Breaking Off Wasn’t Hard To Do (But I Could Not Stay Away From You)

Severus avoided James at first. While he couldn't stop himself from stealing glances in the direction of the handsome Gryffindor boy, he was still furious at the way he spoke to Lily. Curiously enough, every time Severus looked over to James, he found that his unflinching gaze was already fixated on him.

What baffled Severus was how quickly James and Lily started talking again. It was as if James had never yelled at Lily in the first place. He saw them together in the Great Hall, in classes, and around the courtyard. Severus thought back to how Lily confessed she'd lost her feelings for James, but a strange twinge in his stomach tried to convince him that she was lying.

But Lily would never lie to him, that means something else had to be wrong. For a rare instance, Severus was at a loss.

In his newfound spare time, Severus began to study his patronus again. It had stayed in its new form, the doe, for over half a year and he was no closer to finding out why it changed in the first place. He scoured every book he could get his hands on for an insight into changing patronus forms, but he came up blank every time.

By the end of the third day, when Severus was about to leave the library for the night, James approached him. Severus watched as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and eyed the open book on dementor defences.

"Dementors? Expecting a visitor from Azkaban anytime soon?" James asked.

Severus didn't humour him. "What is it?"

"Let's talk, unless you desperately need that knowledge on dementors," James said.

Severus bit his lip and eyed the open book. He was about to finish anyways, plus he knew he couldn't avoid James any longer.

"Sit," Severus said, gesturing to the chair next to him. He closed the book and placed it back on the shelf behind the table. James hastily sank into the chair, not taking his eyes off the other.

"I spoke to Lily-"

"So I saw," Severus cut him off.

"Sev, please," James sighed, "I spoke to her and apologised. We talked everything out and found the real reason I lashed out at her."

"So you two-"

"Are still friends? Yeah, Lils said I had to try harder than that to annoy her," James chuckled. Severus furrowed his brow. The silence seemed to ferment, but Severus didn't know what to say. Instead, James rushed to fill the space.

"What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry," James said. Severus softened. James seemed sincere, and Severus wasn't really interested in dragging this out longer than it needs to be, especially if Lily harboured no hatred towards either of them for the way Friday night panned out.

"Ok, it's fine," Severus replied. He was more interested in what James meant earlier when he said he had found the 'real reason he lashed out at her'.

"No, it's not fine." James ran a hand through his hair. "I was just stirring shit up because-"

He paused and held his eyes shut as if he was scared of something. Severus almost teased him about how un-Gryffindor he looked, but a little voice in the back of his mind warned him that this was serious.

"Because?" Severus prompted.

James' eyes fluttered open again, wide and determined behind the lens of his glasses. "Because I was jealous."

Severus' fingers curled tightly into his robes, desperate to ground himself in any way.

"Why?"

James gave Severus a knowing look, lips pressed together in a thin line.

"You know why." Those three words finally confirmed the source behind James' strange behaviour for the past month.

Severus exhaled. Whatever he expected James to confess to, it wasn't that. He didn't know what to do. There was only one person who could help him make sense of this.

"You knew!" Severus all but yelled to his fiery-haired friend.

"I knew?" Lily hesitantly agreed as the Slytherin stalked up to her.

After James awkwardly excused himself, Severus fled the library in search of Lily. He had an uncanny feeling that she knew more than she let on, that she had known James' true feelings this entire time.

"You knew James' true feelings towards me!" Severus restated. Lily smirked up at him.

"So he finally told you," Lily mused as he continued along her path away from the Great Hall.

Severus blinked as his step faltered. "Seriously? You would keep this from me?"

"If this is how you would have reacted, I think I made a wise choice." Severus frowned, Lily had a valid point.

"Is that the real reason you lost your feelings for him?" Severus asked. Lily sighed, averting her gaze to the ground.

"Yeah, once he worked out that he was gay, it didn't really make sense to continue after him. I gave up," Lily explained.

Severus paused, mulling over her words. "When did he tell you about all this?"

Lily halted and turned to face Severus. "Promise you won't get mad at me?"

"Of course," Severus said.

"I spoke to him about you and Mary. I helped him see that you were being truthful, and I pieced the rest together based on how he was talking about you," Lily explained.

