I'm Not Finished, 'cause You're Not By My Side

Life went on and Severus and James never addressed that night in the astronomy tower. Severus began to notice how James went out of his way to be close to him, to touch him unnecessarily. A hand grazing his own, fingers finding their way to his hair to brush a strand behind his ear, or a simple hand resting on his shoulder or even the small of his back. Each touch left a burning sensation, searing through Severus' clothes straight to his skin.

Wednesday morning found them walking together to the dungeons for Potions. Remus and Lily lead the way, swapping notes from the previous class, while Sirius trailed behind them, talking to Alice.

As they entered the classroom, Severus noticed an open, broiling cauldron at Slughorn's station. Next, a wave of strong smells assaulted his nose, stopping him in his tracks just inside the doorway. It was pleasant, calming, and made Severus feel warm inside. The rest of the students seemed equally entranced, eyes fixated on the cauldron and not really focusing on where they were walking.

Sirius walked straight into Severus' back, not watching where he was walking either. He didn't apologise, just screwed up his nose in confusion and swivelled to face Remus.

"Moony, I think you overdid it on the cologne today, we're going to have to fumigate the dungeons at this rate," Sirius loudly teased his friend. He grinned and tossed his wavy, black hair as he waited for his friend to take the bait. Retaliation never came, instead Remus furrowed his brow and cocked his head.

"But I'm not wearing cologne today," he replied. Sirius' face fell as he whipped his head around to face the cauldron.

Slughorn finished his sentence on the chalkboard at the opposite end of the room. He placed the piece of chalk on his desk and gave the class a smile that could easily be mistaken as a grimace.

"Hello class. You're probably wondering what that lovely smell is, and I'm about to answer that. Today we're going to be doing a case study on amortentia, one of the most powerful love potions in existence," Slughorn's weary voice echoed across the chamber.

"The smell it produces is unique and based on the individual smelling the potion. In other words, the potion smells different to everybody, and it's based on what you're most attracted to," Slughorn continued.

Severus watched as Sirius bowed his head to hide his face as it went the brightest colour of red he'd ever seen. He had never seen the Gryffindor boy look so ashamed and embarrassed in his life. Remus' face glowed a similar colour, his gaze skipped straight over Sirius and landed on Severus instead. Remus' eyes bored into his, Severus noted his panicked look. Remus' panicked look reminded Severus of the look he had in the library after Severus told him that Sirius was in love with him.

Of course, amortentia. Severus was disappointed that he didn't identify it immediately. He was too busy focusing on the overwhelming scents of pine needles, petrichor, and James' lavender shampoo. It was the same one Severus used over the Christmas break, and he had grown to love it.

"Maybe a comparison is the best way to demonstrate how varied the effects of this potion can be without even drinking it. I think our head boy and girl are up for it," Slughorn nodded towards Lily and James, prompting them to describe what they could smell.

"For me, the potion smells like rosemary, green tea, and," Lily frowns, like she doesn't understand what she's smelling, "dandelions. They grow in a field near my house." She added the last part as an afterthought.

"Very good, 1 point to Gryffindor, and for our head boy?" Slughorn prompted again. James paused before answering.

"Burning wood, coconut, and..." James clenched his jaw and cleared his throat as he averted his gaze from the cauldron. "Seawater."

He lied about the last one. Severus had been around him long enough to recognise when he was blatantly lying. Slughorn replaced the lid on the cauldron and continued with the lesson.

*

"Severus! Stay back, my boy," Slughorn said once the class ended. He suppressed a groan, and gestured to James that he'd meet with him later. The rest of the class filtered out. Severus gathered his books and walked to the front of the classroom.

"What is it, sir?" He asked.

"I wanted to inform you about our latest Slug Club party. I sent you an invitation by letter, but it seems to have gotten lost. You didn't respond, you see," Slughorn explained as he closed a textbook on his desk. Severus pursed his lips, he intentionally didn't respond to said letter.

He'd gone to some of Slughorn's parties and dinners in the past, but they weren't his kind of thing. Severus never knew what to do in formal settings, and he always felt like the odd one out. Looks like he didn't have a choice about avoiding the club this time.

"Well thank you for the invite, sir. When is it?" Severus asked.

"It's next Friday night. It's a dinner party, so any formal dress will do." Severus nodded and stepped back, eager to escape to his friends.

"Oh and Severus?" Slughorn called out after him. Severus halted in his tracks.

"Yes, sir?"

"This is going to be a big one, so bring another guest if you want. Maybe James Potter. That boy's going places, it'll be a good networking opportunity," Slughorn added the last part under his breath. Severus pretended he didn't hear it.

