Chapter 9.8

Later that day, Luke tracked me down and asked to talk to me in private. I wasn't really doing anything anyway, but we met in one of the empty classrooms.

"How are you getting on with the other children?"

"Alright…"

"That's good… I need more details of the orphanage you were at. Can you remember anything at all?" Why? Were they going to send me back there? I wasn't sure how to feel about that. But maybe that meant I wasn't a prisoner like I thought.

"There was just one building, with three big dormitories. There was a boys, one and girls one, and a mixed one that I was in… There were lots of trees, but we weren't really allowed to go outside… they weren't trees like near here, they were darker and had leaves all year round. The front door was blue, but it was old, and the paint was peeling off." I remembered that door because it was the last thing I saw before getting bundled into the back of the truck. "They took five of us."

"Five? It wasn���t just you? What happened to the others?" he seemed surprised.

"They took them somewhere else, but they decided they didn't want me, so they gave me to a squad."

"Do you know where they took them?" I thought back to the boy under the ghost bees, and the girl with the broken bird, I was sure they were related but I didn't know how to make sense of it. Did they want the Shadow creatures?

I hesitated before saying I didn't know, then asked, "Am I going back to the orphanage?"

"No… I'm trying to find out who you are, and then I can find out if you have any relatives."

"You're wasting your time. If he had relatives willing to take him then he wouldn't be in an orphanage to begin with." A head peered through the doorway.

"Harry! I didn't see you come in." It was the same man I met in the canteen earlier that day.

"I don't really understand why you're doing this. Aren't I a prisoner?" I finally spoke my mind, with a mixture of fear and apprehension.

"It's true that we can't just let you leave, but you're not a prisoner."

They must know that I've killed people. Maybe even people they knew. Why are they okay with that? "I don't understand. I killed people."

"You're under the age of criminal responsibility."

"Those people I killed are still dead, my age doesn't change that." I felt my voice rising. Why was I getting angry?

"We acknowledge that you did that to survive. You won't be held accountable."

I don't know why, but it was making me angry- he was making excuses for what I did when there was none to be made. Lives ended because of me; I chose to kill them so I would survive, it was a decision I made.

"I don't deserve compassion!" I yelled.

"Do you want to be punished?" Harry asked, almost expressionless.

Did I? I wasn't sure. I was confused and angry, and I didn't know what I wanted. Especially what to do with the life he wanted to give me. I watched the other children, chatting and smiling without a care in the world and I couldn't imagine myself doing the same, nor can I ever remember doing so. I didn't have the right to be happy like them, the things I've done, surely that's beyond redemption? I was almost better living in hardship with Dark Moon Squad. Or alone. There, I wasn't allowed to have these feelings, it was a matter of survival and that was all.

"I don't know…" I mutter in a small voice.

"You were a victim of circumstance and if I can, I want to change that. Later in your life you might pay for what you've done, but you have your whole life for that. For now, just try and live a little."

Do I have the right to? "I don't think I can do that." I argued.

"You think the blood on your hands is too much? How many men have you killed?! Ten? Twenty? Do you think your crimes are any more than any other solider that serves under a nation?" he bellowed in anger. I flinched and recoiled, but there was something comforting about his anger; anger and aggression was something I knew. His kindness was worse, it was strange and terrifying.

"Leave it, you're wasting your time." Harry grumbled.

"What do you mean?"

"Boy, come here." My body obeyed. "That man saved your life, that means your life belongs to him, not the Dark Moon Squad or whoever it was before that. Your life is Luke's, what right do you have to refuse him?"

"Harry, that not what I meant. You're being too harsh with him."

"You think so? Have far has treating him with kindness got you? You're a soldier, right?" I stared at this rough man, in shock or was it awe? I wasn't sure. Somehow, I was clinging to each of his words with resolute attention. "Well? Answer me."

"Yes."

"Then, follow my orders. This man, he is your god, he owns your life and everything you do, so listen to him and do what he says. That's an order from a superior officer."

My mind shut down and I stopped questioning my morality, if this man was my god then I'll leave it up to him to decide, "yes sir."

"Luke what are your orders?"

He looked thoughtful before answering. "First… Listen to what adults tell you but come to your own conclusions. Try and get on with the other children. Don't draw directly on tables," The corners of her lips twitch upwards, as if tying not to smile, "Oh, and violence is prohibited."

"That's the orders you're gonna go with?" Harry scoffed.

He nodded, slightly embarrassed.

"Well you heard the man. Don't draw on any tables."

"Yes sir."

"There's also someone I want you to meet. He'll be returning in a few days; I was hoping you two could be friends."

"Okay."