A Year Ago - Isabel

A year ago~

It was December.

Christmas was fast approaching.

During this special month, where special occasions are being celebrated, James' family usually spend Christmas out of town. Since the arrival of Archie, he had been part of the family celebration, and I had been too. But this year, James decided to invite only Archie. As much as I wanted to be with my son on that special day, I couldn't since James had requested this time to spend it alone with Archie.

Just Archie and James, just the two of them and that made me think of an incomplete family tree. Would never be complete, but I still hope that one day we could spend the future together. As one family.

I knew this day would happen, and this was just one of those days that I feared James would want to have Archie on his own.

"Archie, are you listening?" I asked my son who was occupied playing with his new toy.

We were in the bedroom, packing his things for the upcoming trip to Baguio with James' family.

"I am, mom."

"Don't give your dad a hard time, okay? You should also listen to grandpa and grandma," I started to remind him of what should do on Christmas Day with his dad's family, I went on. "If you need to go number one, just tell your dad. If you need to go number two, you know what to do, right, little boy?"

"Yes, mom. I do."

This kid sure knew who to pretend to be engaged in a conversation with me. Instead of looking me in the eye, his gaze was fixed on the helicopter toy as he scrutinized its parts. This could be one of the disadvantages if Archie held a toy, his attention was all into it.

"Archie, you're not paying attention."

"Yes, mom. I am not," he admitted.

"Didn't I tell you that when someone's speaking you should listen?," I calmly asked, waiting for him to meet my gaze. "You should be mindful of others, Archie."

He then looked me in the eye, he even put his toy down. "Are you mad at me, mom?"

"No."

"Is dad mad at you?"

"No."

"Are you mad at him?"

"No."

"Then why aren't you joining us for Christmas?"

"Who said I won't? Of course I will be there with you," I lied.

I looked away and pretended to be busy with packing his stuff. I didn't mention to Archie that I wouldn't be in the picture with them, since I didn't want him to ask his dad questions about it.

Archie didn't speak. Instead of saying he didn't believe me, he stared at me for a while. As if he was communicating with me through his eyes. At that moment I thought I had read what was on my son's mind. He had things to say but opted not to voice it out. Sometimes I thought Archie was smarter for a four-year-old. Sometimes I wonder if my son could really see through me, and if he was silently pitying his mom for loving the wrong guy.

"Mom," Archie said in a low voice, he was looking down at his toy. " I thought adults shouldn't lie to kids? Dad told me lies. You told me lies. Are we a family of liars?"

I almost couldn't believe what my ears had heard. "Archie, are you sure we told you lies?"

He was still avoiding my gaze. "I don't know. I just thought," he said.

"Why did you think that?

"I don't know. You told me things differently. Dad told me things too. Sometimes I don't know which is true," he said shyly.

I sat close to him and started to explain things lightly.

"Archie, you don't need to know the answers to every one of your questions. Keep in mind that whatever it is, mom and dad are always here for you. We love you, okay?"

"I love you too. I love both of you so much, mom."

I was out of words to say. Archie suprised me a lot just by saying how much we meant to him. He was the sweetest child, the one who could understand whatever I told him, he was also the one whose existence gave importance to my life.

"Mom?" Archie called for me.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Do you want to live with dad?"

I was lost for words. "Why did you suddenly ask a weird question?"

"Because I want to live with dad. I want to live with you too."

I dreamt of living with James under the same roof too. Now that was just a dream, something that I would look back on when I grow old. Something I wanted when I was so young and so in love. "You can live with your dad if that's what you want. But mom has to stay with your grandparents. They're already old, Archie. Mama has to look after them."

"But dad will grow old too. Who will look after him, mom?"

"He has you, right?" I smiled as I thought of them living together, growing old, spending time as father and son.

Archie nodded to agree. "Mom, are you going to miss me when I live with dad?"

"Of course," I answered. "Have you already decided to leave mom and be with your daddy?"

Archie seemed hesitant to provide answers. "I'm not sure. I want to play with dad. He will teach me to play basketball, and I like my room in their house."

"You have your own room? Wow! That's new," I said, flabbergasted. James never mentioned a room just for Archie. I never thought he had his own since he was still living with me.

"Yeah, you can sleep with me there sometimes, mom."

I was watching Archie as he told me things about his room, about James' house, and the toys he had bought for our son. "Do you like it best when you're with James?"

