Although My Lips Are Blue And I’m Cold

James barely heard the sound of his own hand rapping on McGonagall's office door over his blood rushing in his ears. His mind was whirring a thousand miles an hour, and most of his thoughts were along the lines of: "why the fuck did you try to kiss him?"

He only gained Severus' trust back a minute before he pulled that stupid stunt, and he might have just ruined their friendship for a second time. He still didn't even know if Severus was gay.

The door swung open on its own accord, and the Transfiguration professor sat behind her elegant, mahogany desk. She looked up from the papers she was marking and placed her quill in her ink pot when she spotted James. She gave him a warm smile, or as warm as McGonagall could get.

"James, I trust your presence means Mr Lupin found you without a problem. I hope I wasn't interrupting something important," McGonagall greeted. James gulped and straightened his posture, he wouldn't let her know what exactly she interrupted.

"What did you need me for Professor?" James asked. He sat down opposite McGonagall.

"Well, as you're well aware, you've always been an extremely advanced transfiguration student. I know you want to work as an Auror someday, however I want you to know that you have other options if you change your mind. Your work in transfiguration is nothing short of phenomenal, and under the right tutelage, you could flourish in the field," McGonagall explained.

"What are you saying?" James asked.

"I want to offer you an apprenticeship, here at Hogwarts," McGonagall said with a gentle smile. James reeled back and his heartbeat leapt in his throat.

"Seriously? Professor...I-," James stammered.

"Of course I don't expect you to have an answer right away. I wanted you to know that the offer is there in case you change your mind about becoming an Auror," McGonagall explained.

"Why me?" James asked.

"Several of the staff members are offering mentorships for a select few in your cohort. As I am aware, Professor Flitwick has already spoken to your friend Miss Evans about a Charms apprenticeship that she accepted," McGonagall said. James blinked. Lily hadn't told anyone about her new mentor, although it didn't surprise James, he knew how brilliant she was in Charms. She was top of their year.

"I'll consider it. Thank you, Professor," James said sincerely. He rose from his chair to exit the room.

"James, wait. I mean it when you say you can take your time to decide if you want to do this or not. This offer stands for the next several years, it's not going to disappear overnight. You have a true aptitude for Transfiguration, I'd hate to see it go to waste if you decide that the Auror field isn't for you," McGonagall said. James nodded and shot her a smile before leaving.

He mulled over McGonagall's proposal. He had to seek Lily out and ask her for advice on how she reached her decision. This new dilemma pushed the incident with Severus in the library to the back of James' mind.

***

"So..." Remus drawled, eyeing Severus up and down. The two dwelled in an awkward silence after James left, neither of them daring to speak until now.

"What?" Severus snapped.

"Hey, you don't have to play dumb around me," Remus defended. He sighed and sat atop the wooden desk. The two lapsed into another awkward silence. Severus fiddled with a loose thread on his sleeve, desperate to redirect his attention away from his thumping heartbeat.

"I'm sorry for interrupting whatever that was, I won't tell anyone what I saw," Remus offered. Severus shot him a glare.

"There's nothing to tell, and you weren't interrupting anything," Severus replied.

"Oh please, Severus. A blind man could tell that I interrupted something there," Remus countered.

"There's nothing going on, trust me," Severus shot back. Remus noticed how his shoulders slumped when he said that, and Remus felt a tad defeated.

Remus never expected that James would swing that way, especially since he spent most of their former years at Hogwarts chasing after Lily Evans. That's not to mention his other flings too, such as Mary McDonald. However, there was no mistaking what he just saw.

Meanwhile, Severus had similar thoughts racing through his mind. It could be chalked up to a 'heat of the moment' thing, but Severus found himself hoping that wasn't the case. Up until now, he assumed that James was as straight as they came, and that he was just comfortable with his sexuality. That explained the way he acted around Severus.

Severus now doubted this was the case. Did his own compliance with James' attempt to kiss him mean that he wasn't straight either? After all, he found himself wanting to kiss him too, he didn't make any attempt to pull away.

"Hey, for what it's worth, I know how you feel," Remus spoke up after noticing how Severus seemed to be battling with himself. He eyed the Gryffindor carefully, prompting him to continue.

"I'm sure James has told you about my feelings for Sirius," Remus quietly confessed. Severus' head shot up to meet the other's vulnerable gaze. Severus grasped the opportunity to take the attention off himself.