It was no secret that Slughorn hosted these events for his own gain. He invited only the best and the brightest in the senior school, looking to network with future leaders, politicians, and scholars. It's no surprise Slughorn wants him to bring James, he's a brilliant quidditch player and he's been offered an apprenticeship in transfiguration. Not many people can say that at such a young age.

Once Severus asked James, the next thing he needed to worry about was finding something to wear. In the past, he'd worn hand-me-downs and dress robes with fraying edges or holes in the sleeves. However this time he could plan a trip into Hogsmeade to get something a little more presentable, albeit still cheap.

*

"The green brings out your eyes. Have I ever told you that green does that?" James complimented, dragging his eyes up and down over Severus' form. They stood outside the Great Hall at 6:30pm on the night of the dinner, Severus arranged it as an easy meeting place so they could arrive together. The two set off towards the dinner, James placed his hand on the small of Severus' back, gently guiding the way.

Severus donned new, black dress robes completed with green and silver embellishments. James insisted on buying him the new robes, and he bought himself the same set, although his was complete with red and gold details.

"Gryffindor pride," he had simply stated when Severus questioned him about the decision. "Besides, if I'm your date, we should at least be wearing matching outfits."

"You're not my date," Severus had flushed and quietly thanked James for the robes, forcing him to drop the subject. He wasn't ready to address whatever was developing between them, and this dinner situation didn't make anything easier.

Severus had begged Lily to attend Slughorn's dinner with him. She was a regular attendee, but like Severus, she had begun to wean herself away from Slughorn's elitist club.

Severus needed her to show up, he hardly knew any of the other members, and he certainly wasn't ready to deal with James dressed up like a high fashion model. He needed her to be his rock tonight, more than ever.

She promised him that she would be there, so Severus was hurt and disappointed when she wasn't already seated when they arrived. Severus and James were already late, and neither had seen Lily since noon.

A small room in the long gallery next to the middle courtyard hosted the dinner. Green and silver adornments hung around the room, a blazing red fire lit up the dark crevices, and a thick, green curtain blocked out the rays from the setting sun.

"Severus! And you brought our head boy, excellent decision," Slughorn smiled, chuffed at the sight of the two students. Severus felt all of the guests' eyes on them, making him more self aware than ever. He wasn't used to being scrutinised by a group of close to forty people, and standing next to James didn't make him look any better by comparison. James, however, looked unbothered and used to the attention.

James' hand fell away from Severus' back as they neared the table. It was long and rectangular, designed for seating more guests than the usual circle table. A green and silver table cloth spread along the dark mahogany, and porcelain plates lined the edges. There were two seats saved near the end, in between Hufflepuff's Dustin McGraven and Slytherin's Beatrice Buchman.

James pulled out Severus' chair for him, a small gesture that he didn't miss. As Severus sank into his seat, he eyed two empty seats opposite them. They were saved for Lily and her guest. Lily told him that she was going to invite Marlene McKinnon. So much for that.

"Are you ok?" James whispered, lips almost brushing the shell of his ear. He reached out to brush a strand of black hair behind his ear, leaving a tingling sensation in his wake.

"I- I'll be fine," Severus shot back. He clenched his jaw and sat up straighter. He was not going to survive the night if James kept insisting on touching him.

Subconsciously, he knew that no one was looking at them anymore, but Severus felt as though dozens of pairs of eyes were searing into his skin.

"I thought you said Lily was going to be here too," James asked. He unbuttoned his overcoat and draped it over the back of his chair, leaving him in a black waistcoat over his long sleeved button up. Severus tried to keep his eyes away from the line of his waist, how broad his shoulders seemed by comparison-

"She was supposed to be here, she promised. I feel awkward at these dinners, they put me on edge and she helps me through them," Severus whispered back. He didn't explain the entire situation to James, he didn't want to provoke him over something so small. He was sure she had a good reason for skipping Slughorn's party. None of the others seated at the table paid attention to their hushed whispers, they were too busy conversing between themselves.

James frowned, and Severus' stomach flipped at the sight. James' hand clenched into a fist where it rested on the table, before relaxing and falling to his side. Severus hoped he didn't take it the wrong way, he was still glad James was there with him.

"So she bailed on you? Even though she knew how much you relied on her to be here?" James asked, clenching his jaw.

"It's fine, I guess. I have you here instead. I'm lucky that I have a friend like you, I don't say that often enough," Severus gave James a soft smile before turning away to eye the plates of food that suddenly appeared.

Severus watched out of the corner of his eye as an array of emotions crossed James' face. James clenched his jaw and picked up his fork, entirely ignoring Severus' moment of genuine appreciation for their friendship. He convinced himself that it didn't sting.

Meanwhile, James' stomach dropped. He still wasn't used to Severus being sentimental. In seven years, he almost always saw Severus as aloof, especially towards himself. In the past several months, he still hadn't gotten used to his hidden compassionate side towards those he truly cared about. In the past three weeks he'd been harder to read than ever.

