Days Where You Feel Unpretty

-Lunch, Seaside High-

TW // Weights

Val, Kai, Joanne, Felix, and Caleb stare at Beca's plate with incredulous looks and confusion."What's that on your plate?" Val asks Beca skeptically.

"It's my lunch! I'm on a diet!" Beca answers her brightly and innocently.

They all frown and stare at her weirdly.

"Yeah, but we can only see an apple and a weird, disgusting slimy shit on a tiny plate!" Caleb responds.

Beca shrugs him off and stays positive by saying, "It's protein! It's healthy! Beside-"

But Joanne cuts her, "Beca, you barely have anything on your plate!"

They all nod exaggeratedly in agreement.

"You're literally starving yourself, Bec!" Kai also adds with worries.

"No! I'm on a diet!" Beca insists while still staying on the bright side.

On the skeptical side, Val sarcastically adds, "Yeah, you mean starving yourself to death!"

"No! I'm on a diet, guys! Seriously, it's a diet!" Beca replies cheerfully.

Val rolls her eyes and continues, "I'm sorry. Did you even hear what I said? It's literally the same!"

"Okay, look, you can nag at me after school, okay? I gotta go sit with the cheerleaders!" Beca brightly says while walking away from them.

"Wait, so you're not gonna sit with us?!" Felix asks Beca in a high tone, trying to make her stay.

Beca looks at them and slowly answers, "I'm sorry, but all the cheerleaders gotta sit at the same table so that Stacy can supervise our diet..."

Beca smiles at them apologetically and leaves them to sit at the cheerleaders' tables. As if it's the place she "belongs" in.

"Urgh, it's Stacy and her freakin' stupid rules..." Val complains.

The rest of them just stroll to the nearest table.

Caleb's face suddenly brightens, and he shouts excitedly, "Oh yeah! There's a party this weekend! You guys comin'?"

"Dude, why are you psyched? It's just a stupid party," Val answers.

"Of course, I'm psyched! All the coolest kids in school will be there! We should come!" Caleb shouts energetically.

The rest display some thinking gestures to make excuses not to go to another party.

"Meeeh..." they all say while lifting their shoulders.

Not that they hate parties; they're tired after the first one. But unlike them, Caleb is always psyched about a party, and he will never miss it.

"Hmph! I'll go and be awesome by myself then!" Caleb rants confidently while getting sulky.

-Meanwhile, at the Cheerleaders' table-

"Hannah! You're not supposed to eat pudding!" Stacy shouts to remind Hannah about her diet.

Hannah looks at her and pouts at the idea of no pudding for lunch.

Seeing her friend not eating the food she wants, Beca sits down with a heavy heart.

"I know you all want to complain, but this will all be worth it! Beauty is pain, girls!" Stacy shouts energetically.

Beca looks at her best friends over her shoulder, laughing and eating what they want. She stares at her lunch, but then she remembers how much she weighed last night. With the fear of not being accepted, she half-heartedly eats her "lunch."

"To be beautiful..." she says in her heart.

-After School, Library-

Beca walks through shelves by shelves. The warm sun washes over her sunkissed skin, and her blue eyes twinkle the moment she sees someone.

It's Nicholas reading a book with some strands of his hair covering his left eye. She quietly walks toward him and pokes his shoulder.

Surprised, Nicholas looks at her with blushed cheeks.

Beca smiles brightly at him, and he smiles back.

Remembering that she's still wearing her red cheer uniform, Nicholas takes off his white jacket. He gently puts it over her shoulder to hide her outfit. She startles and tries hard to hide her smile, although it's not working quite well.

"Hey, let's go grab some ice cream!" Nicholas whispers loudly to her with excitement in his tone.

Her eyes sparkle for a second, but she hesitates. Her bright face turns dark, remembering that she has to achieve beauty. It's the beauty that she wants... or is it not?

She softly shakes her head and replies, "I'm full, though..."

