35- Sharing Secrets

"Pick one! Your turn."

Scott opted for the ginger one, and dutifully stripped off his bottoms to lay on the bed. He apparently had a habit of going commando, not that Ryan minded. Ryan straddled Scott's legs, and tried his best to recreate what he remembered. He ran his oiled hands up Scott's back, around his shoulders, and down his arms. He had to get more massage oil twice because he underestimated how much it would take.

He really had no clue what he was doing. He was just kind of moving his hands around, taking in the feel of Scott's back muscles. Scott was at least half again as wide as he was, and seeing him like this, there was no doubt he was many times stronger. Even his arms were almost twice as thick. Mesmerized, he traced his fingers lightly along Scott's shoulder blades and down either side of his backbone.

"Like what you see?" Scott asked.

"Huh? Oh! Yeah. Sorry. Um, how much should I be pressing?"

Scott verbally walked him through some basic hand motions, and told him to use as much pressure as possible. With a little more confidence, Ryan got back to work. Thanks to the oil, the room now smelled like gingerbread cookies. Scott sighed contentedly as Ryan kneaded him. He could get used to this.

Once he'd rubbed all the oil into Scott's back, Ryan moved on to his legs. They were equally muscular. It was kind of part of being an alpha. Muscles just came with the genetics. He started on Scott's feet. He hadn't noticed before but, for Scott anyway, the saying "big feet, big (well, you know...)" rang true.

"Hm! That tickles!"

"Does it?" Ryan deliberately used a feather light touch, eliciting a squeal and curled toes. "Imagine, an alpha with ticklish feet."

"One of a kind! And, very real!" Scott insisted.

"Ha! Now I know your weakness!"

"I'd gladly tell you all of my weaknesses."

Ryan got serious again, applying more pressure to try and keep it from being ticklish as he worked in the last of the oil. When he was done, he flopped down on Scott's back, taking in his smell laced with the ginger and vanilla.

"So? How'd I do?" Ryan kissed his cheek and ran his fingers through Scott's hair.

Scott sighed dramatically. "I have a problem."

"A problem I can help with?" Ryan worried. Did he do something wrong?

"Maybe you can help. I'm trying to think of a way to keep my new masseuse all to myself."

"Well let's see... I hear he likes kisses, and cuddling, dinner dates, and recently got in to video games... Oh, and he loves having his hair played with."

"Hm? Is that all?"

"He's also secretly a huge fan of your chest hair," Ryan added confidentiality.

Scott cracked a big dopey grin. "I might just be able to afford to keep him exclusive after all! Here, let me up so I can put my pants back on." He yawned. "Then, we can enjoy some pre-bedtime cuddles? Or, if you're not tired yet, we could watch a movie?"

"When am I not tired?"

Ryan obliged, rolling off to sprawl on the bed while Scott dressed. A little effort between them and the bed was set to rights. The blanket didn't really get dirty, but Scott said he'd wash it in the morning. He then put the oils and condoms away and turned out the lights.

Ryan found it completely novel that he had his own "side" of the bed at Scott's place. Scott had even surprised him with a phone charger to keep here, and it was plugged up next to "his" nightstand. In the morning, he'd drink coffee out of "his" mug, which was an amusement park souvenir Scott had gotten in high school. He'd been debating bringing one of his own mugs to use, but he really didn't have any to spare.

"I know that look." Scott said. "What are you thinking about?"

Ryan slid under the covers and snuggled up close. "I'm just thinking that all this feels like a dream. Like, I'll wake up tomorrow, and life will be back to the way it was before I met you. It doesn't quite feel real."

Scott repositioned himself to get more comfortable, and pulled Ryan to his chest. "It's real. I promise. When you wake up tomorrow, I'll be here. And when we're not in the same bed, there'll be good morning texts, and good night texts, and how's your day going texts... And, when you need me, I'll be there."

Ryan slid down and buried his face against Scott's chest floof. How did Scott always seem to know what to say?

"Here, why don't you lay on top of me?" Scott suggested. "I like it when you put your weight on me anyway."

"That's comfortable for you?"

"It's a pressure point thing. It helps with stress and anxiety."