At least he didn't need to address the night in the Astronomy tower now, Severus was quite clear with that statement. They were just friends. And that's all they would be.

*

By the end of the night, Slughorn had inducted James into the Slug Club as an ordinary member rather than a special guest. As the guests began to rise from the table and dissipate into the night, Severus found himself in Regulus Black's company. From the snippets of conversation James could eavesdrop on, Regulus was asking about Sirius.

"I tried to talk to him at the start of the year, but he avoided me. I don't care that he ran away, or that he had a falling out with mum, he's still my brother," Regulus said in a defeated voice. He must be desperate to go to Severus for answers, him and Sirius still weren't all that close.

James darted out from the room, donning his overcoat as the cool, night air pierced his clothing and chilled his skin. White fog rose from his lips when he exhaled. He tucked his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall. He waited for Severus, escorting him back down to the Slytherin quarters was the least he could do.

After a few minutes, Regulus exited the room. As he closed the door behind him, he looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with James. He averted his gaze to the floor and scurried away, shoulders drawn up near his ears. James sighed, he was half glad Regulus didn't try to talk to him; Sirius asked him to stay away from his younger brother.

As James followed his retreating figure with his eyes, a different person came into his line of sight from across the middle courtyard.

Lily, sitting under an archway with Marlene and Dorcas, looking as if she'd forgotten about the dinner entirely. James had to say something- he knew Severus wouldn't. He stormed over to the three girls, eyes set on Lily.

"It was nice of you to show up," James said, arms crossed over his chest. Lily whipped around to face him, she hadn't noticed his rapid approach. She furrowed her brow, racking her thoughts as to what he could be talking about, but suddenly her smile fell off her face. She swung her legs over the cobblestone bricks and pulled James away from her friends. Lily spared a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure they were out of earshot.

"I completely forgot about the slug club, I could've sworn he said he wasn't going," Lily frowned.

"Come on, Lils, you knew that he needed you there tonight. He said that you promised you'd be there for him, and just happened to forget? Is there something else I should know?" James asked, frowning down at the Head Girl.

"Well he had you there instead, isn't that good enough?" Lily shot back, cheeks flushing as James verbally berated her.

"That's besides the point-," James started, a little confused by her sudden jealousy.

"What's going on?" Severus asked. His sudden appearance made James jump and step back to face the Slytherin.

"Sev, I'm so sorry I forgot about the dinner. I didn't mean to forget, I swear," Lily said urgently.

"It's fine Lils, don't worry about it, I'll just drag you along to the next one," Severus replied.

"Wait, seriously? You're not going to do anything about it, even though she stood you up?" James asked. He just watched Severus badly suppress his nervous energy for the past hour and a half, he wasn't going to let this go as meekly as Severus did. James tried to suffocate his envy towards Lily, but it wasn't working.

"James it's not a big deal, stop being an arse about it," Severus shot back. James flinched back, it had been a while since Severus had attacked him and meant it.

"It's the principle of the matter, Severus, I'm not being an arse about it-," James reached out to rest his hand on Severus' upper arm. Severus pulled his arm back and glared up at the Gryffindor boy.

James felt his face burn red, Severus had never shied away from contact before. From Lily's reaction, a furrowed brow and slightly agape mouth, this was beginning to look more and more like a lover's quarrel to her.

"I don't think I need to be here for this, I'll see you two around," Lily said as she began to back away, "once you two sort whatever this is out," she added under her breath. She ignored James attacking her character, he was obviously acting out of jealousy and she had an inkling that he'd apologise to her in the morning anyways.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed as he watched Lily's retreating form. He rounded on James, who took a cautious step backwards.

"Why'd you have to attack her like that? I don't need you turning her against me, I'm perfectly capable of doing that myself," Severus said bitterly.

"Sev, you know I didn't mean it like that. It's just- you always put Lily on a pedestal, and I know you're walking on eggshells around her because you don't want your friendship to break again, but this?" James paused to gesture to the archway that Lily left through. "This is you setting yourself up to be walked over by everyone. We know Lily wouldn't do that, but what about everyone else Sev-"

"So clearly this is bigger than just Lily now, is there something you want to say to me?" Severus stepped forward, invading James' space, trying to make him uncomfortable. The red flush near his hairline and on the tips of his ears gave James' true feelings away.

"After everything you still put her above everything else, you still put her before me!" James snapped.

He winced in the following silence.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Severus snarled.

"I don't know, I just-"

"Of course you don't know. Figure your shit out, then come talk to me," Severus said with a note of finality. He turned on his heel then stalked away from James, out of sight with his chin held high.

James took his time walking back to the Gryffindor tower, the freezing air felt like a punishment.