Forty-Two

I can still remember every detail that happened last night. All the dances, the performances, the foods, the craziness, all of it.

It all lives in my head rent-free.

One thing I enjoyed is that I even got to perform one last time. I've never sang a whole song in front of a crowd in my entire life. I discovered a talent that is hiding inside me for years.

Time check, 8:20 p.m., It's Thursday. I only have at least 23 days left until summer vacation. Graduation is in March and I'm very happy to be able to close this chapter of my life and start a new one.

I did nothing today, except for reading a book and playing volleyball under the sun's scorching heat. I'm pretty bored today, to be honest. I'm just in my chair, watching my friends laugh and talk loudly.

It's one of my favorite views.

Alexander invites me to watch his gameplay later at the Astro's Basketball court. He was convincing me to watch him play but I have a project due on Monday and I can't just sit and be chill.

I told Alexander the reason why I cannot come. I know he understands it so I wished him goodluck and I left.

I felt bad, he was hoping for me to come and watch the play, but my schedule is pretty much full by now. I have these projects and assignments that are starting to be like a pancake getting stuffed together.

Can you imagine that? 23 days 'til the graduation but assignments and projects are still on load. I just can't wait for this to end and be on a vacation. It sucks you know, all of this loaded homework.

And it sucks, that you know all of this is just a dream.

I'm in my bed, laying down like a corpse in a casket with dextrose attached to me. I feel completely numb. I can barely move my body and head.

All I see now is the ceiling of my bedroom and the sun rays touching my face coming from the window.

I've been here for-I don't know, days or weeks, I guess. I remember one time hearing what the doctor had said, "His body is shutting down. We can't measure the time he has left, but for now, it's best to stay with him for a while." And that summed it all up.

I'm dying.

That's what's happening now. No other options. I will be just waiting here for my time to come and end.

I heard the door opened so I glanced on its direction and saw my mother entering the room. Her eyes are readable. I can say that she was just done from crying before entering my room. She grabbed the chair from my desk and put it beside my bed. Quietly, she sat on it.

"Hi, Mom." I whispered. She smiled at me and held my hand firmly. I held her hands too same way how my mom dows. "You okay?"

She nodded at me and wiped a tear that is coming down from her left eye. "Asher," she then spoke. "I am very sorry for all the arguments and misunderstanding that we had made. You know that I love you so much and I just can't-" Between her words, there are sobs and tears that I can't handle.

"I can't afford to lose you, son." she finished.

I took a deep breath before speaking, "You're not going to lose me, mom." I whispered and pointed to her chest. "I will be there. Always. And when my time ended, you know for sure that I will be guiding you, Alexis, and Alexander. I will be watching and be by your side, by your presence."

Every word I let out, adds pain to me and my mom. I can't even imagine how it would be painful for them to see me in my final hours. Laying down and watching me as I hardly breathe.

Hours have passed, the sun is nearly setting and I'm still here at my bed.

I'm tired even though I did nothing except lay down and sleep and wonder and think and everything that I can at least do while in bed. Alexander was with me the whole time. He is in his bed reading a book.

I never paid attention to it but when I did, I noticed that he's reading a book of mine.

"Is that-" I muttered and he quickly turned to look at me and back to the book.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry, it's just there on your desk and I can't help it, dude. I'm curious about reading too." he explains and puts down the book on the desk.

"It's alright. You can borrow it."

We both let out a laugh and went silent. I stared at him for a moment and smiled. Noticing what I did, he gave me a 'what' look.

"You're a good man, dude." I muttered. "I know you know that."

"Well, that's because of you." he immediately responded. "You helped me change and improve myself, Ash. And I thank you for that. Thank you for everything."

I gave him a soft smile. Moments later, the door of my room opened and that's when I saw Alexis entering with a stern look on his face.

He went to my desk to grab a book and sat on the floor. He then opened the book and started reading. Not believing what's happening, I repeatedly glanced at them. "What the hell is going on?" I chuckled while kept looking at them repeatedly.

"What? We just want to read." Alexis immediately responded.

"Since when did you have interest in reading?" I questioned.

He went silent for a moment, thinking for an answer, I guess. "I don't know-You know what just shush, okay? I will read here in peace."

