No More Secrets

My sleep was restless. I cried all day. Falling back to sleep in between crying. However, I slept through the night, having vivid dreams of running through the most beautiful forest. I'm not sure where the visions came from, as I have never seen the outside. It was single handily the best dream I've ever had. I could feel the sun on my face. The luscious green grass beneath my feet. A slight breeze blew my long blonde hair back as I ran. Before I knew it, a large dark brown wolf was running beside me. Pushing me forward. Where? I don't know, but I knew he wanted me far from what was behind me. When I felt like I couldn't run any more, he stopped, leaning in to me, pushing me to climb on his back.

Looking into his dark hazel eyes, all I could see was love. This wolf loved me, although he had never met me. He cares about what happens to me. Before I could climb on his back, I feel the drag of conciseness pulling me awake. I clutch his fur and beg him to keep me. Not to let me go back to the room in the ground, but it was no use. I awoke more sad than before.

It was morning already. I could see the sun coming through the cracks of the wall that Mother comes through. She must have come back in here at some point because there was a small bowl of porridge, an orange, and a cup of water sitting on the table.

Sluggishly, I head to the food. Not feeling particularly hungry, I know I need to eat. Starring at the bowl, I just can't muster up the strength to put the spoon to my mouth. All of a sudden, the only thing I can feel is rage. My vision turns red. My body starts to shake.

How dare she tell me over and over for years that I would get to leave this room when I turned 16 and then take it away from me! No explanations. Just walk away! Why keep feeding me if she had no plans to let me join the world? Why not just let me starve and die? Picking up the bowl, I hurtle it's against the wall. The feeling was amazing. Freeing and empowering. Who knew doing something wrong, even a small act of breaking a bowl, could feel so wonderful. Pieces of the bowl lay scattered on the floor as porridge sliding down the wall. Pushing the table over, watching my beloved books hit the floor, I stand and march over to the moving wall. My body shaking with tension, I pound on the wall, screaming and begging for someone to let me out.

I'm not sure how long I carried on like that. Behaving so very un-lady like. Mother would be appalled at the outburst, but I can't stay here any longer. She can't keep me here.

Falling to the ground, a sob breaks free from my lips. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I calm myself down. I'm done crying. I refuse to be a blubbering mess. Picking myself up off the floor, I grab my little wash basin and scrub the residue of the last day off my face. When that's done, I brush my hair and twist it on the top of my head to start my cleaning.

The porridge was hard to get off the wall, but I made due. Setting the table right and collecting my books, my only life line to the outside. I go about the chore of picking up the broken bowl. Taking great care not to cut myself. When everything is done, I pluck the top book off the stack and head to my bed. I'm not in the mood to read, but I have already decided that I need to make a plan to escape, and the back of my book is the perfect place to jot down some ideas.

The process isn't easy. I know nothing about the outside world. I know there's a hallway above me because people walk across the floor to enter different rooms of the house. Very rarely do they stay for more than a moment or two. And I know the kitchen is attached to the other basement room, but where the kitchen is in the house is a mystery. Another is from the kitchen, where is the nearest door to leave this house? Mother has said in the past that the house is quite large and that her room is on the second floor above me. That is really all she has said about it. I jot down a few notes on what I know and what I need to know.

Next, taking down some possible plans and their pros and cons. I could break out and hope to the heavens no one sees me. Looking around my now cell, I search for something I could pry the wall back with. A book, my brush, the mirror. There are not a lot of options here. I take down my options and move on to the next thought.

Even though I'm saddened by the thought of hurting Mother, it may be my only chance to leave. I could knock her over the head and run as fast as I could. A little piece of me took joy in making her suffer as I have, even in my sadness. Feeling ashamed, I take down a few more possibilities that were less like to happen than the first two. Setting my book down on the bed, I search for where my orange had rolled off too. My appetite is finally coming back now that I have a few plans worked out.

For a small room, the orange has sure hidden well. Crouching down, I sneak a peak under my bed. There it is. Not only the orange but maybe the way out of here. A board on the underside of my bed has broken and is almost all the way off the frame itself. I could probably use it to pry the door open. Reaching deep under the bed for the piece of wood, I fumble it a couple of times but finally get a good grip on it. Pulling hard, I can hear the crack. One more hard pull, and I should be able to get it all the way off.

Before I could get it all the way out, the room got brighter, and my mother's soft footsteps enter the room."Sarah, what in the world are you doing on the floor?" Quickly grabbing the orange, I come out from under the bed. Mother's voice was puzzled, but I held up my orange, and her lips pull back in a tiny smile. "Did it try and get away from you?"

