Chapter One- Trigger warning.

With my bag flung over my shoulder, I walked out into the world. The bag was small and basically empty with the few things I actually owned in it. I looked back as they locked the gates behind me, I had spent three years here. Locked in a cell. Alone.

I thought back to when it began...

Shots. Gunshots. Gunshots on a Saturday. Gunshots on a Saturday, near my house. Mum! I looked out the window to see multiple bodies around the floor, my mum included, her hand laying on my dog, also shot next to her. I saw two men walk across the street and I ducked. Quickly and quietly I snatched my phone and ran upstairs to hide. Dilling 999 I waited for them to pick up,

"You have reached a frontline operator how may I help you"

"Send help, so many dead," I muttered quietly, scared for my life I was only 14, and this brought back memories of the crash me and my dad were in.

"Okay, stay calm for me, where are you?" The man on the phone asked, clicking away,

"67 Rosemary road," I whispered hearing bangs below me.

"Police on route I need you to talk to me, how many men?"

"About two, maybe three" I whispered before hearing another bang downstairs.

"Are you in a safe place?" He asked to calmly,

"I think so, how long till they are here?" I asked growing impatient.

....

The police saved me, keeping me in the house as people cleared up the bodies, I was questioned and went to live with my grandparents. That's when I started, grabbing a blade I sliced it across my arms and legs, watching as the blood dripped onto my floor. When I got light-headed I stopped, letting the cuts scab I put on some long sleeve, I didn't want them seeing me like this.

It was rather late as I walked downstairs, seeing them both asleep I snuck into the kitchen, grabbing the only bottle of what looked like alcohol from the cupboard and sneaking back to my room. I needed something to take the edge of off my sorrow.

I looked at the bottle, it turned out I had just grabbed a new bottle of whiskey. I opened the bottle and took a swig, gagging at the taste I took another sip. That turned into more of a gulp.

....

That's how it was for about a year until I turned 15. It didn't just stop at slicing and drinking. There was more I did. Drugs were one, taking me to a new sense of calm. Drinking was normal, at least two even three bottles of whiskey a day. Shoplifting, I'm not sure how I got into but it was thrilling. Cutting, my legs and arms were covered in scars and new cuts, still, I managed to hide them.

I am not really sure how I got caught, I was going into a shop to get my first bottle of drink for the day, and was caught. The police were called as I was already loopy on crack. I was arrested then, guilty of multiple crimes, including drink driving and a hit and run. I was arrested. For three years I sat in a cell, not being able to cut myself I grew insane, until now.

...

I looked across at a blue Fiat 500 where an old lady sat waiting for me. She had ginger curly hay, blue eyes, and looked energetic. She spotted me and looked at me. My torn clothes showed of not even half of my scares, my back hair had grown long in the last years and my blue ocean blue eyes had no hope left in them.

"Hey," she said excitedly causing me to groan "I'm Susan, gonna get you settled in at your new home, ready love."

Not saying anything I got in the car, slinging my bag down by my feet I sat down. I was silent for the whole journey, I didn't care, I wanted a relatively normal life back. My mum would hate what I had become and that's why I needed to change.

We pulled into a small area of flats and she parked the car. Turning to see my staring emotionless out the window.

"If you follow me I will show you to your home"

I picked up my bag and followed her in. The building was sets of flats, by the look of them they were rather big. We walked up to one set of stairs and she stopped at a door marked 67. I blanked out for a minute, something I did regularly, images of my mum's pale body, with blood dripping down her back flashed through my mind.

Pulling me out of my trance was Susan talking, "here you are, there is food in all the cupboards, running water and a year's paid of electric."

I placed my bag on a table and looked around at all the space I had. The kitchen consisted of, a black microwave and oven, a silver fridge, a sink and many cupboards. I looked around and walked into the living area, Susan following close behind. In one corner was a TV opposite that a couch and what looked like a fish tank.

"The last person who lived here left it, I thought with your history it may be calming," Susan said, my history, did that mean she knew about me, everything I had done.

The last room was a bedroom, with an ensuite, a double bed was fitted with dark blue sheets with matching pillows. The ensuite was a silver set. The sink and shower were silver. The walls were tiled black and silver, the tiles were placed on the wall in a pattern, like a chess set.

I walked out and back to the hallway where Susan stood with a phone, she handed it to me.

