CHAPTER 6

Samuel's POV:

All I see is blood. God, please no. Don't tell me she did what I think she did... Sam cut herself? But why? There are so many things I want to ask her but I don't even know how to start.

Damn it! I can think all these later, first of all, I need to clean her wounds. I also need to make sure that mom and dad don't know about this. I picked her up and made her lay on her bed. I grabbed some tissues and applied direct pressure to her cuts in order to stop the bleeding. After some minutes, the bleeding finally stopped. I cleaned some other parts where there were blood stains. Her clothes were also stained in blood... just how much did she cut? I thought of changing her clothes just in case mom and dad came here.

I went to Sam's wardrobe to get her clothes, that is when I could hear Sam trying to speak. I quickly went to her,"What the? Where am I? her voice wasn't really like her anymore. It sounded a bit sad and hoarse.

"Sam, you are in your room. How are you feeling now?" I asked her nervously. I didn't actually want her to get mad at me again.

"Samuel? Is that you?" She asked me and at the same time she was trying to adjust to the light.

"Yup. I.. um.. found you in your bathroom.. wi" before I could say something, Sam got up and said, "It isn't what it lo- ouch!" She hissed in pain.

And before anything else could happen, I snapped at her, "Sam! You are still hurt! Don't get up! Lay on your bed!"

"Wait, you are not mad at me? You don't hate me?" Serioulsy? She just woke up and that's the first thing she asks me?

"No, well, I mean, I am a bit mad at you for not telling me that you have been... um... doing all these..." I didn't know exactly how to talk about this to her.

"You didn't answer the second question" she barely whispered. But I could hear that loud and clear.

"Huh? What?" What the hell is she talking about? But soon enough, I got my answer. But the next words that came out of her mouth made me dumbfounded.

"Do you hate me now?" I was dumbfounded. How could my own twin think that I hate her?

"Is that a question? Are you seriously asking me if I hate you or not?" I asked her with a bit of anger in my voice.

"I believe that's what I clearly asked." She told me by raising her voice as well. I could sense that a big arguement is gonna take place.

"Well, then, I don't hate you or whatsoever. You think something like this can make me hate YOU?! My other half?! What do you take me for, Sam?!" I tried to calm myself but I failed badly. I literally shouted at her. Big mistake, Samuel. Big mistake.

"Well, forgive me, Sammy if I think that way. It just so happens that people hate me for..like no reason at all! So, I thought that my brother which just so happens to be you, would definitely hate me for th-" I didn't exactly let her finish her sentence and just hugged her. Like really hard. I could hear her gasp.

"I don't hate you, silly. I love you more than I love myself, more than mom and dad, more than...anything... Just don't scare me like that again. I thought I lost you there.. can you even imagine how scared i was there?" Before I realized, tears were falling from my eyes and I was crying in Sam's shoulders.

"Sammy, I am really sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry like that. And sorry for saying..um..you know, all those stuffs to you back there. It wasn't right of me to say all those to you." Any normal person would have thought that she was talking about the 'fight' we just had. But I know her better than anyone. I knew she was referring to what she said when we were eating.

I broke the hug and looked at her straight in the eyes and asked her in a low tone,"Sam, why did you say all those to me? Do you really hate me that much? Did I really make you feel that way?" I asked her nervously. Honestly speaking I was damn afraid to hear her answer.

I saw Sam's eyes filled with guilt and regret. "Sammy, I never meant all those. I guess I was just angry and felt lonely all these days and the kids at school weren't exactly helping either. They would always call me names and would always compare me to you. It hurted me so much."

Now, it was Sam's turn to cry. I hugged her again and tried to stop her crying by saying soothing words to her. "Hey hey...shushh..it's gonna be okay soon. Don't worry. And besides don't listen to them. They are jerks. Do you really want me to sing that song again?" I asked her and I knew this would get her.

"No, please, anything but that." She said laughing. "Now, that's the smile I was looking for." I said giving her a smile if my own.

"Thanks. For being here with me." She said smiling. This time, it was a genuine smile. A real smile.

"Don't sweat it. I am always gonna be here for you. Even if you don't want me to. Cause we-" "Are twins." And she completed my sentence. Like always she did.

"Yup. Anyways, you feeling better now?" I asked her worryingly.

"Yea, my body is a bit sore but I am sure all I need is a good sleep and I will be good." There was one thing that was bothering me. And I really didn't know how to bring that topic.

"Hey, Sam, can I ask you a question?" I asked her nervously. Sam noticed the nervousness in my voice and nodded her head.

"Um... why were you... doing that in the washroom?" I asked her looking straight in her eyes.

"Um, what are you talking about?" She turned her head and I knew that she only did that when something made her uncomfortable. But I had to know why she was doing... um... that.

So, I asked her, "Samantha." She flinched when I called her by her name and not Sam. Honestly though, it even feels weird for me to even call her by her full name. But I really didn'tcare about all these now. Right now, Sam was my priority and to help her, I am willing to call her by her full name as well. "Do you love me?" I asked her.

Sam could sense that I was serious and answered, "What's this about now? Ofcourse I love you."

"Then, tell me why were you doing that." She was nervous. And scared? I sighed and held her small and fragile hands in my big ones. "Sam, I love you, okay? I care for you, okay? Please don't be afraid to tell me about your worries. It kills me to know that you were doing that for God knows how long and I didn't even get to help you. Please give me a chance. I promise that I won't leave you." I asked her with a bit of hope in my eyes.

Sam sighed and began talking, "Sammy, I honestly don't know where to start from. I guess it was back when I was 8. It was on our birthday. People had wished you and all. But not a single person other than mom, dad and you had wished me. I felt like a... waste of space that time. When you went to sleep, I was doing my homework back then. I was thinking about how people used me and all. I was beginning to cry. So, I went to the washroom. I was trying to calm myself. And then I saw the scissors and without any second thought, I made a cut on my wrists..." She said without facing me.

I was trying to process everything she said. Why didn't I notice the cuts then? Then, something clicked inside my head. "Wait. Is that why you started wearing my hoodies?! To hide your cuts?!" I asked her.

She nodded weakly. She again began speaking. "I knew that it was bad. I knew that I would get addicted. But I had no choice. It was my only way to survive. It might not be the best way. But it's also the only way." Sam started crying in my arms.

"Please... forgive me... please don't hate me..." she started to mumble those words in my chest as she cried her heart out. My hands cupped her cheeks and made her look at me. "I love you, okay? I don't hate you. I can never do that." I told her with a smile.

She returned me with a weak smile and asked me, "Are you mad?" This time, she was looking directly at me.

"I am mad that you didn't tell me. But other than that, not really. And don't worry, we will solve this together. You are no longer alone. Your other half is with you in this battle now. And I will always be with you in this battle." I told her wholeheartedly while hugging her tightly fearing that I might lose her any moment.