"You get anxious?"

"Not so much that, but sometimes work gets kind of stressful. Games are a nice way to release tension, but boyfriend blankets are the best!"

A bit more shuffling and repositioning and Ryan was laying over top of Scott, head pillowed on his chest. Scott made a contented sound and rubbed Ryan's back.

"Yup," he declared, "this is the best."

"Cuddle Bug? Have I ever made you stressed?" Ryan asked uncertainly. He could easily see himself as having been a pest several times over. He didn't want to give Scott any more trouble than absolutely necessary, but now that he thought about it, he felt like he was probably a lot of trouble.

"Not stressed, but definitely worried."

"Worried?" In Ryan's opinion, that wasn't a great alternative.

"Yeah. I worry about you sometimes," Scott explained. "I worry about you getting around safely, and I worry about whether or not you get enough sleep with your crazy work schedule, and I worry about you having enough to eat..."

As Scott listed them, each concern hit home. How many times had he been harassed on the street, or even at work for that matter? How many times had he almost passed out on public transit, or as soon as he got home because he'd worked more than fifteen hours straight? How many times had he been forced to ration his food because of emergency expenses? It was almost embarrassing having his insecurities listed so accurately like that, but at the same time, oddly comforting that Scott noticed.

"And," Scott continued, "I worry about some little things, too."

"Like what?" Ryan asked curiously. Scott already covered pretty much every single one of his issues, what else could there be?

"Well, I worry about whether you like the restaurants we go to, or if you're really enjoying whatever video game we happen to be playing, or movie we're watching, or if you like the way I style my hair, for example."

"You're worried I won't like your hair?" Ryan almost laughed at that one.

"It's a valid concern!" Scott defended.

"Well, I happen to like your hair when you do it up all fancy for work. But, I also like when you have it down." Ryan reached out and ran his fingers through his boyfriend's hair. "It's so silky, not like mine at all."

"Well, I'll have you know, I happen to LOVE your hair. It's soft, and bouncy, and when the light hits it just right, it gives you a halo."

"Halo? Surely you're not referring to my numerous split ends I can't seem to get to lay down, are you?"

Scott craned his neck to kiss the top of Ryan's head. "Call it what you will, but I know it's a halo."

How in the world was Scott so smooth? Ryan could feel himself blushing. Scott's chest hair tickled his face pleasantly, and he could hear Scott's breathing and heartbeat from where his ear was pressed against Scott's chest. That, coupled with the hands gently running up and down his back was almost like a drug. The evenings activities had certainly enhanced the feeling. More than anything, in this moment, he felt really and truly loved.

"Cuddle Bug? I have a confession to make."

"What is it?"

"I had to pick up a spare shift to get tonight off."

"I had a feeling that might have been the case," Scott sighed.

"I already worked it though, so our date night is safe."

Scott stopped rubbing and hugged Ryan tight. "I wasn't worried about missing date night. Were you okay? Last time I knew you picked up another shift, you ended up breaking a whole tray of glasses and hurting yourself."

"It wasn't that bad this time. I was able to rest a bit between shifts. It's just... well... Knowing that you worry about me, kinda makes me want to do better. I don't think anyone's thought about me like that since my grandma died."

Scott remembered back to the time he took Ryan to meet his parents. At the time Ryan had mentioned his grandparents raised him, but he didn't say when they'd passed, only that they were gone. With no ties to the rest of his family, how long had he been fending for himself?

"Ryan, listen to me." Scott only dropped the nickname when something was important. "You are strong. I admire you for that. I only worry because I love you. I want to think that when times are hard for you, that I'll be the first one you think of to ask for help. The other week, when you had that harassment incident at work, it broke my heart to see you cry like that. But, I was also incredibly happy I was able to come help."

"I'm glad you didn't get in trouble for letting me crash in your office."

"I've napped on that couch a time or two myself when things got hard. I think one of the nurses did too once, if I remember correctly. She got light-headed and was waiting for her husband to pick her up."

"Can I ask you something? It's kind of personal, so you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Scott gave him another squeeze as assent.

"Have you ever broken down like that? Over something silly?"