Bites and Bruises

We all left the diner earlier and rode to the zoo together. Nova brought Melody and Luc to go and find Razi when we arrived. I went to the aquarium, Nova and Razi both know I am there whenever I disappear. They know I like heading in alone because of how quiet it is. So, they never hesitate to turn their head and find something else to look at for a while. Besides, we ARE at a zoo.

The aquarium is my haven. For some strange reason, where I'm from nobody takes interest in it. Meaning besides a strangler visit every now and then, the place is always vacant. But this is the first place I go anytime I'm dragged to the zoo. I love all animals, don't get me wrong. But sea animals hold a special place in my heart. Seeing them also relaxes me and helps me to think.

Melody's dad was so nice. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

But it got me thinking even harder about how fortunate these girls are. They deserve it, they truly do. To have such beautiful and loving families. To be so close to each other and so happy. Picture-perfect.

But then I wonder why my story isn't the same. Is it somehow my fault? Did my very existence become the same reason that life fell from me so quickly? What did I do? Why don't I understand?

~You're worthless! You're trash! You're nothing! How can you be so pathetic?!~

Shut up! It's not true, you know it's not true! Breathe, girl. Breathe.

They hurt me. They cut me. They scarred me. They broke me. And then they laughed. As if it was part of some cruel sick joke. So, they continued in their entertainment. Over and over again. But as time moved on they became more angered than amused. I was growing used to the pain. They didn't like the blankness that fell over my eyes. They craved the fear. The terrified vulnerability. But at that point any feeling was long gone. Replaced by a numbness. A blur from reality. My true emotions ran off into la la land.

Taken advantage of in so many ways, it was sickening. I was forced to lie and hide the truth from those I care for the most. They are still in the dark on unseen memories. Blocked off by a mask, shield, and wall so secure and so suffocating. It's not like their was ever much choice. Believe me, it wouldn't even be on my list of options. None of it is something I take pride in.

He said he wanted to do it out of love. That all of it was love. That he was allowed to because he loved me. That he could touch me. Beat me. Neglect me. Starve me. Take my innocence. Abuse me. Cut me. He could do whatever it is that he wanted with me. Because he loved me. Love.

Love equals pain. Love equals control. Love is objectifying. Possessing. Demeaning.

Not for everyone, I'm sure. But when you're trapped in a loop of torture for a piling of years with only one excuse, one word that made it acceptable, how can you believe otherwise? It twists your mind into a set of backwards value. Always do the opposite of what has been done to you. It's a jab at the definition of morality. There is a lining between all good and bad.

He said love, but showed hate. Both strong emotions that bring strong actions. Yet both actions so different depending on the word you choose. Isn't it interesting how equal and opposite these four-letter words really are? And sad how easily they can be mixed together?

I can feel silent eyes on me, cautious about if they should come any closer.

"Hey, Angel." I puff out a small air of laughter as I hear a shocked gasp nearby. I can hear a hesitance in her steps as she moves closer to me. When I briefly glance in her direction I can see how stiff she looks. There seems to be a tension I placed in the air. It's quite easy to do that in an empty room and when you lose yourself in thought. She takes quick glance between me and the floor.

"H-how did you k-know it was me?" She answers unsurely and startles again when I turn to eye her and chuckle. She rubs her ear, a nervous habit I'm guessing.

"Razi and Nova don't stare as much, Angel." I arch an amused brow as her eyes brighten and her cheeks heat up. She tries stammering out a response, but clearly doesn't know what to say. "Lighten up, Angel. I think it's cute." She reddens even more and smiles shyly.

"Nova told me w-where you w-were." She confirms my suspicions, and I nod at her. I could take a wild guess, but I chose instead to ask what they were doing right now. "Smothering Lucas." She jokes to herself, catching both of us off guard. I smiled at how true of a response this joke actually is, she looked down and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Do I make you nervous, Angel?" I ask thoughtfully. She lifted her head so fast I was afraid she gave herself whiplash. I was just curious due to her actions, but turns out I was right. I'm not sure what would make her so nervous though. It's not like I'd harm her in any way. Am I that scary? "Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for." She frowns at me in confusion. Not even a stutter appears as she utters those six words. "I-I just think y-you're beautiful." Her face heats up once again. Beautiful? The only people who have said this to me are Nova's family. And, to be frank, they find everything beautiful.