"With dad? Of course. I like it when he plays with me and I like it when he eats with me."

While looking at my son as he told me things about his dad, I couldn't help but to be mesmerized with the idea of James being a father to him. The idea I had in mind when I was still carrying Archie had come to fruition. I had stopped picturing James living with me and making our house feel like family. I started to see him giving part of his life to our son Archie and that's all I could ever think of.

Archie went silent and then continued to tell me things. "You know what mom, sometimes dad talks about you. He said you're a nice person and you're the best mom for me."

"Really? He told you that?"

Archie nodded. "Yes, he said that you are the only mom for me. He said that he knows how much you love me and you're forever grateful to have me."

And I would be forever grateful to James for giving Archie to me. He was the best gift.

The day for James to pick Archie up came. Archie and I were still in my room making last minute changes in the things I had packed for him. I heard the engine of James' car as it stopped outside of our house. I started towards the window and glanced outside to check if it was indeed James who just arrived. It was James' ford ranger sitting in front of the house.

"I know it's dad," said Archie.

"How sure are you?"

"I just know it's him," the kid replied. He looked up at me and smiled. He wasn't even looking out the window with me. I also knew that he was not just guessing. Archie was sure that his dad was waiting for him outside.

I glanced back at the window and saw James getting out of the car. He was holding a phone in one hand, and moments later my phone rang.

"It's really dad!" Archie exclaimed, "he's calling you, mom. C'mon pick up, please."

I couldn't help but smile when I witnessed how excited my son was to talk to his dad. "Promise mom that you will be a good boy for three days," I said just to make sure Archie would keep up his promise.

He nodded not once but a lot of times, and he didn't stop doing it. I looked at him with wonder. He was growing up just like that man I loved. I gave the phone to Archie and let him answer James' call.

Just hearing the way my son was talking to his dad warmed my heart. "Hi dad! I know it's you calling!" he said on the other line, and went on talking. "It's because I have super powers," Archie suddenly started cracking up. "Dad, I am not kidding!" I heard him say before giving the phone back to me.

"Dad said he wants to talk to you," he leaned closer to me and whispered, "Mom, can you convince dad that I do have superpowers?"

I told Archie I would even though James had already heard his plea. The beatific look on Archie's face was visible as he started to go around the room just because he was excited about going out with his dad.

I put the phone away from Archie and started to speak to James.

"Hey," he said on the other line. "Archie's starting to believe he's really got superpowers," he started a conversation.

"Yeah, he's still a kid. We can't keep him from thinking that way."

"Are you done packing his things? I'm already here outside your house."

"Do you want to stay for a while? Have you eaten?" I asked.

There was a short pause on the other line. "Thanks, Isabel, I'd skip your invitation. Mom has prepared something for Archie at home."

"I understand."

"Can I meet you now downstairs?" he asked.

"Yeah, sure. Be there in a bit," I said and hung up.

I almost stopped breathing while talking to James. He didn't sound unusual today, and we talked just like friends. It was one of the rare moments when he sounded so calm and sincere, the James I knew from long ago. But we couldn't be that way anymore, he has his new life and I had to live my own too.

Sometimes it crossed my mind that Archie's arrival was one of the reasons why James had to cut our relationship off, but sometimes I thanked Archie for he was also the reason why I could still talk and see James from time to time.

Maybe it was destiny who made us like this. Maybe we were never meant to stay in each other's life. Maybe James and I were never made to be one, and maybe this was the reality we had to accept.

Archie was a blessing. He was the connection that would keep the existence of the bond between James and me. Archie was the reason why despite what had happened I keep on looking for better days.

We went outside to meet his dad.

There I saw James, tall as ever, wearing his casual clothes that looked good on him. He had a smile I would never forget, but he was not smiling because he saw me. He was smiling for Archie, and that could be one of the reasons why there was a smile on my face too.

My little family, it was this, it was us.

"It's been ages, Isabel," James said as he approached me. He helped me with Archie's stuff I had in hand. "You still look the same," he added.

We hadn't seen each other for a long time and we didn't talk that much. James being near me still felt the same, I still see him as the guy who captured my heart when I was still young. He didn't change at all, and the way I see him now hadn't changed. He was still the guy who made my heart beat more than usual. The way he said my name sent a different feeling more than ever. It was his voice, the last thing I would forget about him. I smiled as I looked into his eyes. James. You were still the one.

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