Too weird to be a Granny

Setting foot in the house was the equivalent to starting the third world war. My mother, popping out of the living room where she waited for me for the last two hours, started screaming like a bird. Her cries screech against the faint ears of a person who has managed to get sick only by drinking beer.

«Where have you been Jane? I called you all morning, young lady! I was already about to ask for help to the police»

Even? I didn't think a night out could cause all this tragedy, especially knowing that I was accompanied by Jace's deputies.

I pursue my lips and try not to have any reaction that could worsen the situation, such as making a squalid joke or highlighting the fact that it is almost normal behavior at my age.

Catherine continues with her questions: why didn't I answer her? Do I realize the gravity of the situation? I know what dangers I could have faced? And why didn't Charlie call her back either?

Thus, recalled by those screaming questions, Grandmother Josephine also appears in the entrance hall. Her extravagant Disegual style dress is an eyesore, in total contrast with the bare white walls and, inevitably, I look at her, generating even more anger in my mother.

«Jane, don't you dare ignore what I tell you! This time you have really exaggerated» and to give even more emphasis to her threat she takes the jacket from me.

Grandma raises her eyebrows, totally confused, then decides to take a position within the furious soliloquy of the woman who brought me into the world: «Come on, Catherine, we all spent at least one night away from home. You also have at your times, and the mobile phone did not exist!»And her coral lips stretch out a smile. Mom turns to her mother-in-law, looks at her with hatred and gives up the idea of repeating, perhaps knowing that Josephine could testify against her, revealing how many nights she stayed to sleep with my father without noticing home. Of course, she would have preferred the old woman to take her side, to support her attempt to lecture me - what a pity that the Raven matriarch has a propensity to prefer her grandchildren to her daughter-in-law.

My mother shakes her head, stamps her feet and finally decides to flee to some corner of the house to smoke a cigarette in secret. She often does it when she's nervous, believing that she has never been discovered and scolding me and Jace when we do the same. She likes the idea of still having some authority over us, of being able to lay down the law while she is the first to break it.

As soon as we are alone, Josephine returns with her gaze to the undersigned, studying to the end my figure which, certainly, can only appear shabby, since I could neither comb my hair nor brush my teeth or perform any other kind of personal hygiene.

«What?» I ask her, placing the bag on the coat rack and extracting both phone and wallet, so as to prevent anyone from getting involved in my most private business.

She bends her head to one side, observing me with a certain insistence: «You should tell me, chérie» and tightens her arms to the chest, suddenly turning into a sort of stubborn general. I wish I could refuse her an answer, but I know that she would stop at nothing to find out in what situation I got myself involved. To meddle is a feminine gift, and my grandmother made this statement one of her mantras - more than for pleasure, however, for prevention. If she knows what we do, she knows how to protect us.

Before answering her, I sigh, aware of what her thoughts might be after this confession.

«I stayed at Seth's» one of her eyebrows snaps up in a strangely mischievous gesture. As expected her thoughts go in the directions in which I would have preferred them not to go. How to blame her though? Without Jace by my side I have never slept at any of his friends home and this can be stranger if, moreover, the first time I get to sleep out is at the boy for whom I have a crush house, suspicions become lawful.

"Too bad that nothing happened.

Nothing could ever happen, given who he is and what I am."

«Don't look at me that way!» I reproach her, trying to make the situation immediately clear: «I didn't feel good, so the boys preferred to let me rest. In the end I fell asleep, that's all».

Grandma does not seem convinced yet, thus, taking advantage of her wonderful bilingualism - a skill that helps us to keep the things that we do not want my mother to know, hidden - she asks me the fateful question: «Et de ce qui s'est passè?»

Perhaps it is not known, but Josephine was born in Paris more than seven decades ago and, during her studies abroad, she was lucky enough to meet the man of her life, a sergeant in the English army a few years older than her: Philip H. Raven, the forefather of our family.

I react to her curiosity with a blast of heat, remembering Seth's words before I ran away from his apartment.

"You stayed at my house all night, shriveled and alone, yet you haven't managed to lose your virginity. Can you explain how is it possible?"

Yeah, nice question given his reputation as an inveterate womanizer. And my undeniable, how obvious, cooked against him. Oh, and my eighteen years on the way.

«Rien, maman!» I shriek, probably turning red like a tomato. I widen my eyes and shake the head, wondering how it is possible for an old woman like her to allow herself to make such assumptions about her niece. Shouldn't she consider me innocent and chaste?

I pass by, overcoming her and pointing in the direction of the stairs, but before I go out, I pause a moment longer: «Qu'est-ce qui vient à l'esprit?» And she, grinning, decides to give me the coup de grace.

«Je t'encourage encore! Il serait aussi temps que tu le fasses».