Is This Envy

Is this envy?

I don't think it is.

I'm happy for you always

This isn't envy

Today you won

You cheered on every social media page

You told me first because you wanted me to be happy

Yesterday you couldn't stop talking

"Congrats, we're glad to inform you…"

I know that might of the happiest day of your life

That meant everything to you

Last week meant nothing to you

You called me crying, to comfort you

You got another win too

Your win was yours and you watched it pile up with the others

In November you lied to me

Maybe you just never got around to telling me

You hid the truth

You won

Tomorrow will be a new day

You'll have a new win, new friends, new plans

You'll be happy and everything will fix itself

You'll be okay

Is this envy?

Am I envious of you?

Maybe I'm just tired

I think I'm tired

Today I lost

I cried on the floor after saying "congrats"

I never told you because you didn't need that on your shoulders

Yesterday I kept my mouth shut

"We're sorry to inform you…"

I don't know how I held it together

That meant nothing to me, right?

Last week I got my win

I was the happiest I'd ever been for 5 minutes

I wanted you to be okay and put my feelings aside

My win was taken from me and I watched it go

In November I lied to you

I wanted something to be mine

I hid the truth

I lost

Tomorrow will be a new day

I'll have a new loss, the same friends, the same plans

I don't think I'll be happy for a while

I don't I'll be okay

Is this envy?

I think I'm envious of you.

Maybe I should tell you.

I think I'll let you be happy.