~15~

After the quick text, he rolled over to his side again, aggressively punching his pillow before making a weak attempt to fall asleep.

Ironic how Kieran had barely spent an hour on his bed and Bryan had already assigned their sides of the bed, he was whipped.

He was mostly calm now, the initial emotions that swamped him after Kieran left slowly settling down.

He wasn't heartbroken anymore, okay maybe a little but he was more curious than anything else.

Why had Kieran dashed out like hell was on his tail?

It hadn't even been Bryan that had initiated the heated makeout session in the first place so he couldn't wrap his head around why Kieran had suddenly bailed on him.

He was slightly pissed too because who the hell solved their problems by running away? 

Kieran had better turn out alright or Bryan was going to make sure he wasn't.

With that, he aggressively rolled over to Kieran's side and curled up on it, falling asleep to the comforting scent of dark roses and smoky leather.

~°~

Kieran somehow managed it back to his house in one piece, heading straight for the in house bar as soon as he got in.

Smoking was out of the question and he needed something to take the edge off.

It probably wasn't the wisest option for him to sit in the dark and drink whisky through the night but he didn't exactly have a lot of options.

He was becoming the very person he swore he would never be but staying any longer would have made things worse.

He wanted to check the time so he took out his phone, it was just before midnight and before he could put his phone back in his pocket, a notification caught his eye.

He placed down the whisky bottle on the glass counter and let out a bitter chuckle, he had been the asshole and yet Bryan still texted him to be safe.

He was really full of it going around saying things like, he couldn't let things between them get too far.

He knew it had long crossed the line a couple weeks after Bryan started coming over to his office to pass the time.

But it was easy to convince himself that Bryan was just a kid, that way he could blatantly lie to himself and not feel guilty about it.

He was exactly like his shitbag of a father, it was always easy to be the one to leave when he wasn't attached.

So while he told himself that he didn't want to turn out like his father, he had been doing exactly what his father did over and over to the people who got attached to him.

He didn't get attached to people so he didn't feel the pain, telling them that it was for their sake.

That he didn't want to end up leaving them.

He really didn't, the last thing he wanted was to make anyone else go through what his mom had to suffer through.

It was why he really tried hard to discourage people from getting attached to him, they just didn't listen.

This time, he had been the one to break his own rule, not only had he allowed Bryan to get attached to him, he had also gone ahead and fallen for him as well.

Snatching up his half empty bottle of whiskey, he threw it against the far wall, the bottle smashing to pieces with a deafening sound.

It wasn't loud enough to drown out his demons though.

He was stuck in a vicious cycle, leaving now would mean that he had actively pulled his father's shitty move and staying was even worse because then he would give Bryan the false hope that he would stay.

Or far, far worse… that he would come back.

Resigning from being the Head Beta just because he wanted to avoid Bryan was more than a little over the top but it would sting to high hell if he had to tell Bryan to stay away from him.

He couldn't imagine going through his days without Bryan's presence, it was like deciding to suck all the oxygen out of the room.

It was impossible to  live with.

He couldn't even drink or smoke, who knew that growing healthier habits would make him feel so shitty?

Kieran pushed himself up from the counter, getting off the stool that he had somehow managed to remain on even though he was reasonably drunk.

If it were any other situation, with any other person, he would have smoked and drunk the night away to chase away the guilt that remained with him when he pushed them away.

Not tonight though, not with Bryan's curious and vulnerable sea blue eyes staring from behind his eyelids whenever he blinked.

And he blinked a lot because either he was walking with his eyes closed or his eyes had decided to retire for the night.

It was bad enough trying to move while drunk but now he had to perform said acrobatics while the lights were dimmed.

Maybe he would fall and smack his head hard on the ground, hard enough to forget about the entire night.

He was going to feel like shit for the rest of the night because he hadn't drunk enough to knock himself out, he was hardly even properly drunk, he could still hear his thoughts and feel his brain, not good enough.

But Bryan had told him to be safe and fuck everything that ever was, he couldn't deny him anything.

It was why he hadn't stayed to try and talk things out to Bryan or at least, give him an explanation.

Because it wouldn't have been a conversation, it would be Bryan telling him not to leave and him being unable to.

He managed to get to his bedroom in one piece, falling in a dead weight on the large bed.

Silence reigned in the big house like it always did.

If he listened hard enough, he could almost hear the soft siren songs his mom always played.