Memories

I look at the other two boys next to me in confusion.

There are so many questions in my head, which can't be answered at all.

Who are they?

Where am I?

How do they know me?

Who. Am. I?

''Hey, Avery uhm.''' The boy with the blue stripes in his hairs begins to talk quietly and my view switches to him, trying to figure out if I know him from somewhere but my memories are completely erased.

At least I know my name..

''Do you remember..anything?'' He continues his sentence and I feel how my throat is too dry for talking, so I just gulp heavily and grab after the glass with water the other boy gave me before.

When I finish drinking the water, I clear my throat and take a deep breath before I start to talk with a quiet and rough voice.

''No, not really-- just my name.'' I gulp again heavily and look down when I see the visible disappointment in their faces.

''Do you like-- want to know something about your life? This sounds so weird I know, but maybe it could help..?'' The taller one asks and I bite my lip while thinking if I should or not.

The thing is, when I let them tell me about my own life, I am afraid I will begin to feel really shitty because I can't remember anything while apparently everyone else knows me.

In the end, my curiosity wins anyway.

''Sure.'' I nod slowly and see how the boys are looking at each other for a short moment, before the one with blue in his hair begins to speak.

''Well uh firstly, I am Finn and that's Aidan,'' He points at the other boy when he says the name Aidan and I nod repeatedly.

''Before the camp, in which we are now, was we three were friends-- good friends and.. Yeah I don't know. Aidan you continue.'' Finn sighs at the end and looks away, through what a painful silence is created for a moment.

''I know Finnegan since kindergarten and we know you since elementary school. Our ways never really split so it's kind of hard to do this right now, but I'll try my very best.'' Aidan smiles at me weakly and I feel my heart beating a bit louder from what I just heard.

I forgot people with which I grew up? This is probably the worst what could happen to someone.

I feel destroyed. My emotions are uncontrollable right now and that only because of this one sentence.

The questions grow in my head to a massive mountain and I want to scream and shout it out. But I can't. I'm lost.

''Your parents were nice, pretty supportive and shit. Especially when you came out to them. I remember how much you were panicking before that.'' Aidan chuckled a bit and Finn punched him a bit on his arm, shaking his head slowly.

''He doesn't even know what happened anymore.'' Finn whispers.

Probably thinking I can't hear him.

''Came out as what..?'' I ask carefully and Aidan looks back at me.

''Well- you were out as uh Trans and bisexual, before you forgot everything.'' Aidan explains and I freeze in my movement.

Wait what..? No-- I what?

''Oh-.'' I let out and Finn stands up, walking around like he isn't able to sit while we talk about that subject.

''Yeah.'' The taller one nods and I gulp.

''What pronounces do you prefer now..?'' Finn suddenly asks from the other side of the tent or whatever this is and I begin to think for a long time.

Who am I?

What am I?

Pronounces?!

Gender?!

I can't fucking think.

''I- I don't know I need to think about, like, everything.'' I breathe deeply and try to clear up my mind.

''That's alright, take your time.'' Aidan says and smiles at me weakly. From what I feel even more bad.

''Can we keep it with she/her until I get my mind sorted...?'' I ask quietly and both of them nod.

''Of course.''

''Where are we?'' I ask softly after a few minutes of silence and Finnegan clears his throat before talking.

''The last place on earth where you can live, well, or we thought so.''

''Are only we three here?'' I continue asking and Aidan laughs a little, but the pain is visible in his eyes.

''No. Here are also some other teenagers. Oh and your cousin. I should get her here.'' Aidan explains awkwardly.

he fastly stands up and leaves while Finn sits down next to me again.

''Why can't I remember anything?'' I stare at him but he isn't looking back.

''We hoped your could tell us.'' Finnegan sighs and I grab out of reflex after his arm as soon as he attends to stand up.

''Please don't leave me alone here.'' I feel how my eyes are watering up and try to blink it away but it isn't working.

''I won't.'' He smiles a bit in a sad way and not even a moment later, I hear a high squeak from what I turn around and see a girl which is apparently crying.

''Avery!'' She yells and pulls me into a hug, from what I immediately tense up.

Who did I forget too now..?

''Carmen...he-- sh- they can't remember you.'' Aidan struggles and talks quietly, whereupon the girl is carefully letting go off me with tears running down her cheeks.

''Shit. I'm sorry.'' She sighs shakily and I bite my lip once again, not knowing how to react.

''Oh uh it's-- it's fine..I should be sorry.'' I try to make Carmen feel better but fail completely.

''No, no, no this isn't your fault okay? I'm your cousin by the way.'' She wipes some of her tears away and my heart is fastly starting to ache a lot.

''I think we should give them some time to talk.'' Finn speaks with Aidan but I shake my head.

''Y-you promised not to go--!'' I remember him and Finnegan stops in his movements.

''I know. I will be right there, but family comes first.'' He smiles before putting my hand down from his arm carefully.

''Okay.'' I look back at Carmen and feel the embarrassment crawling up inside of me.

''See ya later.'' Aidan waves a bit before leaving together with Finn the tent or whatever this is.

''Okay so..''

°°°

''What did you tell him that he suddenly trusts you?!'' Aidan immediately asks when we leave the tent and I shrug.

''Nothing actually.'' I say honest but he is apparently not believing me.

''I don't believe you, but if you say so.''

We sit down at the ground, not far away from the camp and just start look around.

Even if I don't want it to be real, this place got something pretty and peaceful what is- was- missing in my old town.

Maybe we can actually get used to this life..? Just maybe...

''You think he's going to remember anything after a bit of time?'' Aidan suddenly asks and snaps me out of my thoughts.

''Hm? Oh, I don't know. Would be easier for everyone though.'' I answer and we fall in a long pause of silence again.

◇

After a lot of time, I hear some footsteps appearing behind me and I turn around to the noise.

''I thought we could join you guys.'' Carmen sits down next to us together with Avery, who looks really pale so that I begin to ask myself what exactly Carmen told him- her- them- whatever.

''Are you okay man?'' Aidan asks Avery and I am glad, I am not the only one who notices Avery's looks.

''What? Yeah totally.'' Av smiles but it is clearly visible that he is lying.

''Where are th- is he- sh- going to live?'' Aidan also stumbles over the pronounces and Avery smirks awkwardly.

It's probably as hard for Avery as it is for us others.

''I thought Av could live with you and Parker.'' Carmen answers and Aidan nods, glaring at me for a second and then looking away again.

What is his problem?

''Sure.'' Aidan shrugs and stands up while looking around.

''Let's go.''