TRYING

Things were going back to normal.  Next day they spent at the country side, Blue managed to make Saiph agree for a little winter fun trip. Ice skating, steam bath, bonfire resort, etc.

They head back  on last of December , Saiph new year album was to be launch at midnight. The streets were crowded and celebration were at peak. Saiph again felt a wave of fear upon reaching his house. A gut feeling that things are about to go worse. Something he was not ready for.

He wanted to escape his own feelings and thoughts by making himself busy. Countdown for new year as well as for release of his album were two things to get involved into. 

He thought why are people so excited about a new year , as if reality will alter after the end of this year. Everything will be same, new year is not a door to escape.

As the time came close, people became more excited . Just how little Saiph was involved in feeling the euphoria of arrival of new year, died with time.

Three.. Two.... One ...happy new year.

Streets were roaring ,cheering happily.

Some are fighting everyday to make it work.

All I'm doing everyday is trying not to give up

Not to give in

To all the things

That, makes me hollow

From within

I'm just trying

I'm trying to go with the flow,

So I won't till I don't

Break the rules that holds me

Rebel, break the spell

Run fast till the last

From the lies they told me

" I would like to say !" blue had a professional comment to make. " you are going to make people depress. Like they will tear apart their resolution list and...

" no, run fast till the last, is not depressing . It's motiva....

" the song was supposed to be rock, badass vibing...

" so don't dance on it,  feel it . It is pretty rock bad...

" see that's your problem. It's been a year we haven't made a party audio , knowing that it's more marketable..

" what am I supposed to do, put together a thousand curse word and ways to blow your daddy money. I can't, I don't feel it. "

" that's the purpose of part song, you don't have to feel it . It's about thrashing feelings, commitments down the drain. "

" and getting solid shade "

" Damien's heavily on your mind "

" you know what ,you are right. Let's do  pop . "

Blue wasn't sure if it's a taunt or not.

" seriously, heavy base, amplified , electric,  driving rhythms.  Full rock and roll " Saiph was serious and excited.

" OK,  then you should go to the new year party at Andrew's , gather some vibes , pen them down . Make a song you know! "

" what I'll get from there will be horrific "

" terrific ?"

" wax bodies wrapped in brands , attitude more nauseating then fumes of alcohol in air,  what's visible is shallow and unlikable, what's under is too deep and horrific. "

" don't make me sick "

Saiph gave a soft laughter.

Blue woke up by sound of guitar strings being played violently. When Saiph is determined to do something he is the most devoted person for its accomplishment .

Blue got up, leaned against the door of studio room with swollen eyes.

" look happy. I'm making your dream come true " Saiph said adjusting the guitar strings.

" actually you just ruined my dream " Blue yawned.

" check out :

Play the beat that pumps my blood

Deafen me to my thoughts.

Make me hear to my conscience

Make me hear to it no more

I forget I have a life

I forget all my sorrows

High notes, raise the beat

Until I abandon control "

"enough ..ok.. I'm done . You have permanently stolen my peace of night" .

" now what?  It rocks! "

" totally, rocks against rock . It's an insult. Now will you use a song to insult it's own whole genre? " Blue got serious and a little loud.

" it's not an insult.  Just ... the perception of using music to escape reality and throwing responsibilities away in trash .  That ...it's wrong "

" just how exactly is a person supposed to enjoy music while carrying all the burden he want to releive? " 

" I don't know!  By embracing them instead! " Saiph was unsure, nor he wanted to set a serious debate with Blue.

" omelette? " Blue said walking away.

" just don't burn it " Saiph chuckled.

" your song is enough of a burn ", Blue had voice of a mature man .

" it's fire! " Saiph whispered to himself.

Saiph sat on the dining,  positively fresh today, for the work he was able to do instead of laying lazy in bed . He lifted up the newspaper and there to counter his happiness the news awaited. There goes Damien's article :

Happy new year

Wishing you all a good year, but something holds me back from believing in prayers. Maybe Saiph's lyrics :

She said good luck

But then again

I've seen sincere wishes

Goes in vain

Fate is terribly inevitable,  no matter how hard you try, how much you conceal , you will face it where you will reside to hide from it.

I believe Saiph ,you are running from your truth. Erasing your past, disconnecting with your present,  and fading your future.

Or more like :

Changing everything that connects you from your true self, may I say,  your name is to be mentioned at the top of your lies.

Or ending all the connections by running away , as to mention your home.

Personal life is none of public's concern. Fairly true.

You don't have control over your beginning, also true enough.

Making people love you  and fall for your lies , that's a little unjust. Don't you think?!

Accept it, embrace it, don't throw it down the drain. Music make people loose in touch with reality,  you are the source of it ,how wild it is that you have created your own untrue reality.

"How is your palm?is it healed yet? " Blue called out from kitchen.

" or are you embracing the pain? " Blue laughed at his own joke.

Saiph was lost, not into something, but from everything.