Chapter 3

The Street Cat Named Bob, a book about a guy who is on the road to recovery from being homeless and a drug addict, I read it when I was young I loved the story. Yet, here I am today, say on the floor, curled up in a ball with Rose trying to get me to open my eyes.

I'm crying so hard, for no reason just because I'm so mentally exhausted I have a long way to go. My legs and arms hurt so bad, many of the cuts have grown infected but I don't care, the pain keeps me alive.

I bring my head up and open my eyes to the darkness of my flat. It's around 2 am and here I have sat on the kitchen floor a knife next to me, ready if I want to use it. A letter on the table letting whoever finds me know why?

The voice has grown so loud it hurts. I look at Rose once more and reach for the knife standing up she meows loudly at my feet. I place the knife in a draw and slump back down on the floor. That was to close. I lay down and close my eyes, Rose laying next to me, protecting me, that's what I need someone to protect me from myself.

...

I wake up to the sound of purring and look forward to seeing Rose curled up next to me. I chuckle and get up, after yesterday I feel fine like I got all my bad thoughts out. I wipe my face and get something to eat, both for me and Rose. I hear the pop of the toaster and freeze again, my eyes glazing over.

Flashback

I heard my mother call my name, more like scream my name. Her toast had just poped and. I walked back into my bedroom quietly hoping my dad had left. I grabbed the first aid kit I had hidden under my bed. I pulled it out and went down the stairs. Seeing my mum on the floor I ran to her.

She had bruises all over her face and a cut down her side. Next to her was a broken beer bottle. I carefully made my way over to her and pushed away the glass with my foot, careful not to cut it. I opened the kit and gave her the arnica cream to help with the bruising while I tended to the cut.

I cleaned it and bandaged it before taking off her top and putting it in to soak. Before grabbing her a clean one from the stashes I had hidden skilful around the house.

She kissed my cheek and got up carefully and started to sweep up the broken glass. This wasn't the worse she had been beaten but it still must sting.

End of flashback.

I grab my toast like nothing happened and buttered it sitting down in the sofa before I look down at my legs. I had only cut them a few times yesterday, the others had started to heal. I sighed, what was wrong with me.

....

I stared blankly at the packet on my table, having one smoke wouldn't hurt. The repercussions would hurt though, even if I smoke once I won't be able to stop. I would be I'm such a high that if I came down to fast my head would basically hit the floor.

Someone knocked on my door and I pushed the packet into the draw going to open it. After I saw Susan at the door I looked down at myself. I was wearing a red vest top which showed of my few toned muscles but also all my scars. I was also in a pair of loose shorts. She smiled like nothing happened and walked past me.

She didn't sit down or even get anything out of her bag, she stood there deep in thought.

"Right were going somewhere, come on!"

I slumped to the floor, the words echoing in my head as old painful memories put me in a trance.

Flashback

I sat at my table eating a bowl of soup for lunch. I hadn't gone back to school after Marks and was in the good company of my mother who assumed I had been sent home ill.

The door swung violently open and my dad staggered in. He looked at me, not realising who I was and walked over to my mum.

"Thought you could have more fun with him did ya" he asked bringing his fist back "thought you could run off and fuck him, was I not good enough for you, was I not the best thing you have ever experienced"

My mums face drained of colour and she turned to him. A bottle in his had he stood there slightly swaying.

"Jack, that's Sam, your son"

His bloodshot grey eyes turned towards me and he registered who I was.

"So it is"

He wiped his hand under his nose before smearing it on his blue jumper and grey, nearly black jeans.

He brings his hand back quickly and hit my mum causing her to fall into the wall, and slump back, unconscious.

"Right, we are going somewhere come on"

I screamed and he dragged me out. He pushed me in the back seat of his old run-down jeep and finished the rest of the bottle. He threw the bottle on the floor and got the keys out of his pocket, climbing into the front seat and driving off.

We turned left onto a highway and he hit another car. Our car flipped a few times and I saw his head go through the windscreen. His head splatted, blood errupting from his head like a volcano, and his eyes rolled back. I, on the other hand, was wearing my set belt and was cushioned on the airbag, my head swung forward and whacked on the seat in front of me, cutting my face I lost consciousness.

