Prayers

I did exactly what my mother told me and also began helping my maid servants in the kitchen. Reading has also helped me steady my emotions. But mostly I have been meditating and praying multiple times a day. Though it has taken a few weeks I am beginning to feel like myself again. However there has been nasty rumors spreading that I went mad and lost the child. That I shall be locked in my palace forever. Hmm. I wonder how many believe these lies. My confinement is over in a few weeks and I must come back strong to show everyone these tales are not the truth.

I also decided I must write to the Emperor even though he cannot write back. It has been too long and I must remind him of our love. One of my favorite love poems about longing for one another is just enough. My hand writing beautiful and delicate. Signing it with Your Lotus Blossom. I hope I am right about our heart connection. I hope the loss of the child didn't cause too much of a rift in our relationship. I hope I can fix it. Lots of hope. Don't have much else to go on these days.

I decide to mediate the rest of the afternoon. But of course having a very large dinner and lotus blossom cakes to honor the Goddess. Regaining my health and shape is most important. I have been looking similar to a ghost the past couple months. I just starting to regain color. Now I need to fill back out. Not plump but I use to have a nice hour glass figure. With plenty of nourishment i will gets there. And with the way Huiqing has me eating, I will get there soon. My mother brought many recipes and I've honestly been eating better than when I'm with child...

It still stings. I suppose and hope that it will pass some day. Some day soon. I know seeing my princess again will help. Wiping away a tear. I decided to pray till I fell asleep.

The Lotus Blossom Goddess helps me off the ground in my dream and wipes away the tears of my lost child. "My dear you will have many more but you must not lose your path. Also never think you did anything to deserve misfortunes. This is the way of the world, balance. You must grow from this. The path becomes clearer with strength." She said smiling down at me and then with a blink she was gone...

In the morning I felt much more refreshed and ready get back to normal. I shall always have faith in the Goddess. She will always guide me when I need it most.