Whatever That Means
There are some words I never thought I'd say
Words that carried no meaning until today
Until I could no longer go further than a mile from home
Until my friends were not just a night's sleep away
Until the four pink walls I only saw for a moment became my life
Until everything I hated was everything I loved
Until I didn't feel like me
I miss it.
Speaking Spanish poorly
Hearing "puntos negativos" every day felt constant.
Her screams greeting me as I walked through the door
I miss it
I didn't know what would happen
Talking about Tacos Tres Amigos
Trying new foods every time the clock hit 10
His 2016 bearded Instagram man aesthetic
I miss it
I should have been there, but I wasn't
Staring at the screen confused
Trying to figure out what the sign needing a tan cause its cold has to do with anything
His English may not have been the best but I loved it none the less
I miss it
I should be relaxing, but I can't
Listening in on the gossip I would never be able to use
Marking papers with purple ink, hoping to give everyone the point
Their cherub faces
I miss it
I feel haunted by the thing I hated most
Calling her a crackhead was so easy when I saw her every other day
Paying zero attention but always completing the work
Her voice was always trying to keep up with her head
I miss it
I think I would kill just to see her again
Spending time with my friends, we never did any work
Trying to figure out if it was microliters or milliliters when it was most definitely micro
Her mom energy was out of this world
I miss it
I had the most fun then, now it's just staring at a screen
Confusing— I was constantly confused— but I liked it
Doodling to my heart's content, but I found it so fascinating
He could never figure out how tech works
I miss it
I wonder if he misses us too, even if it's just for a second
Watching The Bachelor, Big Brother, anything but the lecture
Completing someone else's work but still getting A's
He was the nicest, even if his disappointment was clear.
I miss it
I hope this online thing works
I can't do this anymore, I feel like a shell of who I was
But maybe I was always a shell, my only trait was good grades
It's killing me
I miss it, I wanna go back, I wanna see them all again, I wanna not be here.
Whatever that means