"I told you to let me sort out that problem with Mary on my own."

"But without me, you two probably still wouldn't be talking," Lily countered. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose and hung his head. She was right, as per usual.

They walked in silence, Severus buried his hands in his pockets to keep himself from fidgeting. He kept glancing at Lily, anticipating her explanation of what James had said about him that betrayed his feelings to her, but it never came.

"How was he talking about me?" Severus pried.

"A better question is what are you going to do now?" Lily shot back, knocking Severus into silence.

"I don't know."

As Severus contemplated his options on how to proceed with James, he and Lily rounded the corner and almost knocked Professor Slughorn off his feet. Before either Severus or Lily could attempt to apologise, Slughorn clapped a hand down on the Slytherin's back.

"Severus! M'boy, I was looking for you. We didn't have a chance to talk on Friday night, and there's something I should discuss with you," he said. He fixed his beady eyes on Lily. "Hello Miss Evans, I'm afraid I'll have to steal young Severus away from you for a while. Don't worry, I'll return him to you in one piece."

Slughorn let out a pained chuckle before leading Severus away. They made a beeline for Slughorn's office. Once they reached their destination, Slughorn retrieved some papers from a drawer in his desk.

"It's about your future, and you clear aptitude for Potions. With work and grades like this, you are on the path to becoming the youngest Potions Master in history. That is, if you wanted to train under me," Slughorn explained. Severus blanched.

"Youngest Potions Master?"

"It's no secret that I'm getting old, m'boy. I've been in this job since well before you were born, and the Headmaster has been pushing me to find someone adept enough to take over one day," Slughorn continued.

Severus sat in stunned silence. He'd never considered teaching at Hogwarts before, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to at all. He was terrible around children, and they were often scared of him despite him being only a teenager.

"I recall you saying during our career counselling session last year that you haven't made any solid plans for life after graduation?" Slughorn questioned, Severus only nodded in response.

"Think of this as a fall back option then. If you haven't decided what you want to do once you have the results from your NEWTs, then you're more than welcome to contact me about some training," Slughorn concluded.

"Thanks for the offer, however I don't know if it's right for me, sir," Severus said.

"Nonsense, you already know all the content. Besides, I want the students to be in knowledgeable hands," Slughorn rebutted. "Have some time to think about it, m'boy."

Severus left shortly after, head torn between the two options. His heart, however, was still stuck on James Potter.

He tried his hardest to stay away from James while he was trying to sort out his mess of emotions. It wasn't always easy, James would always catch his gaze from across the Great Hall or from the other side of a classroom.

Whenever James approached him, he kept the conversations short and sharp. He found excuses to get away from him, whether it was "astronomy revision" or "tutoring Slytherin fifth years," it seemed to work. He knew he was being unfair to James, but he didn't want to do anything rash in the presence of the Gryffindor and make everything worse.

Severus found solace underneath the oak tree in the courtyard with his Advanced Potions Making book. He leaned against the firm wood, head bowed as he triple checked his notes. He was making some revisions to a particularly nasty brew near the back of the book when he heard an angry voice call his name.

"Snape!" Severus felt momentary relief that it wasn't one of the Gryffindor boys, but his stomach dropped when he realised he'd shared a room with that timbre his entire schooling career.

Severus looked up to meet the deep blue eyes of Avery, squinting with ferocity. He was accompanied by Mulciber, slightly inebriated despite it being a school day, and gripping his wand so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Severus drawled, snapping his book shut. Avery drew out his own wand and jammed it underneath Severus' chin, forcing his head up.

He twisted the wood, scoring marks into Severus' skin with the splintered end. Severus felt for his own wand in his robes, sure enough, it was there as a precaution.

"We know you've always been this foul, but this has gone on long enough!" Avery spat.

"What are you talking about?" Severus racked his brains, trying to think of anything he'd done recently to piss them off.

"Don't play daft, you slimy git. You've evaded us and everyone else in your house this entire year in favour of the mudblood and your blood traitor boyfriend," Avery snarled. Severus blanched, that string of words grated on his ears until they felt like they were bleeding. He looked around to see if anyone else was paying attention to their discord. A few people were glancing over and whispering behind raised hands.

