14 vaccum mind

It's been hours since the dream.I lay wide awake in my bed in the middle of the night with nothing to think of except , Daniel.He doesn't remember me.well...that's very difficult.woah..! who are you kidding ? That hurts like a bitch. The only thing I have known my whole life doesn't remember me.

But he knew you were there.My inner godess stood in her optimistic tulip position smiling.Fuck off to hell wherever it is.

Well ..I am sure , without Daniel everything seems hell to you.She was smirking at me blowing in and out of a heavy cylinder,looking like a diwa with hooka relinquishing the effect of pot.

Daniel is not my pivotal point ,you shit head.Honey you are calling your brain shit .My own subconscious admonished me.

He was there.Thats all.I argued.My subconscious was making that face again .The one which says ,yeah ,honey ,you are definitely mad.

Her smirks widens and her jaw widens hitting the wall.Yeah ,yeah.keep telling yourself that.You know it's nothing but lies.

No, absolutely not.Not even in the way to hell.Hell,who am I kidding? I know it's the lie.She knows it's the lie.Even my fucking walls know it's nothing but lies.

Fuck .. Daniel.Go back to which ever hell you are cast out from.I can't believe I,Lilith Clinton , just had an internal battle with myself at three in the middle of the night ,over a boy .Well,not a boy,but a man.A fully grown handsome man,more like a hulk.But that's not the point.

Keep telling yourself that honey.He is all yours.As in your man and your hulk., whichever you prefer.

Shut up and go to sleep.He is Daniel.He is not mine..well he is ..but he is not my man.He is ...well he is what he is ...

Lord ..how thick can you be Lilith .I can't believe ,you just said that.For all the things you keep in that head of yours ,I thought you were able to properly articulate a sentense these days .Are you seriously confused or are you generally this dumb?lol,I feel freaking genius hearing you.

Shut up and go from my head .,you irritating ,good for nothing , idiotic subconscious.

I woke up hearing a commotion downstairs.Getting dressed in my white fluffy superman pajamas and bunny slippers , I went down, to find my mom kneeling over her large suitcases in our living room,with Jeff ,who had a goofy smile on his useless face.woah...finally ,Alice Clinton is back,guys.

Alice Clinton was on the phone , barking orders at anyone who listens,still too busy to notice Lilith on the stairs.Lilith felt too lazy to begin the argument at the dawn of the day.She slipped into kitchen , unnoticed and made her cereal,filled her stomach and went back to her room.On her way she sighted ,Alice Clinton,still was on her phone ,loud as hell.Lord bless on the souls ears who was on the other end of the phone.The only missing thing in the living room was jeff and the suitcases her mother brought.So yeah ,the perfect bliss key of this house is out there ,guys .Note the sarcasm ,please .

Lilith slipped on her vans,a fluffy sweater and a skinny jeans and set straight to her school.She didn't see neither jeff nor Alice on her way.That counts as a good thing .right?

Everyone stared or whispered behind her back .But no one dared to utter a word to her face Even mr.smith smiled for the first time in his class. His class was not in the same drowning tone ,today .Bitch queen and her trolls were suspended.So, cafeteria was really quiet.Jocks were glaring on her way.But the main ones were suspended.So,no issues there.

It was a nice change.Lilith felt kind of content for the first time in a while.Sitting alone on her table, without sauce or coke dripping down her clothes counts as a really good day.It felt nice that she haven't given up ,till the end of the fight.She stood strong.And it felt damn nice to win,even if there was no one to applaud.She knew it was only level one.But it's a start.

Lilith skipped her afternoon session.She wanted to clear her head.Her level two was waiting on her door step.She knew well that ,jeff will fight dirty.But it won't be enough to stop a determined Lilith this time.

Putting that aside , her mind wandered to the topic she blocked two days back.Daniel.ofcourse ,it hurts.She didn't feel brave enough to dig deeper into her feelings.

Being away from the chaos meant opening the doors towards thoughts.She didn't want that now.But ,it seems unavoidable.So,why not strip the band aid,at least the pain would be soon gone.

Lilith was sure about three things now.

1) Daniel wasn't just a dream.She didn't yet know whether he was real or not.But ,she knew , whatever he was,it wasn't a fragment of her vivid imagination.

2) Daniel didn't know her like she knew him.That hurts,but still a fact.Thinking back ,she never made an attempt to talk to him in her dreams.She thought it was just dreams and watched him from distance.like a bloody creep ,might I add.shh..shut up uyou bloody irritating subconscious. Trying to be optimistic,Daniel knew she was there.He just didn't know it was her.She could convince him ,later.

3) Daniel was somehow connected to her.His touch felt like bliss.It was as if Disney movies fireworks was on display on her skin and a zoo of butterflies soaring high and low in her stomach as if they are mad.He was not like anyone she knew.He was special and he had a personal link to her.

Her mind wondered to the 'no- go' section.Het latest fear.The vaccum.

After the dream ,two nights away, everything was normal for the first time in her life.No dreams,no Daniel,no smoke,nothing.It felt quiet ,but the quietness was scaring her now.The chaos and ear splitting screams seemed better now.

She was not familiar with the silence of her thoughts.She didn't know till now,how her thoughts was always revolving around her head.From the day ,she could think ,her head was in chaos.She didn't know when she got used to the chaos.Daniel was always there,as a shadow in her thoughts.She knew him, his surroundings,his friends,his parents,his horse,his sword.With him,somehow everything in life was not in its usual black and white colour.The black and white eyes of hers turned colorfull when his image was in her thoughts.

This feeling felt like how someone explained unreturned love once before.She didn't even need his permission to feel whatever she feels towards him.It was entirely her.He didn't had power over her feelings towards him.

well,that's philosophical.lilith ,you are going from theatrical to borderline psychotic.lord her subconscious needs to be put on a leash with a lid on her mouth.

Moving on,she knew,she didn't love him.It was more like she was used to his companionship.It was always them both in her head.She smiled when he smiled after the success of his first fight.She cried when he cried when he lost his pet dragon.She didn't know till now that there were two sides of a coins and both sides were in her head and she was playing for both sides for a long while.

The first time she felt that was when Daniel talked to her ,when she was under jeff,when he told her to fight.But he doesn't remember it That's ...well, tragic.But ,he was there at the time,when no one was there.And she was not ready to let him go.

After the last dream,she knew ,there was a change.It was two sided now and this time the both sides have seperate players.They both knew , someone was there on the other side.Daniel knew it was her now.But ,after that dream,there were no more games .It felt empty.Her mind seemed like a vaccum.Her thoughts were not racing,now.Everything was sluggish.It felt dark.She didn't knew what to do about it .So,she did what she did the best.She waited.

After all,her and his battles were still raging red.They have to fight and win.With a new resolution she headed towards her home ,to make it a home.