Not catching what she's trying to imply, Nicholas excitedly grabs her hand and runs with her to get out of the library.

For a second, she lets him take her anywhere it is. But the next second, she pulls away.

"I'm on a diet... I can't eat that..." she says, her heart dropping to the bottom.

It's food, it's sweet, and it's ice cream. Beca is not Caleb, but they're twins. Ice cream is something that they cannot deny. Yet, she stands straight, struggling hard to stand on her ground.

Nicholas smiles with confusion in his eyes and says, "But... What diet? You look great..."

Beca takes a step back and profoundly answers, "I'm not thin enough..."

Nicholas takes a step closer while softly grabbing her shoulder.

"Hey, hey, hey... Beca, you're beautiful... You don't need to go on a diet or whatsoever..." he gently says with worried eyes to her.

Beca looks into his warm eyes. For a second, she gets lost in his blue eyes. But then she looks away, trying to stand firm.

"I-I... I gotta go..." says Beca. She leaves him, who's left wondering what is happening now.

What is it that she wants? Does she want Nicholas to tell her how pretty she is? Does she want people to approve that she's not fat? Or does she just want to feel better about herself?

-Hallway-

Joanne and Kai are walking toward their lockers.

While chatting, they hear a girl saying, "Urgh, my eyes and face are so puffy. I look so ugly today! Urgh!"

A guy replies, "Yeah... You look Asian today!"

Hearing that, Joanne and Kai stare at each other and start to make some telepathic conversation.

"Did she just say that?!" Joanne glares at Kai.

"Shame!" Kai glares back at Joanne.

With outraged looks, they both stare at two people talking severely about Asians.

"What are you looking at? Tch, Asian... You guys are so obsessed with wanting to have double eyelids..." the girl obnoxiously mumbles.

Kai's and Joanne's jaws drop as they hear what in the world she just said.

Joanne annoyedly scoffs and shouts, "Ungrateful obnoxious Kpoper bitch!"

Kai just shakes his head while staring disgustedly at those two people.

He scoffs and frantically adds, "Could someone be any more racist?!"

"Urgh! I can't believe she's into K-pop but drags other Asians down. Bitch, I'm Korean!"

Joanne, worked up, shouts at the air... since those two people are gone now.

"How did you know they're into K-pop?" Kai asks her skeptically.

She scoffs and responds, "Oh, please. She had a boy group poster inside her locker. And she used the term 'double eyelid,' which is popular in Korean culture. Geez, Kai. Get there faster"

Kai stays silent for a second to process what he just heard and says, "Woah... You can be a detective!"

Joanne chuckles and mumbles, "Dork," while rolling her eyes playfully.

-Under the tree-

Felix and Val are sitting at a table right under the tree. There's a glimpse of light and shadow on Val's face as the tree covers the sun and forms them.

The wind sweeps in and moves her naturally straight blond hair. It's just a lazy day for Val to dress up. She's only wearing a white t-shirt, black leggings, and a pair of sneakers. There are no bold makeup and outfit today for her.

She's just playing her guitar, trying to find some melody inside of her.

Felix, who's been scrolling down his iPhone, looks at her, saying, "Hey... Val."

"Yeah, what?" she responds with eyes and hands focused on her guitar and its sound.

Felix hesitates but cautiously continues, "You're always about being tough, confident, and loving yourself right... But have you ever felt like you're just not beautiful enough?"

Her hands stop playing the guitar, and she looks at him.

"Aw, of course I have! Are you having those days, pudding?" Val asks him with concern. Although Val sometimes speaks sarcastically, she can be one of the most sensitive ones in the group. And when she wants to, she will act soft.

Felix stares at her and answers, "Kind of... I just... I don't feel pretty, you know... I mean, look at me! I'm... not conventionally attractive! I have muscles, but I'm not thin!"

Val's face turns blue, and she rubs Felix's shoulder softly.

"Oh, pudding... You are beautiful! It hurts me whenever you look down and are unconfident about your face and body..." Val comforts him.