"Do you have worms in your brain, Avery? Don't act like you've ever spared me a second thought outside of annoying me for homework answers. You've never cared who I associated with in the past, so why has that changed now?" Severus spat back. He grabbed Avery by his elbow and dug his thumb into the groove as he pushed him away. Avery hissed in discomfort, but kept his wand drawn.

"He is watching us, you've brought the house of Slytherin enough shame by being half mudblood, and we don't think he'd appreciate you running around with blood traitors as well. We just want to make sure you pick the right side when the time comes," Avery said. Severus furrowed his brow, he wasn't making any sense. Mulciber nodded along to what Avery was spurting, though his vacant expression told Severus he was more interested in picking a fight.

"You mean the side that kills people they deem 'unworthy'? I'd rather drop dead than join the side of a murderous psychopath with a superiority complex," Severus retaliated. He drew his wand from his pocket just in time to block a dark curse Avery sent his way. The fizzling sound of wayward hexes drew in a crowd of intrigued students, eager to watch the growing fight.

Severus dodged a curse, it flew straight passed his ear and collided into the tree behind him. Severus glanced back at the loud sound it made and caught the fearful eyes of Remus Lupin in the growing crowd. Remus suddenly stepped forward and drew his wand, blocking an oncoming curse that he'd been too distracted to block himself. Severus swivelled back around as Remus joined his side.

The shouting and murmuring in the crowd reaches its peak once Lupin disarmed both Avery and Mulciber, bringing their wands through the air to fall at his feet. Severus opens his mouth to berate his Slytherin housemates before he's cut off by a disturbed gasp.

"Can someone tell me what's going on here?" Lily asked. James followed suit, fixing Avery and Mulciber with an uncharacteristically cold stare. Even though the icy look wasn't directed at him, Severus felt a chill race down his spine. The crowd dispersed, leaving the six by themselves.

"What's it to you, mudblood?" Mulciber sneered. Lily's face fell, and a pang of anger punched Severus in the stomach.

"Don't use that word!" Severus raised his wand again, but Remus pulled his arm back down. Severus spare a glance at Lily, her mouth quirked up in a grateful smile.

"We're taking this to Dumbledore, so I think you two better get your story straight on why you tried to attack Severus," James warned.

Avery grimaced, red-faced with rage, and yelled, "You coward! Hiding behind your blood traitor friends as usual."

Severus tried to defend himself before James spoke over him. "I wouldn't push my luck, Avery. There's four of us and only two of you." James squared his shoulders, drawing his own wand in the process. Avery eyed the wand before he turned and shoved Mulciber back by his shoulder. They slinked off, and Severus watched as James visibly relaxed.

"Are you alright? I was trying to find you to return this book and I saw it all unfold, it was pretty rough," Lupin shot him a concerned look. He handed over a potions book from Severus' personal collection that he lent to Remus a week ago.

"Yeah, but I could've handled it myself," Severus replied in a teasing manner. He's glad Remus was there to help him, but teasing Remus help alleviate the tension that was still coursing through his system.

"I know, I couldn't let you have all the glory," Remus said. The two chuckled before Remus turned his attention to Lily. She was about to depart to Dumbledore's office to inform him of the incident, Remus agreed to accompany her.

As the two retreated from the courtyard, James walked over to Severus, still reeling from the attack.

"Are you ok?" James asked. Severus couldn't bare to meet James' eyes; he kept his gaze averted to the ground. He wasn't in the mood to be pitied.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Those bastards are lucky I wasn't there from the beginning-"

"I said I'm fine," Severus snapped. He winced, realising how harsh his words sounded. "I'm sorry, I have a meeting with Slughorn, I have to go."

"But-," James tried to follow after Severus, but he refused to look back.

James was at a loss. After the incident in the courtyard, Severus went back to avoiding him. That was the most he'd spoken to him in a number of days beforehand. The following night, James decided that enough was enough. He was tired of trying to chase after Severus during the day, he needed to seek him out at night so he couldn't use any excuses not to speak to him.

In the Gryffindor boys' dorm room, James pulled the Marauder's Map from Sirius' bedside drawers. He scoured the map and located his Slytherin friend at the top of the Astronomy tower.

