You're my paradise

Thomas' POV

As I struggled my way through paradise, I wondered if perhaps I could be trapped in my own mind all along. Nevertheless, too diminute to reach, I spent all my energy trying to reach the yellow door that looked like the sun from afar. The music didn't stop, it continued to hypnotize me and move my body towards it. As I walked I tried to remember who I was, what I wanted, but it all led me to the same conclusion: I must continue walking, so I did.

The music started getting louder again and so the yellow door seemed more reachable, though I was exhausted. I could no longer feel my legs, numb from walking for hours; my stomach growled like a wild lion just as eager to get to the party as I was.

Once I got even closer, the temperature went up abruptly, almost burning my eyes against the yellow door. The music was so loud I was unable to hear myself talk, but I continued walking. Unsurprisingly, the handle of the door was burning hot, melting my hand. I watched as my skin vigorously fell down like wax from a candle, though numb to the pain I made my way into the room.

The room took the form of a dance club, people danced to the music like their lives depended on it, and the lights reflected every colour. Making my way to the bar where they surely would serve me some food, I glanced at one of the girls that was dancing, her patterns were strangely the same, she made the same dance moves, and never stopped; the same seemed to happen with everyone.

"Can I have any food you got, I'm starving." I told the man in front of the bar as I sat.

"Sure thing, long trip eh?" The man went and made the order. He put up a paper down in the kitchen and came back. "Anything to drink?"

"Yeah.. Water please."

"Are you kidding? Nah dude, here you need it." He reached for a glass and served some liquor I wasn't familiar with.

"What's that?" I asked curiously.

"Don't worry about it."

At that moment I knew I shouldn't have taken the offer, but I drank it all, in fact more than once, I couldn't remember to be exact. Once the food came in, I was already drunk, and I don't know if it was the side effect of the liquor or not, but what I saw on the plate was someone's head, his face still showed signs of fear.

I went on and ate it vigorously, I was too hungry and drunk to care. I cut the head into pieces with a butcher's knife I was given, and savoured the weirdly delicious food.

After I was done, I joined the dance club, and danced with my regained energy. Within my drunk self, I wondered if this was paradise, it didn't seem as far within reach as I thought, in fact anyone, no matter their mistakes or lifestyle, could accomplish this enjoyment.

Someone on my right gave me a pill, it was red like the rose that I kept in my pocket. I took it, and smiled, then I continued dancing. The world seemed to spin around me even faster, it seemed never ending, I looked around to the now flowing walls and smiled, everyone around me celebrated with me, till their heads started falling off of their bodies. They got too close, and almost asphyxiating they tucked me into their headless bodies. There were screams everywhere, unable to see, I tried to escape from the lifeless body's arms.

Once I took my freedom, I glanced at the people screaming; everybody was sitting, screaming, their eyes revolting in some neverending void. As they all stared at me and screamed I tried to comprehend what was going on.

"What. What is it? WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. SHUT UP. I HAD ENOUGH. CAN'T I ENJOY MYSELF FOR A LITTLE WHILE?! SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!" Yet the screams didn't stop, an aura of hatred embraced me, and as I took a look at their faces again, I was able to recognize them. Every single of the people in the room were people I had killed, their taunting ghosts were haunting me.

I fell to my knees, and for once in my life, I had pity for myself.

"I'm sorry I fucked up", was all that came from my mouth as I let out a yant.

Next to me, my mom appeared, she touched my shoulder and hugged me.

"Son, don't neglect what you are, the world deserves to burn can't you see? They hate you, and you can't live with that can you?" I shook my head.

She turned my head around making me look at her eyes, while she wiped out my tears.

"You're broken, I can see it in your eyes, like me. Let that anger out honey, you can end this suffering, let your sanity vanish."

I nodded as I looked at her in despair.

"I love you Thomas."

Those words made me remember something else though. Eli. I closed my eyes and remembered that day.

She looked at me with heartful eyes as I pulled her in for a kiss. Her lips were soft, like the clouds I wished to reach one day.

"Eli.." I whispered.

"I might not be what you think I am." I looked down.

She brought my chin up, and smiled softly. "I love you Thomas," she whispered and kissed me back.

Opening my eyes again, I couldn't stop smiling, Eli loved me, she loved the Thomas I was, who was I before anything of this happened? I couldn't remember, but I had to stop listening to my mother's words.

I stood, and looked up.

"Mom, I'm done, murdering, making people suffer. I don't want to see the world burn, you're dead, there's nothing you can change about that. And I will show you that, yes, life is painful, but it's worth it."

Suddenly, everything seemed to shatter like a mirror and lightning took my vision. Closing my eyes, I whispered in hopes of a prayer, "you're my paradise, Eli."

And then everything blacked out.