UlanMakata

Between Storms and Rainbows is a collection of proses that tackles love, life, healing, existence, and depression. A middle ground of hope and despair, a rollercoaster of emotions that will take you to places of a soul no one has ever reached. A book anyone can relate to because we all have storms inside us; the most beautiful disasters. And at one point in time, we all believed that after the destruction, there comes someone who would pick us up but, it isn't always the case because sometimes, we're left with no choice but to either stay broken or start to fix ourselves. Each chapter is a journey between calamity and calm, dancing on the fine line that separates asymptotes and happy endings. Half a tragedy and half a blessing.

Between Storms And Rainbows

I have come to realize that I am not always a walking battlefield—that there are rare moments I'm suddenly genuinely okay. 


These are the good days. When my walls are down and I have a chance to rebuild a part of myself that was damaged by the war. It's a ceasefire from my own mind; the sweet taste of occasional freedom. It had always felt like it's the first time I took a deep breath, my lungs finally filled with the scent of life, radiating inside my chest with familiar warmth. And I know for a fact that this is one of the reasons why I had kept moving forward through countless of downfalls and defeats from my own self, even if I am but an exhausted warrior and all that I have managed to get from a few triumphs are wounds and scars. 


I live for these moments. After a long time of numbness, I can finally feel again. 


These are the times when the water is kind enough for me to sing in the shower instead of drowning in self-pity. The ocean is so calm I can keep the waves of thoughts at bay and sometimes they seem far away that I can hardly notice them. Once in a while, I'll have the strength to talk to people I care about and tell them about my day without forcing myself to not be emotionally drained. And I will recognize the endless universe outside, experiencing the world rotating under my feet. The hands of the clock will start to move and time will make sense again.


Temporarily, I can feel the passion come back for the things that once kept my heart alive. The mastery will feel alien in my palms as if I am fitting my very soul inside of it and yet, it will be so overwhelming how much I have missed doing the things I love. These are the days I feel normal enough to get out of my bed and clean my room. Then after the productive hours, I will sit looking at my accomplishment and congratulate myself for taking a new step into healing. And I'll be able to sleep soundly for a night when I don't agonize on the thought of tomorrow or the vague future ahead of me. 


This is why I'm still here. Because although I know these days will end, I am filled with hope that someday they will not be so few and I will come back to that version of myself from when I was fine. 


The Good Days