After Thanksgiving, I felt closer to Raiden than I had the past few months. His mom and I had become textmates and I would often schedule a weekend with her and Raiden. I feel that Raiden is happier lately too. I guess his gripes about not being able to spend time with his parents are somewhat resolved though his dad is still often away on business trips. At least he gets to spend more time with his mom more. Unlike my relationship with my mom, it seems they're very distant and less expressive about their feelings. His parents are huggers but they rarely show emotions, from what I have observed. Before I knew it, it was already the Christmas season. One time, on the way home from school, I asked Raiden where he's spending Christmas. I was hoping we would spend time together during the holidays.
"I dunno yet, my family hasn't really talked about it yet." He replied but changed the subject.
"Are we going to the winter formal? It's less than two weeks from now." I glanced at him and I noticed his facial expression change for a brief moment. Was that anger or annoyance that flashed in his face? Did I say anything wrong?
"Sure, whatever you like." He seemed distant and disinterested. Come to think of it, he has been like that for a few days now. I just haven't asked him about it yet because it didn't seem that serious before. But this is the first time I talked to him about something and he had this reaction, like he could not care less.
"Is something wrong?" I asked. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"No, I just have a lot on my mind lately and believe me when I say it has nothing to do with you. Just some personal stuff I have to deal with."
"Either way, I'm still here to listen. You know I won't judge no matter what it is."
"Nothing to concern yourself with." His tone had a finality in it that made me drop the subject. The next few days wasn't any better. We had been together for three months now and I have never seen him lie this. A few days before the winter formal, I told him I was going to the mall with Michelle to buy a dress. He looked at me for a few minutes without saying anything. "Earth to Raiden...do you hear me now?" I asked waving my hand in front of his face. "Don't, I'm sorry Cas, but my parents just told me last night we were going on a trip to Europe during the Christmas break. We leave tomorrow.
"Wow! Thanks for telling me." I was clearly annoyed. I find it impossible that they made plans last night and then they'd leave tomorrow but then I reminded myself that when you have money, anything is possible. If I had as much money as the Pattersons I probably can have lunch in Paris and be back tomorrow in time for school.
"I am telling you know. It was a last minute decision for us since my dad is having a business meeting there this weekend, my mom decided we should just spend the holidays there and visit family. Her brother and his family lives there remember? Sorry I couldn't tell you anything sooner since i was surprised too."
"Sorry, I'm just disappointed that we can't spend the holidays together. It's our first Christmas together. How long will you guys be staying there?"
"I don't know yet, Maybe until after the holidays. I'm really sorry Cas, I wish I can spend Christmas with you, too but I don't really have a say in this. Please try to understand."
"I do understand, I just feel sad about it."
"Will it make it better if I say I'll call you everyday?" I nodded and hugged him hard.
"I won't even get to give you your present." I said sadly.
"You can give it to me tomorrow morning, we're not leaving until noon. I also want you to come take me to the airport, please?"
"I haven't finished it yet, my gift, I mean. And I really don't know my way around yet to drive that far, sorry." I said, now feeling bad.
"You don't have to drive, the driver is taking us and all you have to do is cuddle with me."
"I'd like that."
"I'm gonna miss doing this though," he leaned over to kiss me. It was a deep soulful kiss. When he pulled away, I can see sadness in his eyes. It kind of scared me for some reason.
The next day, I rode with them to take them to the airport. Talk about luxury I didn't even know they made vans look like this. Their van looked like an airplane, with 3 rows of leather recliner seats. in the first row, his parents sat unusually quiet. I mean they are pretty quiet people but today, there is something in the air I couldn't quite put my finger into.
I snuggled into Raiden in the van and held his hand tight. This is the first time we're going to be away from each other since we got together. "I hope you can be back before New Year's Eve." I said hoping his parents can hear us and they'd take pity.
"I hope so too Cas, I hope so." His parents glanced at each other for a brief moment. Was that sadness in their eyes?
"My life's gonna be so boring without you.�� This is mostly the truth because my world has revolved around the two of us for weeks now. I have learned to be really dependent on him for things. I became so spoiled I was already thinking about what a drag it would be to walk to the bus stop in the mornings, not that it's the only reason I don't want him to leave.
After Thanksgiving, I felt closer to Raiden than I had the past few months. His mom and I had become textmates and I would often schedule a weekend with her and Raiden. I feel that Raiden is happier lately too. I guess his gripes about not being able to spend time with his parents are somewhat resolved though his dad is still often away on business trips. At least he gets to spend more time with his mom more. Unlike my relationship with my mom, it seems they're very distant and less expressive about their feelings. His parents are huggers but they rarely show emotions, from what I have observed. Her stories about Raiden is so different from the Raiden I know and have come to love. I could not imagine him beating up other guys, drag racing, or getting arrested for underage drinking. It seems I met the good twin.
