~14~

He took in Bryan who was still laid out on the bed under him, his shirt rucked up high to show his dusky nipples that Kieran had been sucking on just a couple seconds ago.

His hair was darker in the dim room, contrasting beautifully against the white sheets under him, his hands placed on the pillow beside his head.

Full lips, kissed bruised and slightly parted, his tightly shut eyes slowly opened to reveal a dazed but confused look.

Ah shit, he had fucked up.

"Kieran?" Bryan called in confusion, a shaky quality to his voice.

It made Kieran recoil like he had been sucker punched in the gut, this hurt far more than anything else he had done. It was why he had to leave, right fucking now.

"Fuck… Bryan… I have to…" He stumbled over his words, looking everywhere but Bryan's face because if he looked one more time at Bryan's vulnerable blue eyes, he would fold and give in.

That would only make things worse, he couldn't do that to Bryan.

"What?" Bryan shot upright at this, the moment that had just happened fading away as quickly as it had come. "A-Are you leaving?" He asked in a fragile voice, reaching for him.

Kieran nearly fell off the bed trying to get away, a litany of curses swirling around in his head, he wanted to kick himself in the balls, shoot himself through the foot and throw himself off the top floor for putting Bryan through this.

"I… I-I'm sorry, Bryan, fuck…." He cursed under his breath, grabbing his shirt and hurrying out.

Bryan wasn't letting him go so easily, scrambling off the bed, he hurried after Kieran, too stunned to process what was going on properly but he did know that he couldn't let Kieran leave.

He wasn't about to have a repeat of what happened back in the car, they couldn't keep pretending that there was nothing going on.

"Kieran! Fuck it! Don't you fucking run out on me." He yelled, hurrying out his bedroom to find Kieran frozen at the door.

Bryan deflated at this. "Kieran?" He tried to reach out to him in a soft voice.

If he could just talk to him, maybe he could figure out what was going on and what he did wrong.

He didn't get the chance though because after another apology and a couple harsh curses at himself, Kieran slipped out of his apartment before he could stop him.

Bryan could even bring himself to go after him this time, sliding slowly to the ground, tears burning at the corners of his eyes.

Was it him? Was there something wrong with him?

Kieran didn't slow down till he got to the foyer, pulling on his shirt haphazardly in his haste. He made his way out of the Pack House and headed straight for his car.

Fortunately he had remembered to grab his car keys or he would have hiked the trip back to his house because he would rather lose a limb than go back to the Pack House, at least for the next couple days.

What had he been thinking? How could he have let it get so far?

Bryan was really a danger to him because right then all he wanted to do was go back to Bryan and pull him into his arms.

And that exactly was the problem, he knew better than to get attached and even worse to allow people that he actually cared about to get attached to him that way.

He supposed it had been so easy to let his guard down around Bryan but that was no excuse to go ahead and fuck things up this bad.

He started up his car and with shaky hands brought out a pack of cigarettes to light up, something to keep him from going insane.

He didn't get very far, he couldn't even bring himself to take a stick out and with a wretched curse he crushed the pack of nicotine sticks in a hand and threw it in the back seat, curling over like he was in pain.

Things were far worse than he could have ever imagined. 

Back in his apartment, Bryan had dragged himself back to bed, he curled up on his side of the bed, feeling like a block of ice was settled in his middle.

He would probably see things from a more logical view tomorrow but tonight the only thing he could think of was that Kieran had left him.

It hurt because he had no idea what he did wrong.

He should have voiced out his concerns from the very start and now all that was left were the ghosts of the sensations Kieran made him feel.

He should probably stay away from Kieran, if there was basically nothing between them and he already felt like he was going to rip in half from within, what would happen if they actually got together?

But then again, that was exactly why Bryan was lost to him, the heart wants what it wants...

That was fucking dumb of his heart, it couldn't have chosen anyone else.

His emotions were too raw to go over the events of the night but he couldn't even sleep, maybe he should pick up smoking, it seemed to be working for Kieran.

Bryan curled tighter into himself, it was his first night being a full adult in charge of every decision in his life and he already got his heart broken, way to go.

He wanted to talk to someone but he wasn't about to wake his mom up with a phone call to tell her that the Head Beta kissed him in his own bed and then bailed on him.

As a matter of fact he didn't want to have that conversation with anyone.

Unwittingly, his thoughts went to Kieran and even though he wanted nothing more than to knee him in the balls, he couldn't help but be worried about him.

Where had he gone after he left? Bryan didn't see Kieran going to spend the night with anyone else in the Pack House so the crazy man was probably driving home at the moment.

He couldn't risk calling him so against his better judgment, he got to his feet and aggressively grabbed his phone to send a quick text reminding Kieran to be safe.

He might be flat out pissed and more than a little heartbroken at him but that didn't mean that he had stopped caring.