James donned his invisibility cloak and snuck past his friends in the common room. As he wove through the corridors of the castle, he realised he hadn't planned anything to say to Severus. All he wanted was for things to go back to normal, before he told him how he truly felt.

James crept past Filch, holding an oil lamp and standing perfectly still at the base of the tower. He tried to pace himself as he ascended the winding staircase, he didn't want to suddenly burst into the top of the tower and startle Severus.

He finally reached the top. James pulled off his invisibility cloak and hung it on the railing at the top of the staircase. Severus was leaning against the stone wall on the other side of the room, head bowed and lost in a book. How he could see in this light was beyond James.

"Strange time to be doing homework," James said softly, trying not to startle him. It didn't work; Severus jumped, almost dropping his book in the process. James took a cautious step around the side of the metal contraption in the centre of the room.

"Not that I'm surprised, Astronomy?" James asked. When Severus didn't respond, James continued.

"I swear I'm not a stalker, I just had to talk to you," he explained, raised his hands in defence.

"How did you find me here?" Severus asked, wasting no time with James' small talk. James' stomach twisted, was he really trying this hard to avoid him?

"Do you even have to ask?" James replied with a shrug. Severus exhaled and briefly looked over his shoulder to the night sky behind him. His homework would have to wait for now.

"Right, the Marauder's Map," Severus said. He closed his book and placed it with his other belongings as they lapsed into a painful silence. James cleared his throat and took another step around the floating metal device to face Severus.

"First of all, it sucks that you're avoiding me," James said bluntly. Severus stood motionless, his dark eyes traced on James' face with an element of intensity.

"I put myself out there," James ticked off what he was saying on his fingertips, "and I was honest with you…and for that I get the silent treatment?" His words hung heavily in the air as he slowly moved closer to Severus. They were only a metre apart.

"Even if you don't feel the same way, you can at least be there for me as a friend," James said. His eyes stung with tears as anger bubbled beneath the surface. Anger at Severus for ignoring him for nearly a week without saying why, and anger at himself for causing this mess in the first place.

"You're making me feel crazy!" James tried to contain his aggression, but with Severus standing in front of him not reacting to anything he was saying, it felt like a losing battle. As angry as he was, he couldn't help but admire how Severus' skin seemed to glow in the moonlight, making him look more ethereal than ever.

He didn't know what to say to make Severus react, he just wanted him to say something, anything, instead of staying silent as James poured his heart out. James monitored Severus' stoic expression; when it remained unchanged, he continued.

"Honestly, if I knew that you were going to be all weird and that this was going to jeopardise our friendship, I never in a million years would have told you how I felt." James drew in a shaky breath, raising a hand to his chest.

"Because it is becoming incredibly clear that you don't feel the same way-"

A pale, elegant hand grasped his red and gold tie and pulled him forward, closing the gap between them with a searing kiss. James froze for half a second, shocked as he tried to remember every sensation in case this was the only time this would happen. Severus pulled away, but kept close as he scanned James' face for any sign of emotion.

James merely grinned and pulled Severus in by his waist to reconnect their lips. The feeling of Severus' mouth on his made James' heart race like he was thousands of feet in the air. Severus brought a calloused palm to James' jawline, cradling his face and leaving a burning sensation along his skin. He dug his fingertips into Severus' waist as he threaded his fingers into James' hair, deepening the kiss.

James quietly moaned at the sensation of Severus' fingers tightening in his hair. With a flick of his tongue, James turned the passionate kiss hot and heavy, they moved with desperation and lust. James moved forward, guiding Severus backwards until his back collided with the stone wall. James drove his thigh between Severus' legs, pinning him to the wall with his hands on his hips. The motion drew a low moan from Severus' throat, reverberating through James and making him grip his hips tighter.

They broke apart to breathe and rested their foreheads together, James didn't immediately release Severus. James pulled back a bit so he could properly look at Severus' flushed cheeks and red lips.

"So?" James asked. They stood in each others arms, catching their breath.

"I don't know," Severus replied after a moment, eyes tracing James' lips once more. James smiled, causing Severus to smile along with him. Soon after that they were laughing together as James enveloped Severus' hands in his own.

Now that James knew what true bliss felt like, he never wanted to be without it.