Suffocation
Shrill scream
Thud
Thud and again!
God this movie was a mess, the ghosts were killing left, right and center. But scarier than the ghosts were the expressions and screams. A total mess. You know what else is a mess? My sorry self.
Oh yea we came to watch a movie, a horror one. 'I' was supposed be the ONE getting the opportunity of clinging on to Haruto, cliche I know - but you gotta take what you get. BUT luck is a lady after all and she has her mood swings at the worst possible time. So even though I'm sitting right beside Haru, our friends all sitting on the seats beside mine. On Haru's other side, was Kuri Miura - and her friends. The beautiful cheerleader, who even looks pretty in fear. And I'm stuck sitting here grabbing the armrest while Kuri-kun clings on to Haruto.
I can't even concentrate on the movie anymore. Good thing right? I won't be scared shitless now!
Who am I kidding? I'd rather watch horror flicks than watch this visual torture. I can't help but see again...they seem to suit eachother.
Haruto is tall. In our last year of high-school he hit another growth spurt and went up to 186 cm where I was still stuck at an embarrassing 165 cm. His brunette hair was almost black, a beautiful soft texture ( I'd know, when he slept for night overs, I'd sneakily touch his hair). He's an athlete from back in school so you can imagine his physique. Not ripped or anything, we're still teenagers but a washboard one nonetheless.
And of course his smile! The ever charming grin and friendly persona, who would be not attracted?
Beside him, Kuri-kun looked like she belonged. Beautiful as she was, jet black hair covering her smooth face (unlike mine - freckles and all), she was the genuine type - friendly, warm and smart.
Then there's me...sigh..just watching them together it felt like some kind of lock has been set in my heart. It was constricting so much and suddenly I felt at a loss of breath...fuck, is this how heartache feels like? I...can't...
With a grim smile I rubbed my hand over my eyes and slowly got up, I have to get out.
I don't know if I was surprised or relieved when a hand grabbed onto me. Though - looking back, a bit of my heart felt like breaking again. What was I expecting? To Haruto to catch my hand when he was so immersed in the one beside him? No I don't have a right to say this.
"Isami-kun, are you alright?" with worried eyes Yuki looked at me. In his blue eyes I could feel like an ocean was drowning me, a ocean full of understanding. Huh, how obvious and pathetic can I be?
"Yep, just need the the washroom. Horror flicks make me a chick, hehe." I said trying to reassure him.
"Alright" Yuki said and let my hand go, though I could see he wanted to say something.
I got my self out, not noticing another pair of eyes looking after me.
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Splash!
'Hah, cold water always does the trick' I thought to myself washing my face, pretending I was just freshening myself up than hide my sore eyes..
'I don't want to go back...but what should I say? They will catch something's wrong. I... how much awkward am I gonna make the situation? I've held on for so long, it's not like it's the first time that Haruto's got a... girlfriend. Did I feel like this back then too? '
Thinking to myself I slowly moved out of the washroom and made my way out the gate..I need some air. Hah, it's raining again.
I have to get my act together. All this time I've hid my feelings. Then why now? Why can't I..take this anymore. Why do I always feel like screaming and cursing him and at the same time be embraced in his warm arms? Why do I want him..all to myself? Even though I know it's impossible.
'God, when did I get so greedy? When was it that 'just being his best friend' became not enough anymore? But is there anything for me to do though? I'm too much of a coward to express my feelings to him. Having him beside me like this, all the time - yet ignorant to my feelings, hurts like hell yes. But can I bear him NOT being here at all though?'
"No, I can't live without him " I said to myself, with a grim smile. I need to bear with this, I can! I've come so far. His friendship is more than anything to me. So even if that's the only way to stay beside him....I'll do that. I'll have to live, with this... suffocation.