"He hasn't. All James ever talks about is how Sirius is madly in love with you," Severus drawled. Of course, this wasn't overtly true. Severus just wanted to give Remus a shove in the right direction. Remus flushed and fidgeted with his robes.

"He's not madly in love with me, as you so gracefully put it," Remus defended.

"Oh really? I thought you were the smart one in your group, Remus," Severus deadpanned. He smirked when he saw Remus' face screw up as he shook his head. Something told him that Remus was going to ignore his admission.

"Seriously, Severus. I'll forget what I saw here," Remus said. Severus gave him a curt nod and the Gryffindor disappeared behind the row of books, leaving Severus alone in the library again.

***

For the next week, James and Severus couldn't catch a moment alone together. Whether it was their friends or their classes, something was always interrupting the two of them. Saturday night quickly came around again and James was annoyed that he barely saw Severus the whole week. That morning, James sought out Severus and told him to meet him outside the Slytherin common room at 10pm.

"Who has the map? I need to use it tonight," James asked, invisibility cloak folded underneath his arm. Remus shrugged his shoulders, not looking up from his book as he sat crossed-legged on his bed. Sirius pulled the map out from the drawer on his bedside table.

"What are you getting up to tonight?" Sirius asked, furrowing his brow and looking at James out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm meeting Severus. You guys will cover for me if anyone asks, right?" James asked. A sly grin spread across Sirius' face.

"Yeah, we will. I just thought you would've gotten sick of your boy toy by now," Sirius mused as he passed the map over. James snatched the map from his grasp as his chest gave a painful thump.

"Boy toy?" James panicked. Was he really that obvious? His eyes darted over to Remus, whose eyes shot up to give James a knowing look. Remus subtly shrugged- he hadn't been the one to tell Sirius.

"Yeah, Mary's been trying to start some weird rumours about you. Don't worry though, no one's buying it," Sirius explained as he fell back down onto his mattress. James' stomach flipped uncomfortably as he imagined what Mary was spreading about him. Going off Sirius' reaction, it wasn't too serious. He was just glad Sirius didn't find out the truth through someone else instead of him. When the time was right, he'd tell Sirius what was really going on.

James had to figure out where he stood with Severus first.

Despite Sirius' reassurance, James had noticed how most of the seventh year Ravenclaw girls give him a dirty look whenever he passed them. It was probably nothing, James decided as he opened the map. Sure enough, Severus Snape was outside the Slytherin common room, and Filch and Mrs Norris were far away from the dungeons.

James donned the invisibility cloak and took off.

***

Severus leaned against the cool stones of the dungeon wall, waiting for James. He was under a disillusionment charm which kept him from being spotted by patrolling teachers. A silent tempus spell told Severus that it was 10pm exactly. Knowing his luck, he wouldn't be able to get back into the Slytherin quarters tonight.

"Severus," a hushed voice sounded from a few metres away. It was non-corporeal, seemingly coming from no where, but Severus knew better than that. It had to be James under a similar disillusionment charm. Severus took of his glamour just as James appeared out of thin air.

He carried an inked piece of parchment under his left arm, and held a shimmering fabric in his opposite hand. It was unlike anything Severus had ever seen, and it appeared to be the thing that was hiding James from sight.

"An invisibility cloak?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's a family heirloom," James explained as he sauntered over to the Slytherin. Severus tried to hide his awe, what kind of wealth did the Potters have to afford a genuine invisibility cloak?

James threw the cloak over the two of them and cast a nonverbal lumos so he could read the Marauder's Map. James scoured the map for Filch's name again. When he didn't spot it, he grabbed Severus by the wrist and steered them out of the dungeons.

"What is that?" Severus whispered incredulously.

"We call it the Marauder's map. It lets us see where everyone is in Hogwarts at any given moment," James replied, matching his hushed tone.

"There's no way it shows every single person-"

"Have a look. Who's that?" James points to a still figure near the Gryffindor tower.

"Is that-"

"Professor McGonagall? The one and the same," James confirmed. Severus tried to hide his awe for a second time that night.

"This is incredibly advanced stuff, I can't believe you pulled it off," Severus said, his eyes training over every inch of the map.

"You know what its best benefit is?" James asked. He suddenly halted in his tracks, Severus collided into his right shoulder. James pointed at a particular name with his wand.