A few seconds later I heard a bop. I looked at both of my brothers and saw them both sighing. The books were closed and are placed on the ground. I laughed at the both of them knowing that they couldn't last reading at least a few chapters.

"Okay, maybe reading isn't for me." Alexander muttered with his arm placed at the top of his forehead.

"Me neither." Alexis chimed in.

I laughed at them again while they continue to struggle. "Argh, I just wanna know the story but I'm too lazy to read the whole god damn thing." Alexander groaned.

I stopped laughing and turned to look at them. A few silence later, I decided to just stop teasing them and just tell them the story of each of the books they were reading earlier.

Surprisingly, they were interested and they sat close to my bed just to hear the stories that I am about to tell them.

Storytelling went for an hour and they were satisfied with it. One of the most precious things to see is them being satisfied with little things.

I'm not feeling well now. My eyes are very tired. I don't know if I could last for another hour. I want to sleep and rest but I don't want to end this moment yet.

My eyes suddenly glanced at the guitar that is sitting on Alexander's bed.

"Hey, Benj." I called him, my voice sounded so weak, but I still managed to tease him. He gave me a quick glare that quickly transitioned into a worried emotion.

He doesn't like that nickname but I don't care. I always find it funny when I tease him. "Play something for me, will you?" I forced myself to smile, looking at the guitar and him. He glanced at the guitar and back to me, still wearing the worried face.

"Come on, Alex." Alexis said with a tone of sadness in his words. I looked at him and he was already looking at me with pity wearing his eyes. He turned to Alexander, "Please." he insisted.

Alexander stared at him for a second and nodded then grabbed the guitar. I noticed that mom was also in the room this whole time. Watching at us with a worried smile on her face.

I turned to look again at Alexander and then he started strumming the guitar. I immediately recognized the song the moment he started playing.

Happiest Year by Jaymes Young.

Also one of my favorites. I listen to it every night. It's like my calming comfort song. Every time I listen to it I feel comfortable and completely calm at the same time. He then started blurting out the lyrics of the song.

The slow lyrics and the soothing sound that is coming from the guitar makes me feel comfortable even though I'm struggling now. I can hardly breathe.

He sang the whole song while staring at me, while they all stare at me.

Alexander keeps looking back at me and the guitar, Alexis is facing the ground while his arms are on the top of his knees, and my mom is in the door, standing and watching us.

As the song goes on, I could feel my body completely shutting down and my eyes are about to close. Everything went very dramatic when Alexander sang the last lyric from the song.

"Thank you for the happiest year of my life." he sang and strum for the last time. He can't help but let out his tears. He set his guitar aside and wiped his tears with the sleeve of his jacket.

"Mom." I weakly muttered. She immediately barged her way to me and got to my side. Alexis stood up as well as Alexander.

I looked at each one of them. "Thank you." I muttered. "For everything."

I forced myself to speak loud so they can hear. My mom didn't respond but just cry and caress my hair. She nodded after that and smiled at me.

She stood up beside and there came Alexis rushing to embrace my weakened body. I pushed my hands to get up and embrace him too. "You go and take care of yourself, okay?" I whispered and smiled. "Be a man."

I can feel him nodding at my shoulder, "I will." he answered and pulled back from the hug. I smiled at him again and put my fist up He bumped it with his fist and backed away to give Alexander his turn.

Just like Alexis did, he crouched down to get low and to talk to me comfortably. "Hey," I whispered, putting my hand on his shoulders, gripping it firmly. "You're now the big brother of this family. Be good, promise me."

He shook his head slowly while biting his lip, forcing himself not to cry. "No." he responded in a whisper and sniffed. "No, Asher. You will always be the big brother in this family, okay? No one can replace you and you know that." he said, pointing his finger at me.

I don't have any other choice but nod as an answer to him smile.

Trembling, I put my fist up again, but this time, I want every single one of us to do it. I took a deep breath before I spoke and looked at each of them. "Families for life?"

Alexander looked at my fist for a second before bumping it. "Families for life," he said. Alexis and my mom also joined and muttered the same words at the same time.

What a beautiful moment for me to not forget.

My arm suddenly fell from the way I was holding it up. My eyes are very tired and they were about to close.

I gave them one last genuine smile before I close my eyes.

And sleep eternally.