What is Love?

I decided to take a long warm shower and I only got out because my mom was calling me for lunch. Jason was babbling about mark giving him a Topps card signed by Kobe Bryant and he was even telling us how much it's worth now. "Why is he giving it to you if it's worth that much?" I asked skeptically.

"Because I asked for it and I'm his best friend!" He boasted.

I shook my head in disbelief. This kid has no shame. "Mom, are you hearing this? Are you really gonna let him accept that card? He's just gonna lose it or damage it." I argued.

"Noooo!" Jason protested. "I'm really gonna take care of it. I promised Mark that I'll take reaaaally, reeeaaally good care of it."

My mom just shrugged, She usually stays out of our arguments unless real arbitration is needed.

Mark did drop by after lunch as he said he would. Mom offered him a snack since she made some pretzels too but he refused. "I'd love to Mrs. J but I really have to go. Thank you for offering but maybe next time." He took quick pictures of the notes and Jason has gone to his room with the card. he thanked me and said, "Thanks Cas, appreciate it," then he was gone. I wanted so bad to ask him to stay and talk because I missed him so much but my pride won't let me do it. I guess he doesn't feel the same way because he can't wait to get away fast enough.

After Mark left, my mom and I were left in the living room. I was laying on the couch and she was reading a magazine by the window.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you know if you're in love with a person?" Now I'm curious.

"You know, I honestly don't know. I think it differs from person to person. There's no one way to describe it, you just know. Why do you ask?" She's now looking at me.

"Nothing, just curious and wondering,"

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" She knew something's up. She has tis mom antenna that alerts her of everything happening with her kids.

"No, not really,�� I tried to dodge, "How did you know you were in love with dad though?

"Your dad was the hottest guy I know, wherever we went. I didn't get distracted by other guys, even at the beach haha!

"What about that stuff you read in books, the chemistry, electricity, magic...you know, the works?" I pried more, not fully satisfied by her answer.

She thought for a while, "When we started dating, I would get nervous whenever I saw him. I had this feeling of being in a roller coaster when it first comes down."

"Like butterflies in your tummy?" I interrupted.

She nodded smiling, "...and when he complements me or passes me a note, that happy feeling would last all day. Sort of like an energizing smoothie. When he smiles at me, my heart skips a beat and I tend to hold my breath. Hahaha, it's a wonder I didn't die back then. Most importantly, when I'm with him, I feel like I don't have to put on an act or pretend to be someone I think he expects me to be. I know he will accept me for who I am. I can talk to him for hours about anything without worrying if he's judging me or if I'm saying anything I'm not supposed to. I feel complete and content whenever we're together, as if we're the only two people on earth. But of course it's not always good, there's some rough patches here and there but we always work them out in the end."

her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. I know it's hard for her still to remember dad because I still miss him a lot too. I wish we can have him back with us especially at times like this. I can feel my mom's loneliness and longing and I know she misses him much more than I do.

"Aww mom," I began. I wanted to take her away from her memories right now." What if you find that guy but it seems like he doesn't feel the same way about you or he doesn't want to be around you?"

"Are we talking about Mark?" she inquired, seemingly reading my thoughts.

"Of course not!" I tried to deny it.

"You miss him, don't you?" I can't hide anything from her.

"Fine! Yeah, I kinda miss him. I miss hanging out with him and talking to him about anything and everything." I miss him more than I'm willing to admit. I miss walking home with him, goofing around with him and acting silly. Though we've know each other for a short span of time, we had spent most of our waking moments together for the past weeks. Those were some of the best moments of my young life, I had to admit. I've never been that open to anyone, not even Therese. "I wish it can just go back to the way it was." I confessed. The weird thing was when he told me on the phone this morning that I looked terrific last night, I felt like I won the lottery."

"If you think you're in love with Mark, then why did you go steady with Raiden?"

Is this a trick question? Why is she purposely confusing me? "I didn't say I'm in love with him!" I protested. "Besides, I like Raiden and he makes me have butterflies inside too.

She stood up and walked over to me. I sat up and made room for her to sit and after she sat down I laid my head on her lap. "Oh, honey. I wish I can tell you what to do but like I told you, it's different for each person. Only you can tell what you genuinely feel for a person, whether it's love or it's infatuation." She was stroking my hair. "All I can tell you is that if your heart is in the right place, with the right person, no matter what happens, everything will turn out just fine as long as you work together to make it right."

That night, I lay awake thinking who I'm really in love with. Is my mom right? Am I in love with Mark? My mind keeps saying no but there's this small voice I couldn't quite hear. I fell asleep with those thoughts so it manifested in my dream. I was in a big house where a party's going on. I was with Mark, then Raiden asked me to dance and I took his hand, went to the dance floor with him. Mark was just staring at us but he stayed seated on the table. Then Heather came and she took Mark's hand and led him to a room. I wanted to follow them and tell Mark that I wanted to go home but Raiden was still holding my hand and my feet won't move. Raiden said, "Let them be, let's enjoy the party, shall we?" Then he held me closer to him and everything vanished including Raiden and I found myself in a jungle. A big snake was coming towards me and I was trying to scream for help but no voice was coming out. Just then, I woke up with beads of sweat and I was out of breath. I tried going back to sleep but it took a while and I had to put on meditation music in order for me to calm down.

I spent my Sunday with Mom and Jason. As planned, we went to the dinner and movie place in Rocklin. They enjoyed it, especially Jason. We were supposed to go the previous weeks but Mom had to work. Somehow, this trip made Jason remember Mark and he asked how come Mark doesn't come over anymore. I just told him the truth that Mark already has a girlfriend. "What? You're not his girlfriend?" He asked innocently. I laughed at his remark but it made me feel a tinge of wanting inside.