Chapter 18: A Determined Heart

The 6 am News buzzed on the TV before me. I didn't pay it any attention. I turned it on to drown everything in noise. To drive my mind from yesterday. That was impossible.

Ray had just finished her batting session and stepped out of the cage. A satisfied look colored her face. Brushing the sweat off her forehead, she walked towards us.

"That felt goooood!" Her eager voice filling the otherwise empty batting center.

I remember Jishi's eyes turning into a worried look as he pressed his lips and spoke.

"You're hiding something right?" His blunt words hit like a truck, silence following behind them. My heart squeezed as I tried to say something. But I just sat there to watch as Ray replied in a toned down voice.

"Why do you ask?" feigning an earnest smile with her lips. My heart squeezing tighter as the conversation progressed.

"Well, you haven't gone to practice lately, I assume. You goof around with us and then leave. The attendant told us you come here often as of late. So I'm just worried." Jishi's earnest words hurt me. My throat swallowed knots in envy.

"Why can't I say such words" I thought to myself. Clenching my fists, watching begrudgingly.

"Well, my mom wants me to do something useful, or so she says. What she wants me to do is to devote myself to painting. She forced me to do it as a child, and I had talent, according to her. But I never liked it, I liked baseball. At first she lets me be. But these days, its like she's obsessed or something. She goes to school and takes me home before the club practice. She threw my baseball gear away. Even though I found them and hid them from her. And yeah..." Her eyes hid behind her cap, while her voice shook softly the air between us.

Jishi stared at her with a warm look. While I couldn't even manage that. I was too self absorbed to even muster that much.

"But, I intend to fight her. The club has a match soon with our rivals. So I need to convince her to let me train. But how?," Her eager voice slowly tainted with doubt, as her eyes remained hidden.

I don't want her to lose to the pressure; I want to help her. But how can I do that? I can't even help myself?

Feeling a small touch on my leg, I lazily turn to Jishi. His eyes dug into mine like daggers. It's the very first time I've seen him like that. Behind his back, his hands struggled to form words.

"Are you just going to watch?" Hearing a crack in my head, I clench my fist solidly. He is right. I can't just watch forever. But I don't have a voice. Instead, I have a dysfunctional microphone. A horrid wail I've had no use for. Not now, never. Because I'm convicted to my silence.

Stepping forward with my heart tearing itself out. I wrap my arms around Ray. Stroking her hair with my hand. My heart pounded, burning through my chest. Stepping back, I look at Jishi as I spell my words out.

"If you ever need anything, both of us will be here. Even at your weakest will play our voices on the piano and violin. If it's to help you stand up against your problems. We will be there. This is what Yata said. Next time you want me to moderate make it less embarrassing, will ya?" Even though he said that the one blushing there was me.

Not another word fled any of our lips. All that filled the remaining silence was our late night laughter. Yesterday I vowed to change. But being frank, I don't think I can uphold it. Even worse, where did I find courage to hug her like that. My heart beat at 97 per nanosecond, while the sovereign's voice pushed through the hallway.

"Child of mine, are you prepared for today's courses?" His voice filled with his playful tone as I sighed away. Picking myself off the couch, I headed to the kitchen. I just hope today my heart doesn't die of yesterday's shame.