"Well, thanks Angel. So are you." I decided not to think too much on it. She lowers her head and looks up at me timidly, her fingers found there way back to her earlobe, and she is rocking on her heels. "You know I don't bite, right?" I nibble on my lip as an effect and see her gaze flicker down to them. They stay there even after I release. Her stare lingered, and oddly enough, I don't mind it. "Angel?"

"Why do you call me that?" She asks almost absentmindedly, not moving her eyes away from where they landed. Hmm. For someone who often seems very nervous, that is quite bold of her. I'm low-key impressed, but I also kind of want to mess with her a bit. Decisions, decisions.

"Does it bother you, Angel?" I pull my lips up into a mischievous grin and bite down harshly on the side of my bottom lip. I hear her intake a sharp breath and watch as her expression freezes. Giving me a good picture of her widened eyes, pinched eyebrows, stilled solid smile, and deeply flushed cheeks. How precious. I wonder if she'd mind me taking a picture. Looking at her again, I accepted my previous idea. I pulled my phone from my back pocket, aimed to capture the beauty and expression, and said candid before snapping. The camera shutter noise brought her back.

"U-uh, no! No, no! I-It doesn't b-bother me. A-actually I l-like it! A l-lot. But I'm j-just curious." She speeds out. Which causes me to genuinely smile even while amused.

"An angel symbolizes beauty and purity. It fits." This was my true first impression of her after almost having dropped her on the ground. She just gives off a light, innocent energy. It's in her demeanor and presentation of herself. Even shows through her family; like the casual similarities between her and Luc.

Speaking of Luc, he just ran in with Nova. Razi strolling in right behind them. He grins over at Melody and me. And before I know it Luc is tugging on my arm.

"Hey, little buddy. Having fun?" I got down on my knees as I grinned at the little guy. He nodded energetically and continued pulling at my arm and pointing over near the fish. He wants me to bring him over. I stuck a thumb to my shoulder, and he clapped, then went behind me and climbed on. I slowly stood up and gave him a piggy back ride over there. I ended up walking him around to look at all the sea animals. We saw jellyfish, and eels, and otters, and seals. Anything in the water. He would get so happy, finding everything he saw to be more amazing than the last. It was so wholesome.

After a while we went to find the rest of the group. Luc played with my hair, and giggled, as I looked around. As I go around the corner I see Razi and Melody chatting by the sea turtles. Then Nova, whose face is attached to the viewing glass. Drawing closer I can hear my name pop into the conversation.

"What's Bliss's...? Oh gosh, I don't even know! Why don't I know?! She didn't tell me?! Why wouldn't she tell me?! I have to ask her." He states exuberantly. I eyeroll having no idea what he's going on about.

Got on a knee to let Luc down and he waved at me before running to see turtles with Nova. Afterwards continuing on over to the two. Angel's face shows worry while Razi rants. Time to go save her.

"Down, Razi. Down." I walk up to him and ruffle his unkempt hair. He looks down at me from his whole inch taller self. He puffs out a breath and sticks out his fist, which I connect with mine.

Razi is very similar to me. Besides his tendencies to maintain flare. Always the drama king for the theatrics of it. But he's always been a theater kid and never fails to put a smile on someone's face. It's one of the many things I love about him. He stays true to himself no matter what. So proud of who he is and if anyone has a problem with him they can see themselves out.

But when the drama fades away he's just a good-natured teen. He's definitely way more laidback than his sister, and can be almost as straightforward as myself at times. He doesn't have a filter and isn't afraid to call it as he sees it. Be he is one of the kindest people you will ever meet.

"Helloooo!! Earth to Ro! You still with us?!" A hand waves in front of my face. I just arch a brow at the palm and move my eyes to meet his. He rolls his eyes at me. There! Right there is our top similarity; we are both massive eye rollers. It's practically our trademark at this point. Nova is the oddball who hardly does so. But her bubbliness doesn't fit the gesture. "You've got some explaining to do missy." He points at me dutifully and crosses his arms. Well then.

"What?" I roll my eyes back at him.

"Why, oh why, pray tell... do my dark homosexual booty cheeks not know your romantic preference? At all!" He clapped twice at the end as my eyes shifted to Melody. Her eyes profusely focused on her shoes. She must have asked him. She was probably curious because of my earlier actions. Still the question managed to throw me off guard and I scrunched my brows.

When I answered both eyes widened at me. Bored, I shrugged and went to see turtles with the others.