'Argus Filch' was quickly approaching their current corridor. He rounded the corner as James cast a silent nox and pressed Severus back against the wall to keep Filch from walking straight into them.

Severus instinctively went to scold James for crowding him into the wall, but James' large hand flew up to cover his mouth before he could do so. The two stood still, waiting with bated breath for the caretaker to trudge away into another part of the castle. Once the light from his oil lamp disappeared, they sighed and continued their journey. Severus pointedly ignored James' physical approach to protecting them from being discovered, and his own carnal reaction.

It didn't take Severus too long to work out where they were heading. James had refused to tell him where they were going when he asked earlier in the day. All he had said was that he missed the Slytherin's company and that he was going to take them to a peaceful spot. It became obvious what that spot was when they reached a set of spiralling stairs.

"The Astronomy Tower?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, a few months ago you told me how relaxing it was to come up here and stare at the stars. There aren't any classes tonight because it's a Saturday, so I took the opportunity to drag you up here with me," James explained. Once they reached the top, James took off the invisibility cloak and folded it along with the map.

Severus made his way to the railing around the outside of the tower. There was a light breeze, Severus inhaled as he relished in the feeling of the cool air on his flushed skin; it had gotten quite warm underneath that cloak. He tip his head back to look directly at his zenith, and only looked back down when he felt James brush against his side.

"I never knew you were really into Astronomy until Remus told me how you two study together for the subject," James mused. He leaned forward on the railing, and Severus matched his movements. The two looked out across the Great Lake, the mirror image of the sky shimmered on the surface of the dark water.

"It's not Defence or Potions, but it has it's own charm. There's nothing quite like looking out at space and just taking it all in, you know?" Severus said. He felt James inhale deeply next to him, his side pressing even more up against him.

"I stopped taking Astronomy after the OWLs, obviously, but I think I could still spot more constellations than you," James teased. He knew he absolutely couldn't out-spot Severus, he just wanted to hear the Slytherin speak. He couldn't get enough of his soothing baritone now that it was back in his life.

"What kind of game is that?" Severus scoffed, although it did sound fun.

"The type of game that I beat you at," James shot back smugly. Severus was well aware that James was trying to rile him up, but it was working nonetheless.

The two spent the next half an hour avidly searching the sky. Severus quickly found the majority of visible constellations, and along the way he gave James some tidbit information about the stars that make up Orion's belt and Cassiopeia. James spotted Perseus and Draco, but Severus had beaten him to the rest.

Severus crowned himself the winner, and James asked him to tell him more about the stars. He listened as Severus spoke about his favourite star; Vega; and his least favourite star; Proxima Centauri, among a myriad of other, lighthearted space topics. While Severus mused at the sky, James caught himself wondering how someone could have a least favourite star.

Severus found himself running out of things to teach James about, but James seemed content just listening.

"So what's the real reason you brought me up here tonight? I know it wasn't just to listen to be ramble about stars for hours on end," Severus asked.

"I feel like I haven't seen you around a lot in the past week. We're always either too busy or with other people, it's nice for the two of us to hang out together, you know?" James said, feeling a rare moment of insecurity as he spoke. After what happened in the library, everything had a new context. He didn't want Severus to overanalyse it and run away from him in disgust.

"Also I have some news I wanted to tell you," James quickly averted the subject. Severus' stomach flipped uneasily at the urgency in James' voice. "McGonagall offered me an apprenticeship."

"Really? That's great, James. I knew your extra Transfiguration study would pay off," Severus said, a soft smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"I didn't accept it though," James clarified.

"Because you want to go into Auror training?" Severus asked.

"Yeah, you know me too well," James laughed. Severus rolled his eyes.

"Please, anyone who's witnessed you open your mouth knows you want to become an Auror," Severus said.

"Shut up," James laughed again as he elbowed Severus's arm, causing him to chuckle along with him. The two fell silent as James continued, "I'm considering it though. I don't know what I want to do."

Severus pondered for a solution for a moment before settling on the only obvious choice.

"Wait until you get your NEWTs, then you can decide what you want to do depending on your grades," Severus suggested.

"I think that's probably the best thing I can do," James agreed. The two lapsed into a comfortable silence. Severus subconsciously inched closer to James, the wind was beginning to chill him and the Gryffindor was radiating more heat than a furnace.

