Epilogue

March 2020

Alexander

Asher passed away last month and it still couldn't process with my mind. But, remembering one of those lines that he once said, "Whatever happens to you or to anyone, you must move on and get over with your life. Otherwise you will be bringing that problem to you for the rest of your life and you will be miserable."

It will always help me bring myself back together.

Attending the graduation was a very hard thing to do. Looking at the crowd of students, I thought about Asher.

He is supposed to be there, sitting along with his friends while waiting for his name to be called and go to the stage. But, that is not going to happen anymore because he's gone.

Asher is gone.

Though the graduation ceremony is long and boring, I still liked the fact that they paid a tribute to my brother.

Every time I caught one of his friends looking at me, I smile at them. I'm very glad that these group of people is his friends. He made good friends.

I've also made quite a moment on the ceremony. Mr. Eric asked me if I could do a little speech about my big bro and, of course, I would take the chance.

I cleared my throat before starting off the speech. "Thank you, Mr Eric, for giving me this opportunity and thank you to all of you also." I pointed out the crowd with my hand. I can see them smiling and nodding. I took a deep breath then started with the speech.

"A month ago my life changed, again. We lost a friend, a companion, a teammate, a good soul. And I lost a brother. It's hard to accept the reality of waking up knowing that I'm alone at a bedroom when every morning I get to annoy him first before going to school." I paused to catch my breath.

"I can't do that anymore. Every morning, at the table, sipping coffee with my Mom and my brothers, I feel very incomplete. I miss him everyday. His lessons, his annoying tease, his words...all of it. There's not a single night where I stare at his bed, pretending that he's just there laying down and sleeping peacefully."

For that long I can't help but let my tears drop. I bowed my head while my hands grip both sides of the podium. It took me second to get back to myself and continue the speech.

I raised my head up and looked at the crowd again. "But, Asher wouldn't be happy if we keep mourning on him like this. I'm sure he doesn't want us to be this sad even though we know he's not gonna be with us anymore."

Again, I took a pause and took a deep breath. "Life may do suck. It gives us endless challenges and consequences, but it doesn't mean that we can give that up. Life was given to us, we need to embrace it and appreciate it. And yes, life is short. So, go out there and be you and enjoy your own life. Make the most out of it before it's too late." I finished the speech.

The ceremony lasted for another 30 minutes and we all went to the stadium for the after-party. I don't know if that's what you call it but it's like that.

There were tables and foods and even professional persons talking to the valedictorians of the school. My mom is talking to one of Asher's teachers while Alexis is with his friends.

And I'm here at the bench of the stadium, staring at everyone.

"Indeed a good speech you made there." I heard someone spoke. I looked to my right, from where the voice came from, and saw Candice walking towards my direction.

I smiled at her and she took a seat a few meters from me. "Yeah, I'm not sure if that was really good because I broke down two times...I think." I chuckled.

She also chuckled and glanced at the students at the stadium, "Yes, but it was still good though." There was silence for the both of us.

"Do you miss him?" I spoke, looking at her. She also looked back to me. "Asher."

She didn't answer the question right away but I can see the sadness wearing in her eyes. I knew that it was a dumb question.

"You know, after I got the news that he was... gone," she started. "I felt every pain that you guys are also feeling. The fact that we knew he only has a little bit of time left hurts so much. I just can't believe that he's now gone."

"Yeah," I responded. "I didn't even get to sleep that night. I can't close my eyes and wake up the next day without him by our side."

The silence came again and we were there feeling the heavy weight of emotions. Until Justin came offering Candice and I a bag of chips.

"Why are you eating chips when there are clearly variety of foods that you can pick in there?" Candice asked, pointing at the side of the stadium where the foods are located.

"Oh, Candice, you don't know how very unhealthy this bitch is." Maddie suddenly chimed in, holding a cup of soda.

"Says the one who's drinking soda." Justin talked back.

"Don't be stupid. This is the only time I got to drink this kind of shit."

Justin was about to talk again when Mika suddenly spoke. "You guys are so loud that the whole stadium can hear your argument."

"How does the whole stadium hear us?" Justin dumbly asked.