"My number is on this, if you need anything, I will be here tomorrow for our first session,"

The session, what does she mean session. With that said she walked out the door, returning minutes later she handed me a key,

"Keys to your flat, see ya"

I was left alone with a phone and keys, I placed them on the coffee table in the lounge and sat down. Suddenly a small voice I hadn't heard for three years popped into her brain.

"CUT!"

It screamed catching me off guard, I shook my head, I had been clean for three years.

"Exactly, lost time, imagine the pain, the blood, the feeling of the blade against your skin."

I smiled, I was addicted to it, the three years I spent in prison were torture, not being able to have my escape. I shot up from the sofa and walked towards the ensuite. I looked through the cupboards, looking for any blades, spotting one I grabbed it. Tearing of the packaging I brought it to my skin pressing down. When I was about to slice I heard a pain-filled meow. Ignoring it I brought the blade back to my skin. Dragging it across once I heard another meow. I dropped the blade in the sink and went to find the source of the noise.

With blood slowly dripping down my arm I pulled the door open to see a small tabby, she was extremely thin and carefully got up, walking weakly into my house. Remembering a book I read as a child I smiled. A Street Cat Named Bob, was the best book I read with my dad, and this reminded me of it.

The cat slumped down and meowed again and I looked through the cupboards looking for anything fishy. Grabbing a tin of tuna I opened it, draining the water, I put it in front of the cat; who ate it happily. I looked down at the skinny cat and riffled through draws to find any money. Grabbing my bad of the table I looked through it, finding my credit card and £20. I grabbed my keys and walked out the door leaving the cat in my flat.

I walked towards a pet shop sat on the corner and looked around. I was right next to a high street. Small stores lined a street and a smiled. Streets like these don't have many cameras, good for shoplifting, easy to get away unseen. I walked into the pet shop looking around. I got to the cat section. Not sure what to get I had only ever had a pet dog. I looked for an employee and walked towards a girl. She had blond hair, blue eyes and was wearing Pets At Home uniform and was placing stuff on shelves.

"Excuse me," I asked trying to be kind, I hadn't spoken to a lot of people.

"How can I help?" She asked

"I'm not sure what I need for a cat," I said kinda embarrassed.

"Okay, let me help."

...

After about an hour I stood by a checkout, I had cat bowls, treats, litter, a litter tray, cat food, cat carrier, cat bed, collar and for some reason a harness and lead. It was explained to me, that the harness would be good to let the cat out during the six weeks she had to stay inside. I was also booked an appointment for her to be microchipped.

I managed to pay for all the stuff and walked back to my flat with relative ease. I placed all the stuff on the kitchen table. The cat, who I decided to name Rose, after my mum, was still sleeping peacefully. I placed the cat biscuit and meat in a cupboard along with all the other stuff except the collar, the bed and two bowls. I filled one bowl was water, the other with biscuit and placed them both the floor watching is Rose came over to drink from one. Catching her of the guard I put her collar on. I then placed her bed in the lounge by the heater. Leaving her be I went in for a shower and decided to change my hair.

Grabbing a pair of clippers and adding a grade 2 combe to it I shaved off my hair, watching as my hair fell to the floor. I got in for a shower and stood in the warm water. I looked down at myself. I wouldn't call myself fat or thin, I was more in between. On both my legs were long think scares, with the same on my arm, the one I did today stood out red against my pale skin. I scrubbed my body with the shower gel provided and sat down, letting the water rush over me.

I stayed like that for a while, until my stomach rumbled. I got out the shower, grabbing a white towel off the rack and placed the hair into the bin, before walking into my room. Rose had curled up on my bed, making herself at home. I walked back to the kitchen and grabbed my bag. I unpacked the rest of the stuff, placing a photo of my family on the bedside table. I flung my bag into my wardrobe and realised it was full of clothes. I grabbed a shirt that looked like PJs and pulled it on. I grabbed a pair of boxers out of the draw and went to bed.

I laid down in my bed, thoughts rushing I'm my mind. These people have done so much for me, they gave me a house, food, clothes, everything I need, and what have I done, NOTHING. I've been a pain to this country.

I drifted off to sleep the thoughts fresh in my mind. Just as I closed my eyes Rose moved over and snuggled into me. I smiled before the darkness consumed me.