I won't let you fall

I was at the New Years' festival with my older brother. The boy didn't give me an answer, so I gave the present to him and left after in shame. I was going to miss climbing up the reservoir structure every day to see him, but I had given up. I didn't want to be rejected every day.

"Who's birthday was it today?" my brother asked me.

"Huh? How did you know it was someone's birthday?" I didn't remember ever telling him about the boy.

"I saw you wrapping something last night. Thought you could keep something from your brother, did you?"

"No... of course not," I lied. I should be looking forward to the new year, yet all I could think of was the last moment I shared with the boy. I thought about the conversations we had, he taught me how to climb the structure easily so I won't get hurt, I didn't even ask for his name.

My brother saw how upset I was and carried me on his back. "Come on. Let's go to the front and see the nice fireworks."

"Five!" I should forget about him.

"Four!" Me being there bothered him so much.

"Three!" But all those memories, our secret spot...

"Two!" Goodbye, mystery boy.

"One-"

"Yes, I want to be your friend!" I suddenly heard. I turned to see him standing there, sweating profusely among the cheering crowd. "I wanted to be your friend before the year ended, so, please! Be my friend!" He got down on both knees and begged. "Please, even if I have to chase after you every day, I want to be your friend. So don't give up on me!"

My brother looked down at the kneeling boy. "Who's he?"

"Can I talk to him in private?" I asked my brother.

"What! No. Absolutely not-" I jumped off my brother's back, despite his protests. I pulled the boy away from the crowd.

"Why did you finally want to be my friend?" I asked. What could've possibly changed his mind?

"Because of your present!" He pulled out my box and inside was his gift, a locket that hung on a simple silver chain. The locket held a miniature drawing of the reservoir structure, similar to the one I first saw him scratch into the dirt the first time I noticed him.

"So will you be my friend?"

"Yes, let's be friends! Um..."

"What is it?"

"I realized, I'd never asked for your name before. What is it?"

He gave me an adorable boxy smile and held one of my hands. "Call me Jem."

"Jem, look!"

We'd been close friends for weeks. Every day after school, I climbed the tall structure instead of playing with the rest of my friends.

"Huh? What do you want me to look at?"

I eagerly showed him my stuffed bunny toy. "This is my favourite toy! But I'll let you hold her. Careful though, she's my best friend."

He looked at with envy. He must be jealous that I had such an amazing toy. He tossed it aside.

"Hey! My bunny!" I went to grab it, but Jem lay his head on my lap. He looked up at me. "Sparrows are better."

"Sparrows? Why sparrows?" I was confused. I wanted to grab my poor bunny. Jem grabbed my chin and made me only pay attention to him. "Because you're more like a sparrow than a bunny." He made me run my fingers through his unruly hair. He grew sleepy on my lap. "But bunnies are so cute!" Was he saying I wasn't cute?

"You're not." Ouch. That hurt. "There's more to define you than just being cute. You're kind, gentle. Small, but work hard. And you help others, even if it means you don't benefit from anything." His sharp eyes stared back at me. He slowly got up and gave a light kiss on my forehead. "You're the most amazing thing in this whole world to me." My cheeks heated up and he casually lay back down as if nothing happened.

I tried to change the subject, otherwise, I felt like I would explode. "Why did you never want to be my friend before?" He stayed quiet for a while. "Because I didn't trust anyone. Everyone is selfish. They want to take and take but never sacrifice anything. I thought you were just like that, but I now know, you're nothing like that. Nothing at all, Nika." He called me by the nickname he picked out. Uniquely for him to use.

"Why do you trust me now? Is it because of that present?"

"It's because you genuinely wanted to be my friend. To get to know me. I- I come up here because I feel so free."

"Because it's so high up?"

"The day you climbed up here to save me, you actually did. I wanted to jump from here, and be free, like a bird."

"Like a sparrow?" I giggled and he gently rubbed my head.

"Yeah. Like a sparrow. But this adorable little girl kept scolding me. Called me dumb dumb boy. Cried. Asked to be my friend every day."

