I'm sorry

After the fight with Will, I am now standing in front of our door since several minutes. Trying, to figure out the perfect apology for my actions.

I know, it is not that bad and was probably just a normal fight, but I absolutely can't handle situations like this. I actually hate it to know, I messed something terribly bad up, so yeah. Here we are now.

As I am about to knock, the door swings open and Will runs past me in huge steps from what I turn around and am stiffened for a couple seconds, before I begin to follow him fastly.

''Will!'' I yell as he just seems to go even faster, wherever he is heading right now.

Obviously ignoring what I am saying, he just shakes his head slightly and walks into one of the alleys between some of the houses which are already build. Let us ignore the fact, that I am already used to this life in a way too fast time-line. I am weird, don't judge me please. I am sorry.

''Please, wait!'' My voices echoes through the path as it ricochets off the walls, right before Will seems to finally get his shit back together.

''Please.'' I repeat myself and slow down a bit more, expecting him to carry on running, but instead, he also gets slower and surprisingly turns around to face me.

''What?'' Will glances at me with a numb look in his face, but as good as I know him, I recognize immediately that it is all show.

God, I hurt him.

''I'm sorry-.'' I start but the boy in front of me lets out a small scoff.

''You always say you're sorry. I'm sick of your empty apologies and everything else. I love you more than anything in my life and I would put your happiness always over my own, but I don't know on which side you are now.'' Will talks with a serious look on his face and tears start to swell up in the corners of my eyes.

Of course, I messed up completely again. Why can't I do anything right? What is wrong with me? Why can't I just carry on living happily with the people I love. Always, it is me, who messes everything up and sets everyone in pain through my lack of human knowledge. I don't know how to fit in. I am lost in myself and put other people through the same shit after me. That is not right.

I am the problem. I have probably always been.

''I- I- Will I swear I didn't know what to do! I love you so so so much and I don't know where I would be now if you weren't here. You are the reason I wake up everyday and make it till through the day. You are the reason I carry on living and hoping for a wonder to happen. You are the thing which makes my life complete, okay? So don't say I am not on your side. I love you so damn much! Goddammit, I would die for you in less than a second!'' It bursts out of me and my voice aches as I get louder with every word which leaves my mouth.

Opening his mouth, but closing it again, Will stares at me. Apparently without finding the words for what I just let out.

''I love you, Will. I always did.'' I gulp heavily and glance down on my hands, almost regretting that I told him everything I felt in that moment.

''Ethan,'' He whispers slightly and I suddenly feel his hand lifting up my chin carefully. ''I love you too and I'm sorry.''

Everything inside of me is slowly starting to feel the wanting, to never let his touch end. I want to feel him for the rest of my life and yes I can already say that. I know, it is stupid, but I truly love him and he is the only person I will ever love. He is my light when everything seems dark, he is my happiness when I am at the edge of tears, he is the love I searched for in so many years.

My way to get me amazed from also the small things around me.

He is in my head at any time and in all the moments I see him, a smile spreads over my face. It is a true smile. A happy one. It tells a story.

God, I walked on a path with sharp nails on. Pain and suffering wasn't a foreign word in my life.

Then I met him. Everything suddenly changed. My way how I act changed, my view to life changed and also my dreams changed.

I know he is the right one. I might don't even understand myself how I know it, but I belong to him.

I love him more than anything.

Not wasting any more time, I lift my eyes and find his quite fast. Those trustworthy and rescuing warm eyes give me the happy feeling of protection and love, which causes me to smile brightly.

My tears already dried and a choked laugh comes up my throat.

Why is he so perfect?

As my eyes wander down to his lips a bit, I automatically lean forward while my hands grab carefully after the collar of his shirt for pulling him into my direction. Our lips meet after less than a second and a warm feeling is spreading inside of me.

Not being able to suppress it, I smile into the kiss widely and nearly let out a happy squeal as Will also starts to smile. Genuinely not wanting to let this end yet, I close the small gap between our bodies and lean even more into the kiss without even feeling the need to breathe any longer.

Leaning against a wall in the alley, my boyfriend wraps his arms around my neck while I have my hands placed on his waist.

With slightly closed eyes, I pull Will even more adjacent like he is my lifeline.

Before the kiss could conduct more passionate and eventually into the wrong direction, we break the kiss for gasping after air. This damn oxygen.

''We uh should head back.'' I scratch my neck and look away awkwardly, trying to find a subject for avoiding to talk about what just happened.

''Yep.'' Will agrees after he cleared his throat and as we both set one step forward, we run into each other and I unfortunately stumble over his feet, from what I almost hit the ground. Luckily, I am able to hold myself up.

''Oh oops heh-!'' I laugh hysterically, but Will just grabs after my hand and we begin to walk again.

This time, without anything colliding around us.

''I'm sorry-.'' I start to apologize and get interrupted by my boyfriend.

''Don't even dare apologize. I'll straight away run.'' He glares at me when I burst out in laughing, trying to catch a breath or two but failing disappointingly.

''What?'' Will titles his head when I am slowly able to breathe again.

''You can't run straight! You're gay!'' I snort and have to hold my belly against the swelling pain from all the laughing.

''Oh my god.'' Will shakes his head in disappointment and facepalms, ignoring that we already managed it to arrive in the middle of our, so called, ,,City''.

''You suck.'' He adds and I stop the laughing, smiling at him warmly.

''I love you.''