The Same

It's been a full week, maybe more. I can't tell anymore everything feels the same. It's the same routine, the same people, the same sounds, the same food, the same four walls in different spaces. The Same...

Everything is the exact same.

Everyday I

Wake Up

Get Ready

Do Work

Walk

Eat

Talk

Sleep

Repeat

The same thing.

In and out

Out and in

And in out

And out in

In

And

Out

Death is the water I thirst for. I can't do this anymore. I want it all to end. To go back to normal. I want a break.

Work is my life vest. It keeps me afloat but I barely, I want to drown. Drown my existence, be cleared of sin, become one with the Universe again

But I am tethered to life by the routine.

The exact same thing.

I watch others breathe life like it's easy. Floating of the same waters as I, yet... I can't breathe the waves and keep pulling me in. I watch how they swim with each arm reaching just so to perfectly replace the other. I want to swim, but no I don't, I want to drown. For everything to end so I can just... I think I just might get my wish

But not before the laughter of everyone else reaches my ears. The joy of relaxation, the pride of completion, the excitement of new beginnings, the release that comes with relaxation,

And I can't feel any of it. Just the water as it brushes my mouth and never quite reaches my lungs, as it pulls my arms back. Taunting

I don't think it wants me to go. But that's fine as long as I drown before Spring's end.

It's been a full week, maybe more. I can't tell anymore everything feels the same. It's the same routine, the same people, the same sounds, the same food, the same four walls in different spaces. The Same...

Everything is the exact same.

I'm drowning and I won't save myself. I'll flail and scream and thrash and pray that someone helps but I will not save myself. It's what makes something different. I crave it Need it Want it.

But everything is the same

And I'll always drown.