MY ALMOST
I know I shouldnt questioned you about my happiness
but Im so confuse and helpless this night.
For I almost done everything for her to stay by my side,
did stupid things to get what she wants,
Being so careless about my action to pacify her boredom,
loving all her imperfection and flaws
Yet here I am begging you to bring her back 'cause shes only my happiness, my world, my cruel reality.
I love her so deeply but maybe she doesn't love me that much to stay here with me.
This night, it will be my greatest downfall, for the girl that I love says she doesnt want me anymore.
Telling me this shits face to face was so damn painful but hearing it coming straight from her mouth makes it more unbearable.
For I questioned myself what did I do wrong for her love just vanished and here am I left, unloved and lonely.
As I gaze at the busy street infront of me.
Lights turns paler and roads gets more dim and dimmer
As the clocks ticks in past midnight giving me this errie feels that chills my dead and restless mind.
A road whos now lacking, for I lost someone who promise to stay
And be with me forever as we cross this route hand in hand with both faces shined in glee.
Memoirs of thought that involves you runs in my chaotic brain,
That I can still hear our faint laughter like it was just yesterday.
Your sweet voice calming my nerves when Im in rage,
How I stare with your bubbly face as we talked about random things revolves under the sun,
How I just love loving you in every step that we take and How I always picture us both leads in the path of forever and afterlife, but now, i just lost hope.
This road witnessed a lot of our sacred moments
That it will almost serves as a constant reminder of 'us'
With you and not just me as I passed by in this memory lane of ours.
This good old road now gives cold air breeze for I felt so empty without you by my side.
Giving me such warm and serene feeling as I hold you tight.
For how I longed to be with you again so this route will revived its beauty 'cause when I've lost you.
I also lost myself to see world as beautiful as you.
I always want you happy, happier in fact but
Not with him but with me because I can't bear seeing you with a man,
Happy and contented especially that man will never ever be me.
I've lost not only you but sadly also myself Ive lost my sanity when you left.
My reason to live and still breathing in worlds cruelty now just gave me up,
With no excuse and further explanation and just let me fall in this deepest darkest shit im drowning myself in.
'Cause your the only one whos makin me sane,
Makin' me smile and makin me feel so inlove and makin my world spin!
This is too much!
I shed tears yet it never ease my hearts painful pleas.
As I look around every corner of this busy road.
It reminds me that no ones gonna give you a fuckin care,
No one will be there for you, and time wont stop beacause of your hurt.
No matter how bad my heart was broken busy road wont stop for my grief.
Earth will rotate still on its axis, time will work 24 hours and I will again end this day.
Sheding tears as I crossed the pedestrian lane leading to our once was called home.
A home yet it wasn't anymore.
It's just a place that welcome me with a deafening sound of silence
And another long night misery to start 'cause this whole place has all your scent that gives me more of our nostagic sad memory.
The laughters of ours echoed in every sides of this place. How I love hearing you squirms in excitement when you cooked for our lunch.
Your messy weird style in making our home clean and organize.
As I watch this wide flat screen that once been the reason of our uncounted sleepless night.
The sofabed that cuddles both of us.
The comfort youd bring when I need to be comforted.
Huh! This place resembles you.
My home, my comfort, my shelter!
I'm so helpless maybe.
Tears wont make any difference, I know
But I just found this liquid droplets continuesly falling as my heart been shattered.
Feeling all the broken pieces gradually put scars that won't be omitted.
Breathing a heavy yet a lifeless air, heavy heart and pleading brain.
Im so tired of living.
I feel so tired of everything.
I want to quit! I close my eyes.
Wishing it was a bad dream.
Letting myself believe your still here.
By my side happy ang contented.
I let myself saw the fading light in the lamp post
As I drown myself to indifinite darkness that succumb my whole being.
Like how Im lost right now without you, my sunshine.
My light, the light that maybe gives me hope to be save from this dark nightmare I wanted myself to escape and somehow be free.
I just need you here, beside me.
But it will be miracle, for you to be back and love me again with all of your heart and for me to prove how I deepest love you, my love.