"Ooh. Ooh! That was me!" He pinched my fluffy cheeks.

Ëverytime you cam up here, I felt caught. You catch Mr, never letting me fall. Till I realized that without you, I would have fallen into the water for a long time. I became your friend because you threatened to give up and never come back. I want you to catch me. Every day. It makes me feel like someone still wants me beside them."

That worried me. "What if one day, I forget?"

"Then I fall-"

"Then I'll never forget! I promise! That way you'll never fall, and we'll still be best friends forever!" I clung onto him desperately. He returned a sweet smile, yet I could sense a hint sadness... possibly regret. But why? Did he know that I couldn't keep my promise... Or that he was hoping I couldn't. Either way, it happened. One day, I let him fall.

"Hey, Annika! Why're you always running off after school. You've stopped playing with us all of a sudden." Jina asked me after school, but I was eager to go to the reservoir to meet Jem.

"Oh, I play with Jem, that boy I asked about. Besides, I still play with you during recess-

"Not enough. Stop hanging out with that weird boy already! Play with us now!" My friends started surrounding and cornering me.

"I- I can't right now. I have to go meet Jem-"

"No!" Jina tackled me to the ground and wouldn't let me leave. She scratched my arm and it stung. I pushed everyone off. No matter what, I had to go to the reservoir. I had to save Jem! I had to catch him, or he'd fall!

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I didn't even have time to put on any shoes, but I endured the pain. Climbing the reservoir structure just as Jem had taught me, I reached the top to see him fall back, eyes looking at me. "You lied. You couldn't save me." He spoke those last words as he fell. I hesitated before jumping along. I tried to grab him and soon plunged into the cold waters. I reached out to grab his hand, but it was like he was no longer there. Though I knew he was somehow no longer in the water, I was too stubborn, and surged deeper, till I ran out of breath.

"Sir, calm down-"

"That's my sister in there!"

I woke up to the sound of sirens and shouts.

"Annika, are you okay?" My brother was so concerned. I was enveloped in a fuzzy blanket and water dripped from my hair. I shivered and snuggled into the warmth of the blanket.

"Little girl, why were you in a restricted area?" The police interrogated.

"I- Jem!"

"Jam?" The police looked confused at my sudden outburst.

"Jem! He's my friend! He jumped into the water and I was trying to catch him.

"There was no one else but you in the water. Now tell me the truth, why were-"

"I'm not lying! Jem jumped into the water!"

"But there was no one else. Are you sure you aren't making this up?"

"Are you calling my sister a liar?" my brother grabbed the policeman by the collar.

"Sir, calm down, or I will restrain you. Your sister is still young, it is possible it was a made-up friend."

"He's real! He went to my school!" I protested.

"Annika, do I know this friend of yours?"

"Mhm! He was the one on New Years!"

"Sir, this boy is real. Please, there could be a kid down there!" My brother tried to convince the police.

"There was no one! I'm sending both of you home immediately!"

"B-but Jem-"

"If he was in there, he'd be dead anyway-"

"What kind of officer are you? You should be saving a kid, but instead, you're accusing my sister!" He scolded.

"Don't tell me how to do my job-"

"Someone has to, apparently." My brother gave his signature death glare and left the officer shaking. He carried me, blanket and all. The officer grabbed his hand to stop, but he shook it off. "I'm bringing her home myself. You should be spending your time searching for the boy."

He carried me back to his car and started driving me back home. I shivered, but not just from the cold. The thought that Jem was gone... and that I couldn't save him... it haunted me.

"Are you cold, Annika?" my brother asked. I didn't respond. I knew I would cry. "It's- Annika, it's best if you forget about the boy. Otherwise, people will think you're weird. And they'll take you away."

"I can't just forget about him."

"You'll have to. It'll be hard, but it's for the best."

I burst into tears. Yelling 'Jem' into my blanket to muffle the name. That was the last time I'd ever cried in front of someone. I felt I didn't deserve to cry over Jem. It was my fault he was gone. So what right did I have? I only cried in my sleep. And it was because he haunted my dreams.