Felix just looks down and mumbles, "Well, I can't see the part where you say I'm beautiful..."

"Hey, hey, hey... I can call anybody at this school to ask about you, but it won't matter! What matters is you think you're beautiful. Their opinions don't count, Felix..." Val says genuinely.

She continues, "You should look into the mirror and see how beautiful you are! You don't need Justin Bieber's hair to look cool! You are you, and that's enough!"

Felix stares at Val, and he just giggles.

"Thanks, Val..." he says while smiling at her.

Val just hugs Felix tightly as the sun warms upon them.

Felix's journey of loving himself hasn't ended, but it's improving, and that's okay.

He is searching for reasons in life that are still obscure. In his eyes, he still can't see a single reason why he's beautiful, but it's okay. Because at least he's trying. Instead of casting away those feelings, he tries to listen to himself. He feels it, and it's enough because he can build that self-love in the future.

-Night, Beca's room-

Beca stands in front of the weight scale again. With fear and anxiety rushing down her blood, she steps on it. All those words saying she's not thin and beautiful enough are flashing through her eyes.

As she looks at the numbers, her heart drops. They increase. She swears that she hasn't eaten any delicious food that day, but the numbers still increase. She lifts her head and can see the food lists she is not supposed to eat.

Her heart sinks to the deepest part of the sea, and so does her confidence.

She sits on her bed and unlocks her iPhone.

As she scrolls down through her Instagram account, insecurity builds up in her blood. She can see all those "body goals" and compares herself with them.

She looks at her post with thousands of likes with fear in her eyes. Her fingers tremble as she looks at the comments.

"Girl, u r so pretty!"

"She's pretty but thicccc."

"Woah, have you gotten fatter?"

"It's a thicc cheerleader yall."

"Fat fat fat fat, you better stop eating cs u look ugly."

Her eyes shake as those words stay in her head. It's like those comments are photographed; she can't get them out of her head. Those comments keep banging on her mind, and her heart hurts.

In this modern society, nobody can be enough. Nobody can be beautiful, thin, intelligent, and perfect enough. People will always find a thing to invalidate themselves. But today, those feelings of being fat, ugly, and invalidated overwhelm her.

Beca tries hard to hold back her tears, but she can't help it. No matter how disgusted she feels, she can't help but let those tears fall.

Tears are falling down her cheeks. She hugs herself as she feels smaller every second. She sobs and tries hard to keep it down. Without realizing it, Caleb has been standing in front of her room. Not being able to do anything, he leans on it with a heavy heart.

Caleb doesn't know why, but he feels distant at the moment. It's the feeling of wanting to hold her in his arms, to say that everything will be alright, but it feels like something keeps him from hugging her right now. It's the feeling of confusion, sorrow, and powerlessness inside him.

He feels like he's in no place to do that right now. Although it's killing him to hear his twin sister crying in pain, he has no choice but to listen to her from a distance.

To get his mind away from the pain, he chooses to go to the party he mentioned earlier today.

-Someone's party-

He goes there, hoping that it will somehow make him feel better. But it doesn't.

The loud music, the alcohol, and the wasted people are not making him feel any better. He just feels more sorrowful than he was before.

His body is there, but his mind is somewhere else. He regrets not opening Beca's door and being there for her. He regrets not holding her down and comforts her when she needs him the most.

After realizing that, he quickly leaves the loud and flashy party to do what he feels is right.

-Twins' house-

Caleb quietly opens Beca's door. The lights are off, and Beca is sleeping with a red nose from crying too much.

He quietly walks toward her to see if she's alright. She's sleeping safe and sound, putting his heart at ease.

She gently rubs her head and whispers, "I'm sorry, Bec... You're beautiful... I hope that you can see that..."

Then he walks toward the door while smiling warmly at her.

"I'm sorry I'm late..." he whispers from afar.

Then, he leaves her room quietly.