Before I knew it, it was already the Christmas season. One time, on the way home from school, I asked Raiden where he's spending Christmas. I was hoping we would spend time together during the holidays.
"I dunno yet, my family hasn't really talked about it yet." He replied but changed the subject.
"Are we going to the winter formal? It's less than two weeks from now." I glanced at him and I noticed his facial expression change for a brief moment. Was that anger or annoyance that flashed in his face? Did I say anything wrong?
"Sure, whatever you like." He seemed distant and disinterested. Come to think of it, he has been like that for a few days now. I just haven't asked him about it yet because it didn't seem that serious before. But this is the first time I talked to him about something and he had this reaction, like he could not care less.
"Is something wrong?" I asked. "You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"No, I just have a lot on my mind lately and believe me when I say it has nothing to do with you. Just some personal stuff I have to deal with."
"Either way, I'm still here to listen. You know I won't judge no matter what it is."
"Nothing to concern yourself with." His tone had a finality in it that made me drop the subject. The next few days wasn't any better. We had been together for three months now and I have never seen him lie this. A few days before the winter formal, I told him I was going to the mall with Michelle to buy a dress. He looked at me for a few minutes without saying anything. "Earth to Raiden...do you hear me now?" I asked waving my hand in front of his face. "Don't, I'm sorry Cas, but my parents just told me last night we were going on a trip to Europe during the Christmas break. We leave tomorrow.
"Wow! Thanks for telling me." I was clearly annoyed. I find it impossible that they made plans last night and then they'd leave tomorrow but then I reminded myself that when you have money, anything is possible. If I had as much money as the Pattersons I probably can have lunch in Paris and be back tomorrow in time for school.
"I am telling you know. It was a last minute decision for us since my dad is having a business meeting there this weekend, my mom decided we should just spend the holidays there and visit family. Her brother and his family lives there remember? Sorry I couldn't tell you anything sooner since i was surprised too."
"Sorry, I'm just disappointed that we can't spend the holidays together. It's our first Christmas together. How long will you guys be staying there?"
"I don't know yet, Maybe until after the holidays. I'm really sorry Cas, I wish I can spend Christmas with you, too but I don't really have a say in this. Please try to understand."
"I do understand, I just feel sad about it."
"Will it make it better if I say I'll call you everyday?" I nodded and hugged him hard.
"I won't even get to give you your present." I said sadly.
"You can give it to me tomorrow morning, we're not leaving until noon. I also want you to come take me to the airport, please?"
"I haven't finished it yet, my gift, I mean. And I really don't know my way around yet to drive that far, sorry." I said, now feeling bad.
"You don't have to drive, the driver is taking us and all you have to do is cuddle with me."
"I'd like that."
"I'm gonna miss doing this though," he leaned over to kiss me. It was a deep soulful kiss. When he pulled away, I can see sadness in his eyes. It kind of scared me for some reason.
The next day, I rode with them to take them to the airport. Talk about luxury I didn't even know they made vans look like this. Their van looked like an airplane, with 3 rows of leather recliner seats. in the first row, his parents sat unusually quiet. I mean they are pretty quiet people but today, there is something in the air I couldn't quite put my finger into.
I snuggled into Raiden in the van and held his hand tight. This is the first time we're going to be away from each other since we got together. "I hope you can be back before New Year's Eve." I said hoping his parents can hear us and they'd take pity.
"I hope so too Cas, I hope so." His parents glanced at each other for a brief moment. Was that sadness in their eyes?
"My life's gonna be so boring without you." This is mostly the truth because my world has revolved around the two of us for weeks now. I have learned to be really dependent on him for things. I became so spoiled I was already thinking about what a drag it would be to walk to the bus stop in the mornings, not that it's the only reason I don't want him to leave.
At the airport, I was calm until they had to go through the boarding gates. I am not an emotional person but I couldn't help myself. I tried to stop the tears because I don't want to get embarrassed. I used to sneer at people who cry in airports, even in the movies but I guess it's different when it is someone you love and you are not sure when they will be back. Okay, I know I'm being overly dramatic because he said he'll be back after the holidays but that's still quite along time not to see someone you've been with almost everyday for the past three months.
"I'm gonna miss you so much" I hugged him like there's no tomorrow which seems apt since he won't really be here tomorrow.
"I'm gonna miss you too, babe. More than you can imagine."
I hate making scenes so I had to keep it at a minimum. I really don't want to be that girl in youtube bawling my eyes out while everyone else looks on wondering if she's crazy. Catherine came up to me and gave me a hug. "We'll be back before you know it. Don't you worry, dear."
"Have a safe flight," I told her. Then I turned to Raiden, "Call me, please?"
���Every chance I get." He kissed me on top of my head and hugged me one last time.
"Go, go, go! You don't want to miss your flight!" I pushed him away before I start crying again. I watched until he disappeared after the gates and gave me one last wave.
I called the driver and he met me by the exit. It was one lonely car ride home.