"I never asked you, but how did Mary take the break up?" Severus questioned, breaking the silence. James barked out a bitter laugh before composing himself.

"Oh, not too well. I think she's been talking to her friends outside of Gryffindor and telling them that I'm a huge asshole, so there goes my chances of dating any Ravenclaw birds," he answered.

"Are you kidding me? A pun?" Severus drawled.

"You know me too well," James replied. Severus hung his head as he groaned.

"Not that I want to do that anyways," James said under his breath. Severus tensed up and swallowed as he processed James' near-silent confession. He didn't say anything, and the silence stretched out a moment too long. James cleared his throat as he mustered up enough gall to bring up the elephant in the room.

"So, ah- how are you? You know, since-," James stumbled over his words. He bit his lip to silence himself, the last thing he needed to do right now was make things more awkward. It was inevitable that this topic was going to surface tonight.

"Oh! Yeah, I'm fine. I'm great!" Severus replied hastily. His stomach flipped and he clenched his jaw, adrenaline began to course through his system. There was no mistaking what James was referring to.

"Things are really great the way they are at the moment, and I don't want to do anything to mess it up," Severus continued slowly. He kept his head steady, eyes fixed out at a star low on the horizon.

Severus refused to look at James. He needed to get this off his chest and it would be impossible to do so if that penetrating gaze was fixated on him. He'd only recognised his new feelings for what they were about a week ago; an infatuation. He never considered the possibility that he could be attracted to men, but it seems like James might be the exception.

Or maybe, he was the rule.

It was still too soon for Severus to tell.

He never relied on his feelings to guide his decisions, but his brain malfunctioned anytime he found himself within James' vicinity. All Severus' logic failed him more often than not when it came to the topic of the handsome Gryffindor boy. He had no other choice.

"But sometimes, a thing just feels so right, you know?" Severus finished. James didn't say anything. They both just kept looking straight out across the Great Lake. Both James and Severus hadn't moved from their positions atop the tower- leaning forward on the metal railing with their hands dangling over the edge.

Severus' left hand fell to his side as he shifted his posture, grazing James' arm as it fell. James slowly copied Severus' movements, dropping his right hand so his knuckles grazed the back of Severus' hand as they fell. James slowly intertwined his pinkie finger with Severus', sending a tingling sensation throughout the Slytherin's hand.

Severus didn't dare to look at James, he steeled himself and kept looking forward. He could feel James' eyes on him, looking at him out of the corner of his eye. His cheeks began to burn. Severus could feel James moving again, he shifted his hand until their palms pressed together. They interlaced their fingers tightly, and Severus relished in the warmth the other was emitting. His hands were usually cold, but together they made a perfect, personal equilibrium.

Neither spoke, they just stood in the cool night air with their hands clasped together. James bit his lip as he gave Severus' hand a small squeeze. He started to trace small circles on the back of Severus's hand with his thumb, sending rippling waves of pleasure up Severus' spine.

They could have stayed like that for hours. Severus had gradually leaned into James' touch, and the Gryffindor offered his shoulder as a place for Severus to rest his head. James didn't protest as he began to support more and more of Severus' weight.

They were only interrupted by a shrill hiss followed by a loud meow that jolted them from their relaxed state. They whipped around to discover the glowing, amber eyes of Mrs Norris. She was perched on the top step, looking quite proud as she waited for Filch to reach her and catch the two students out after dark.

James hastily dropped Severus' hand, shook out the invisibility cloak and threw it over the top of them. No sooner had they disappeared from sight did Filch reach the top of the stairs. He held his oil lamp up to eye level and swivelled around to look for the offenders.

"Nothing here sweets, let's go," he grumbled. He slunk back down the stairs and whistled for the cat to follow him. Mrs Norris eyed the spot where the pair disappeared before following her owner.

James didn't bother taking off the invisibility cloak. Instead, he reopened the map and watched it until the patrolling duo were out of the tower.

"It's getting late, we should probably head back," James whispered, his lips only an inch away from Severus' ear. Severus hummed an affirmative and they descended the staircase.

The two made their way silently through the castle. James accompanied Severus down to the dungeons; he refused to let him try to get back to his common room with only a simple disillusionment charm. They didn't speak until they reached the entrance to the Slytherin common room, and even then they only bid each other a quick good night before parting.

Although Severus didn't want to leave James' side, he couldn't wait until he was in the privacy of his dorm to unpack this evening.