Eighth

[flashback continuation]

December's weather was one of the things I admired about this month. It was three days before Christmas and everyone around the corner was busy doing preparations for the most awaited celebration.

The afternoon breeze wasn't like the usual afternoon air in Manila. I was in Baguio and James was not aware that I went here after them. I just wanted to see Archie and spend some time in this place. The idea came on a whim, and after a long journey to this place I was finally breathing the same air as my son. I didn't inform James that I was also here. I didn't want him to make a big deal out of it.

Since I didn't frequent this place, and I only came here during special occasions, I didn't know where to start wandering. I was walking alone in the pack of big crowds. Most of the visitors were with their loved ones, and based on the look on their faces they were actually enjoying the nice, frigid weather up here. Kids were seen having fun with the horse riding and also their guardians who were taking pictures of them.

I almost laughed at myself when I came to realize that being alone in this place wasn't the idea of celebrating Christmas. There was a long flight of stairs that was inviting me to take a walk on it. The pine trees were also greeting me as I made my way to the stairs. I walked up the stairs without hurrying my pace. I blended with the villagers and visitors in this area. When I was about to reach the peak of it, I slumped on one side and put the backpack I had with me down. I sat there for who knew how long and just watched as the people came and went to the area. They seemed unperturbed with my presence and no one had told me to get away from seating on one side of the stairs. I could stay here for the whole day, just watching the trees, listening to people's laughter, and thinking of stuff to eat.

I made the reservation to where I would stay a day before I got here, and to my surprise I didn't have a hard time booking for a room given the number of tourists coming up at this place at this time. I was fortunate enough to book a room for myself.

I stayed seated there weighing my options of where to go next, when a view of someone who was in trouble climbing up the stairs interested me. He seemed young to have weak bones and act like an old grandpa climbing up the stairs.

"It was really hard to reach the top when you lack exercise, you may laugh at me now," he said, panting. "This must be the stairway to heaven," he joked.

I avoided his gaze trying not to start a conversation. Talking to strangers was the last thing that I would do while staying here. I remained in my seat and continued to watch the people as they seemed to enjoy their walk on the stairway to heaven as he said it. A stranger talking to some random stranger was an odd event to happen.

There was a moment of silence between us. The noise of people around could be heard but there was stillness separating me from him.

I looked up at him and said, "Your joke wasn't funny. I got a funnier one," and went on saying, "I think I'm lost. It's my first time here. Now let's laugh together."

He was standing inches away from me when he finally decided to sit with me. "Being lost is fun. Where are your friends?" he asked.

"Forget it, I was just kidding. I'm not lost, I k-know the way to-" I was eating the words to say, instead of continuing the sentence I picked my bag up, ready to go.

I shouldn't be talking to this guy. I didn't know what had gotten into me but talking to strangers would be the last thing I should do here.

"Hey, I'm not a pickpocket. I won't harm you, either. Just trying to help."

I heard his sincere offer to help me, but he would not understand if I explained it to him. It was not the lost thing that he had in mind. Yes, I was lost but not lost in this place. I had been lost and that was the reason why I was alone here. I had been lost. I should find my way back, back to the place where I belong.

I started to walk down the stairs. He didn't follow me. He let me go. As I thought I got out of a peril situation, he began hollering, "You look like her."

I ignored him. I heard what he said, but I chose to ignore him. I looked like her? Who was here? Why would I look like her? He had me mistaken for someone else. I think he wasn't sure who he had seen just now. He thought I was someone he knew, no he was wrong about that. He couldn't just pop out from somewhere and think that I looked like someone he knew.

I wandered for a long time before finally going to my place and taking a rest. I did enjoy the scenery of this place and the food I ate. The atmosphere was a plus point and the people having fun around me made me forget that I was alone. I knew where James and Archie were staying but I didn't go to that place yet. I could wait for Christmas to arrive.

And the day arrived, I was planning on surprising Archie that I was here too. But the idea bothered me because for sure James would not like it. I tried to inform James that I followed them here, but I couldn't just do it.

There was a long queue at the Christmas village as I heard some people talking about it at lunch. I stayed in the lounge for almost the whole day. While everyone was enjoying the season, celebrating with different music and savory food, I was here alone in my yellow jacket and shorts. I figured I brought the wrong attire in Baguio. I had shorts in my bag and this jacket which seemed to be the only one suited in this place. The book that I loved to read was also with me. I had it in one hand, I also had earphones with me. I went out of the lodge feeling the chills in my legs. I was looking over the place when I found a spot just in front of the lodge, under a big pine tree, illuminating the moon above it.

