Monday Blues

I reached blindly for my phone to stop the alarm. The damn thing is driving me crazy. When I finally made it stop I stayed on the bed for a few minutes, or so I thought because mom knocked on my door and said I'm gonna be late for school. I took the phone from my nightstand and looked at the time, 6:25 am! Shoot! I'm gonna be late for school if I don't hurry up. I took a quick shower, got dressed, made sure my shirt is not inside out (it had happened a few times), ate my breakfast while making my lunch, brushed my teeth and got my stuff together in record time. I had trouble falling asleep again last night and I feel like a wreck! Now I have to make a run for the bus. I barely made it out of my front lawn when Raiden pulled up in front of my house.

"What are you doing here? I asked surprised!

"Picking up my girlfriend. You haven't seen her, have you?"

"I might have seen her running after the bus." I can't help but laugh.

I got in the car thankful that he showed up. Raiden is being the perfect boyfriend still and I feel my conscience gnawing at me. I should just be happy and contented with the current situation.

As soon as I sat down, he handed me a Starbucks cup. "I know you don't like coffee but I got you a white mocha instead." Why does he have to be so perfect? My insides are crying,

I was out of sorts the whole day, I don't exactly know why but I do have an idea.

It was hard enough going around school without Mark, not because I don't know where to go but just because I got used to having him around. Seeing him with Heather was even harder. To top it off, going around with Raiden is not a walk in the clouds as I had imagined it, either. Everywhere we go, I feel people giving me "the stare". Gives the phrase 'if looks could kill' a whole new meaning for me because I just want the earth to open up and swallow me whole. The people Raiden introduced me to were polite enough (or scared of him) to act nice in front of Raiden but I can feel their dislike and disapproval of the situation. They disapprove of me being part of their circle. Maybe because Taylor was their friend too? Who knows?

I did not dare tell Raiden about this feeling of mine for he might just tell me me that I have an overactive imagination or that I'm being paranoid and then laugh at me. I'm not sure if someone like him can sympathize with me or if he's ever felt this way in his life...if he's ever felt like an outsider in his life. I bet people trip over themselves just to be his friend and just to be able to hang out with him. which leads me to that big hole in my mind again...why me? Of all the girls in this town, why did he pick me?

I tried talking about it with Michelle and Therese and they both told me that I'm just overthinking things. Therese told me that it's impossible not to like someone as wonderful as me and I think she's biased. Michelle told me almost the same thing. She said, "What's not to like Cassie? You're too hard on yourself."

They weren't much help so I felt the need to confide in my mom. I wish I can ask Mark and get a guy's point of view but I know that's not happening based on our last conversation about Raiden.

That evening, I told my mom about my fears and she told me that maybe I am being paranoid. "I don't know why anyone would hate you or dislike you Cassie. You deserve to be with Raiden, you deserve to be happy with each other. Give yourself a chance and some credit. You're pretty, smart and you have a good heart...and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mother. It's nobody's business who is dating who because they won't be in the relationship with you. Raiden picked you, you agreed to be with him and you have to be confident with the choices that you make. You also need a lot of trust to make your relationship work."

"I guess you're right mom. Thank you. I don't know what I will do without you, you always say the right things to make me feel better about myself."

The past few weeks were hell though. Some girls have been asking me if Raiden and I are really together, if I'm really his girlfriend. When I say yes, there are mixed reactions, some looked disappointed because Raiden's taken and some are disappointed because it's me. Though there are some who are genuinely happy for me, there's some who are saying that I just got lucky and they hope I don't wake up from my dream soon. The latter were mostly from Taylor's circle. Michelle usually tells them to get lost and to stop being jealous, then she'd tell me to just ignore them. As days went by, I was glad that the hype had died down a bit and I wasn't getting bullied as much. The thing is, it doesn't happen when I'm with Raiden and I don't want to tell him still. I wish he can be with me all the time but we have only a few classes together plus he has tons of extracurricular activities too. He has been a perfect boyfriend though and I cannot complain. This week alone, I got flowers three times and he would leave small gifts in my locker all the time. Candies, chocolates, notes...I even got a cute panda phone case from him. I have been looking forward to spending time with him now, I even can't wait to talk to him in the evening before I go to sleep. I find myself missing him when he's not around.