Confused by her nonchalant attitude, I can't help but speak of her broken promises. "Why Mother? Why won't you let me out? You promised on my 16th birthday I could leave." Pain filled my voice as I ask her the questions. Her eyes drop to the floor as if she's ashamed to look at me. "Why, mother! Why?" My last words are coming out more as a scream than a question.

Reaching for my hand, she lifts her eyes to mine, with more sorrow than I've seen in them before. "My sweet girl, I am sorry I couldn't set everything right."

"I deserve an answer, mother." My voice trembling.

Her voice broke as she started her story, asking me not to interrupt and listen to the end. "When I was 15, a neighbor rapped and abused me." Taking a deep breath, she continues with tears in her eyes. "I told one person. My mother, your grandmother, Aggie. When Aggie confronted the man, he told her that it was all lies. The lies of a devil child." Mothers tears flowing freely by this point of the story.

"Being from a prominent white coven, to call someone young Satin wasn't something to be taken lightly." She explained."He went on to say that the young girls in the coven tempted him. Always asking him for things in return. Horrified Aggie came back to me, demanding I tell the truth. I tried to tell her I would never lie or do any of the despicable things the neighbor suggested." Mother paused obviously needing a moment.

"The subject was dropped for a while. Until my younger sister disappeared." Mothers' anger starting to make her voice get highe "The town turned into a mob hearing the story of what had happened well over a month before. They raided the neighbors house. Pulling the dead mutilated corpse of my sister from the attic. The man played dumb saying he had no idea what happened and begged for his life as they strung him to four different horses with silver chains and pulled his body apart limb by limb. I watched the man die in agony. The next morning, they buried my baby sister. Months passed, and things settled. Some kids had burned the neighbors house down, but I didn't mind as it was a bad memory that I wished to forget. However, as the months passed, I became sick, and my stomach grew." reaching up, she placed her hand on my cheek. "I hid away in my room most days, so no one would see my growing belly and ask questions. I was afraid that if they knew they would kill the baby growing inside me, or even both of us."

Hearing the last word, I made a face of horror. To kill the baby and the mother for something that was neither a fault seemed extreme. Mother continued to explain. "I wasn't afraid because you were a child of a violent act; I was afraid because the man that raped me was a werewolf." She said, "You see, werewolves and witches were not to mingle in that manner. To dirty the blood line could cause major problems. Not only that, but a mixed blood baby, the powers it could contain, could be life ending."

My world was spinning. Not only did I just find out my father forced my mother and hurt her, but he was a werewolf as well. Something I had read about in a book but never thought possible. I knew about mother and her practices; she even did small good wishes spells down here, but to hear the rest of the story changed everything.

"So I had you but was too scarred to tell anyone. I have raised you and cared for you, your whole life with no one knowing because I couldn't stand the thought of anyone ever hurting you. Yes, you were made from something so wrong, but you are still my child. After they killed your father, they put a barrier spell up around the town. Warding off werewolves and others, keeping us safe from losing more children. I've been working for a long time trying to get help from the neighboring werewolves to take you and help to make you a part of the pack. Werewolves live differently than we do. They live in a major pack and have an Alpha and a Luna, their leaders. They get one chosen mate for the entirety of their lives. So even though you would be leaving me and I may never see you again, it is vital that you live among them, or else you may never find love. You will be safe with them as well. You look very much like your father, and I'm afraid that people here will see this as wemm" She pauses, searching for the right words to say before diving back into the most intense story I have ever heard. "I had plans yesterday to take you from here. Pass you through the border with help from a friend. She was to make a split in the spell big enough for you to slip through, and the nearest pack was to take you from there. However, your grandmother found us planning and used a truth spell on me. She knows everything now and plans to tell my father." A tear fell from her eyes as she continued. "They know now, and I fear for your life."

"If they know, then we should leave." Standing from the bed reaching for her hand. She just sunk down further tears falling freely.

"No, my daughter. There is a guard at the top of the kitchen. Father doesn't know what to do yet."

"Mother, if I'm a werewolf as you say, why have I not changed into a beast? Why have I not felt animalistic at all?" I could tell by the look on Mothers face that she wasn't proud of what she was about to tell me.

"I have been sedating you. When I can tell you're worked up or around the days of the full moon. I add simple herbs to your tea to help relax you and keep the wolf at bay. I am not proud of anything I've had to do," she looked me in the eyes to show how rude her words were. " but I have done all I knew how to keep you alive."

"I understand." Sitting back down feeling defeated or know what to do other than just to sit. My escape plans are no longer viable. There's a guard at my door, and everyone knows now. I guess the secret is out of the bag... or basement, maybe?