"Buddy, just-shush." I said and shook my head while chuckling. Agatha, Cristina, and Irish then appeared too. They just finished eating their meals with their families. The eight of us stayed in that part of the stadium and talked and talked and talked like this is our last meeting.

Well, it is actually.

All of them are now graduated and they are all going to college.

After the event we visited the small beach where we surprised Asher for his birthday celebration.

God, I miss that stuff so much.

We hang out in there for a little while. We also went to the arcade, the mall, watched some movies in the cinema and other basic stuffs that a normal group of friends would do.

I got home at probably 8:00PM. Mom is in the living room watching TV. I gave her a kiss in the forehead before heading upstairs to check Alexis.

As always, he's in his PS4 with a bag of chips and a soda by his side. I smiled for a moment before closing the door and let him play in peace then I went to the bedroom.

I drop my things to my side and wore my jacket off. It was a long day for everyone. I hopped into the bed and sighed loudly while staring at the ceiling.

I decided to take a bath first before completely going to bed. After taking a bath I put on my gray jogging pants and a maroon sweater that Asher lent me a few months ago.

Then my eyes suddenly glanced at the desk.

It was Asher's favorite spot in the house, in his room. A smile grew on my face without me knowing it. I walked forward to check out the things that is left in there.

My fingers ran smoothly on its smooth top. On the right side is Asher's stuff. Books, folders, a figurine of a phoenix, his drawings, and a picture of Alexis, him, and I.

I went to his side to grab the picture and stared at it.

Memories and moments came flashing to my head. All the laughs and joys we all shared are running at my head while staring at this very wholesome photo of us.

As I hold the picture, my finger felt something on the back of it. I turned it around to see what is the thing that I just felt and it turns out that it is a paper. A folded paper that is taped to the back of the photo.

I detached the paper and placed the photo down to the desk. It has a symbol in it. It was easy to recognize, it was a phoenix in a circle with its wings spread out.

Asher has always loved mythical creatures, and this one is his favorite. A phoenix.

Then I sat on the chair and unfolded the paper. It contained a letter, to be exact.

Realizing what it is about, I closed the paper for a moment and my right hand slowly reached and covered my mouth as I try to prevent myself from tearing up.

I took one deep breath and opened the paper again. Then I started reading it inside my mind.

Dear Alexander,

If you are now reading this, I'm probably sure you've gone through my stuff again. I know you're not going to leave my stuffs alone. It's always like that. But, anyways, since you're now reading this, you have no choice but to continue 'til the very end. I made this note so that if you, somehow, which I know you've done it now, found this you'll get to read my last words that I've not been able to say.

This will be the first and last letter that I've ever written. I want you to know that when that time comes, the time that we have always feared, I would like you to be the big brother of the house. Of the family. I don't know how much time I have left so I made this note. And every night, I've been saying your names in my mind out loud.

Agatha. Maddie. Justin. Mika. Irish. Cristina.

Candice. Alexis. Mom. And you, Alexander.

I repeat them over and over so that I will not be able to forget your names 'til the day I die. I remember the very light moments we've all been together. I miss that stuff so much.

I never thought that I would meet my long lost brother again. But from that moment you introduced yourself, I knew there's something that would make me believe that somehow my brother is still alive. And I have.

I always believed I have.

If I only had a time turner that could turn back the time, I would do it and do the stuffs all over again. The future is ahead of you, brother. It's in your hands. I know you will find your way to the right path. Take care of everyone for me, will you? And take care of yourself also. You deserve the world. You deserve your life. You deserve to be happy.

Thank you for the happiest year of my life.

'Til next time, brother.

Asher.

After reading the note, I don't know what should I feel. Emotions, mix of emotions came lurking inside of me. The paper has drops of tears that came into my eyes. I placed it down to the desk and let myself lay down on my bed.

It hurts, brother. It still hurts that you're gone. But, I'm gonna do what exactly you told me to do.

I will finish high school, go to college, take care of Mom and Alexis, be in touch with our friends, and walk my way to the path of my future. I will remember all of your words and I know you're gonna be guiding us all the time.

It's me who should've been saying this to you.

Thank you for everything. You will always be my big bro and no one can change that. I won't forget anything about you.

I let all my tears come running down through my face until my eyes became tired and I fell asleep under the moon's watch.