It's been a full week, maybe more. I can't tell anymore everything feels the same. It's the same routine, the same people, the same sounds, the same food, the same four walls in different spaces. The Same...
Everything is the exact same.
Everyday I
Wake Up
Get Ready
Do Work
Walk
Eat
Talk
Sleep
Repeat
The same thing.
In and out
Out and in
And in out
And out in
In
And
Out
Death is the water I thirst for. I can't do this anymore. I want it all to end. To go back to normal. I want a break.
Work is my life vest. It keeps me afloat but I barely, I want to drown. Drown my existence, be cleared of sin, become one with the Universe again
But I am tethered to life by the routine.
The exact same thing.
I watch others breathe life like it's easy. Floating of the same waters as I, yet... I can't breathe the waves and keep pulling me in. I watch how they swim with each arm reaching just so to perfectly replace the other. I want to swim, but no I don't, I want to drown. For everything to end so I can just... I think I just might get my wish
But not before the laughter of everyone else reaches my ears. The joy of relaxation, the pride of completion, the excitement of new beginnings, the release that comes with relaxation,
And I can't feel any of it. Just the water as it brushes my mouth and never quite reaches my lungs, as it pulls my arms back. Taunting
I don't think it wants me to go. But that's fine as long as I drown before Spring's end.
It's been a full week, maybe more. I can't tell anymore everything feels the same. It's the same routine, the same people, the same sounds, the same food, the same four walls in different spaces. The Same...
Everything is the exact same.
I'm drowning and I won't save myself. I'll flail and scream and thrash and pray that someone helps but I will not save myself. It's what makes something different. I crave it Need it Want it.
But everything is the same
And I'll always drown.