I walked to the spot with my things and sat in one of the empty spaces. But I wasn't alone. Surely, there was another person sharing this place with me. I didn't dare acknowledge the person. I sat there with him, for I knew it was a guy, and started flipping the page of this book. He was surprised to see me here, for sure. He was more astonished that he wanted to talk but remained silent. He respected my space and didn't say a word. What he didn't know was in the corner of my eyes, I secretly watched him.

There, I realized who this person was. I pretended that I didn't see him nor knew who he was. I continued with my reading as I was really enjoying this book. Thanks to the girl who I met a few years ago for letting me discover this piece of treasure. This book helped me discover the path I should take, the purpose I had been willing to serve, the questions to all of my whys, and the reasons why I had been put in this kind of situation. It was a surprise whenever I opened another chapter of this book; it gave me not just answers, but it gave me the will to continue living and be grateful for the things I have now.

It wasn't just a book. It was another part of me in a piece of paper. It was my salvation.

Since the moon was the only source of light in this area, I gave up on reading. Without even thinking of why I should ask things to him, I started to speak.

"The thing you said earlier, who do I look like?"

When I said it I thought he realized that I still knew he was the guy from before.

"A girl whose picture is posted at the lost and found," he answered.

Did he just try to pull off a joke? That didn't sound funny at all.

"I thought you looked like her, but I was wrong about it. Perhaps I wanted to see her here, and I just happened to meet you there," he explained.

I was silent.

When I didn't respond to his not so funny statement, he asked me another question. "How'd you manage to find this lodge?" his eyes were still closed. I thought a while ago he fell asleep, but he was listening. His head was resting on the bench.

Why was he alone in this place? Was he like me?

"That's not what I meant when I said I was lost," I confessed.

He sat properly, now we were at eye level. He could see the book I was holding, I could see his eyes that were looking straight at me. For a minute, I thought he was processing the meaning of what I said, then he started speaking something with likeness from the book.

"Life on earth is temporary. We are just passing through it, visiting this place just for a moment before we finally head home. If you feel lost, just think of it as part of your purpose. So, you could get to know Him more; He will make your paths straight."

I stared at him for a while. Could it be that he had read this book too? He was spouting something from this book, I was sure about that because I had read this before. I looked away and removed the earphones I had in my ears.

"Don't worry, I've heard every word you said. Are you a priest in your past life?" I asked, trying to not sound serious.

"No, just a kicked-out student when I was a sophomore."

"How gallant of you to say that," I said and then paused, contemplating what to say, "What did you do? Cheated on a test?"

"Punched a prick's face for verbally abusing my girl," he shared. I saw a smile on his face. "I know, how immature of me."

"She didn't approve of it?"

He just shook his head to respond.

"Where is she now?"

"She's already at home," he said in a low voice.

She was already home. That statement wasn't supposed to be sad, but I felt sadness in the way he said it. The girl she loved and used to protect was already sharing a home with a million angels. She could be somewhere here, listening to our conversation, smiling because this guy had been so kind to a stranger like me.

"Don't worry, there are no arrogant pricks at home. She's safe and happy there. That's the only place where problems don't exist. I wish to get a one-way ticket home."

No one dared to speak. We both knew the meaning of the thing I just said. One-way ticket home, really Isabel? Are you out of your mind? My thoughts seemed to be talking to me.

I got a message from James. He was asking if he could call because Archie had been crying; he wanted to speak to me. I didn't hesitate to reply with yes. I badly want to talk to my son too.

I rose from my seat, ready to leave.

"Hey, wait," he said, rising from his seat.

He paused for a while before finally speaking. "Would you like to stay for a while?" I asked.

I looked at the phone screen and diverted my attention to the lounge. I should get back to my room if I wanted to talk to Archie.

"Sure," was her reply, "but not tonight. Some other time. Merry Christmas!"

I turned my back and waved a hand to say goodbye. I didn't regret staying. He was supposed to be alone too. Perhaps there was something that he wanted to do alone at that place, so I let that happen. That night I was able to speak to Archie. James greeted me because it was Christmas and we got to talk for a while, like before. I was smiling to myself the whole time we were talking. I almost forgot that there was no longer us and I could just hurt myself from thinking that he still had feelings for me. But that wasn't what I felt at that moment. I think James was being nice to me that time; he was the same old James I fell for. He was talking so nicely that I could just listen to him the whole time. His voice was as soft as the one who expressed love for someone. He did laugh a couple of times by sharing stuff about Archie, and I couldn't help but laugh with him over the phone. I tried to confess that I was also in Baguio but I would rather not tell him. I didn't want to ruin the moment.

If Santa would grant someone a wish every Christmas, mine was to have James back.