couldn't think much about it. As my face twisted in fear and pain, and the familiar headache tried to burst open my pitiful brain. But, the only thing I wanted at that time was to run.

I rolled my body to the side and actually fell. My body hit something hard, increasing my pain even further. While gritting my teeth, I turned my body and tried to get up. Thankfully, my vision was getting more apparent by the passing of time. But I had no time to waste.

"Erik!" I heard someone call out my name, and a hand tried to grab me.

Screaming, I roughly slapped the hand away.

Soon my vision cleared, and my breath halted as I looked at the person in front of me. Tears fell down my face.

She also stared at me with a concerned, frightened expression while tears filled her eyes. But what about the sinister thing behind it?

"Please… stay away from me," I cried as I pushed with my outstretched legs to move away from her while still sitting.

Then she began to sob, making my heart feel cold.

"D-don't cry please. I-I am sorry. So please," I begged, totally frightened out of my wits. What if X came? Or sent someone to eat me?

But, my body didn't stop moving until my back touched the wall.

I looked around and found out that I was actually in my room. I pulled myself up and dashed towards the nearest door with everything I could muster.

I closed the door shut and tried to lock it in desperation, but Amelia tried to open it from outside while crying, "What are you trying to do?"

"Please leave me alone for sometime." I struggled, breathing in and out rapidly, hoping for that stupid ability or whatever it was to work.

"Then… then don't do anything to yourself."

"Why the fuck would I? Can't you see I am scared of you??!!"

Her movements behind the door stopped, and my heart shuddered in dread. I started sweating profusely.

"Dumb fuck" I cursed and thought of opening the door—only for a second—before locking myself in the bathroom.

All of a sudden, my stomach churned, and an intense feeling of nausea struck me. I was leaning on the toilet seat in no time and vomiting bitter chunky substances.

After an unknown amount of time, I sat with my back on the door. There was a pin drop silence. I was comparably better than before, besides the after effect of intense vomiting.

I was more concerned about the reaction of X. Even though I tried my best not to recall those disturbing scenes; I couldn't help but think about the possibility of X being connected to the monster.

Before experiencing it myself, I never believed in the talks about these monsters. The rumors started more than a hundred years ago, sometime after the mysterious event that shook my nation, Brislaine.

Even though many people debated their existence, I didn't care much about it as they were just some arguments without concrete evidence. Of course, that was the past.

Right now, I had to make a sound judgment. After all of this, I understood that I was always overconfident and used to think that I was some smartass, but the truth was different. I made horrible decisions after assuming things stupidly.

I stood up and then rinsed my mouth and cleaned myself. After that, I forced my trembling hand to unlock and open the door.

Amelia was sitting on the floor, and when she saw me, she immediately got up. Her eyes were puffed red, and she still had that concerned expression on her face.

It was clear that she wanted to approach me, but she didn't. It must be because of what I had said. I fought my urge to flee and walked towards her before tightly and forcibly hugging her.

She reacted after a few seconds and embraced me back. Her grip was firm; she was frightened just like me—frightened by the unknown.

Without saying anything to each other, we stayed like that for some time. Then I whispered to her, "I am sorry," I genuinely apologized for what I did before that monster got me.

She shook her head and said, "You don't have to."

"I am sorry for acting like that. I am a bit tired so we will talk later, okay?"

"I understand, dear. You can talk to me about anything." She said softly and clearly.

"I will, don't worry."

After a while, we were lying on the bed sticking close to each other. I didn't expect things to develop so quickly. I expected to be more hesitant and fearful, considering how I acted before. But, instead, I was being comfortable with her and had actually pressed my head on her chest just like before when everything was normal.

I closed my eyes as I listened to her heartbeat and inhaled her invigorating, comforting scent. Maybe it was because of her action of caressing my head, silently showing that she was with me. Or perhaps it was because of what happened in the forest, where I understood that I still loved her.

It might also be due to my decision to go with the flow and accept whatever the present held.

X kept on becoming even more unfathomable in my eyes with the passing time. If X was related to those monsters, then it was also possible that X was associated with the mysterious event. With that train of thought, I could also assume that X sent the monster as a warning…?

Amelia stopped caressing my hair and instead pressed my face further into her soft chest. Thanks to the sensation, I almost got off track with my thoughts. Now, it was my turn to gently stroke her back. As I did, her grip slightly relaxed.

In any case, even if X were not connected to all of them, which seemed extremely unlikely, I would still follow my decision: Accept, then act.

Rather than struggle against X, which I was unconsciously doing, I chose to work with it.

'Wait… struggle against?'

I had no idea why but all of a sudden, I recalled all the situations where I tried to use the so-called breathing technique.

Why did I fail half of the time? I felt like it was because I was going against the flow of my emotions. I had felt so many kinds of emotions in different scenarios in so little time. That left me confused and exhausted. But, thinking about it again, even though I did the same thing every time—using my self-assumed ability—it was the same only on the surface level. My responses varied depending on the situation.

When Uncle Drew came, my hope was rejuvenated, and I even felt a little excited with the possibility of dad being alive. At that time, I buried my emotions. When I went to see Amelia and trembled with fear, instead of suppressing it, I accepted and regulated it. It was just that the process was so inhumanly fast that I thought of it as some ability.

Later on, when I fucked up, and shit went down, I tried to cut off or, more like, suppress them forcibly. My state of mind was too agitated. But then, how was I even successful on the first try?

'Ah! There was a big difference between them.'

In one case, I was accepting my emotions as they were, and in the other, I was trying to fight against them.

Theoretically, this sounded fine and all, but how to even do this practically and consciously? I felt like I was at least on the right path. Now I just had to explore slowly.

Unknown to myself, while I was contemplating, I was also breathing in a particular rhythm, slowly and gradually, falling into a deep meditative state.

The next day, when I woke up, I was relaxed and satisfied since this time it felt natural.

Amelia was not in the room. I considered for a moment and decided to start the day normally.

After freshening up, I went out to find Amelia sitting at the dining table.

I walked towards her, bent down before kissing her head, and greeted her without hesitation.

"Good morning, beautiful."

She smiled at me and replied. "Good morning."

She patted the chair beside her and continued. "I made something for you."

I raised my brows but still sat beside her. Picking up my mug, I saw that she had made green tea for me… wait, green tea?

I soon got the answer in the form of a fishy smell. My lips twitched, and I glanced at Amelia in question, who continued smiling and told me, "It's not green tea, but it will help you—"

Before she completed her sentence, I steadied myself and took a big gulp with the thought that she had already given me so much pain, so I might as well get a stomach ache.

The result was unexpected. It was cool and refreshing, leaving behind a surprisingly fruity flavor in my mouth. It was excellent.

"—to consolidate your gains."

I mentally intoned, "Oh! So it helps me consolidate… my... gains...."

My lips twitched once again, and my hand froze as the realization struck me like a hammer.

I slowly glanced at the person beside me while droplets of the green liquid fell down my lips.

And a brief silence followed.