End of Flashback

I woke with a gasp to see Susan looking over at me. I shook my head to clear the fog that was clouding my brain and got up. This was in the past there was no going back, I just had to keep going.

"Let me get changed and we can go"

I went into my room and looked through the wardrobe. I pulled out a black top with, the show must go on, written in silver on it and a pair of light blue tracksuit bottoms. I grabbed a scruffy looking pair of trainers and walked out to see Susan stroking Rose, who was rolling around on the floor in happiness. Before we left I put biscuit in the bowl and made sure she had water. I grabbed my keys and my phone and walked over to Susan showing I was ready.

"Okay, leys get going then" she said smiling.

She walked out the door and I followed locking the door behind her I followed her to the car. She pointed out a blue ciet leon and handed me a set of keys.

"We are going two places, one your grandparents said you had driving lessons so you are taking your test and two to gets coffee before our session."

I smiled and grabbed the keys connecting them to my flat key I sat in her car, putting on my seat belt.

.....

I arrived at a small car place where a man stood on his phone in front of a red mini. He had black hair up in a pony tale and was wearing a tracksuit. Susan pointed to him and I smiled. She wanted me to have a normal life, I was still fighting my addictions but I wanted a normal life. I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. He made a small grunting noise and I got in the drivers seat. I put my seat belt on, checked the mirrors were in the right place and gripped the stiring wheel. Last time I was in a car was the hit and run that I hardly remembered I was so drunk.

"So if your read, the destination is in the sat nav so lets go"

I smiled warmly and started the engine pulling out slowly I passed Susan who was filling out some forms with another guy.

.....

"So here is your driving licence and the paperwork needed" the man said after we had got back, alive.

I walked to the car with Susan who turned to me with more paper work, "insurance is payed for a year, car is taxed and ready to drive when you need to, you said you applied for a job which is good so fuel will be easy to pay for"

"Thanks" I mumbled and placed the papers on the back seat as we pulled away, shortly arriving at a Costa. She turned the ignition off and we walked in the smell of coffee and milk hung in the air. We walked up to the counter and I looked through the menu on the wall, descidding what to have.

"Hello, what would you like today?"

Susan turned to me and I opened my mouth, the words not forming I tried again, " iced mint moca please" I asked as Susan ordered a latté and payed.

We walked back to the car with our drinks and we drive to a different building. We stood in the back of the room as people talked.

"This is something I thought might benefit you, it's a achoholic aawearness meeting, you don't need to say anything or do anything just listen and when your comfortable speak, no one will judge it's all so you can learn and help others."

I nodded taking a sip of my drink. I watched as a man, about thirty who looked like me in the first couple years of my addiction, started to speak. He looked around the room and started to speak.

"Hey I'm Jhon."

"Hi Jhon" everyone else answers in unison

"I started off like you, addicted to the thrill and high of drink not remembering what you did that day or just lying on the couch watching the day go past a drinking, I have come so far because I have been clean for a month and you all can to."

I sighed and walked out, this journey was something I had to do in my own, being here just reminded me the thrills and fun I had drinking. This place will not help me. I walked out and into a different room where Susan followed and sat,

"Let's talk, " she said as I sat.

I fidgeted with my shirt, watching as Susan, wrote down more notes,

"So Sam, how have you been holding up? at out last session you said the cat is helping you, is that true?"

"Yeah, she keeps me out of the darkness" I said truthfully she knew when I lied, and it was pissing me off.

She nodded tapping her pen on her book memories flooded back, memories I had locked away, the shooting, my mums cries.

Flashback.

I was sat upstairs listening to the crys of my mother, she told me to hide. I had. I was sat in the bottom of my closet waiting for the shots to stop so I could go check on her. The guns stopped and I ran down to see her on the floor with our dog dead next to her. I grabbed the phone and ran upstairs back to my hiding place.

....

I was sat in the police station with a cup of hot chocolate warming my hands. I hadn't spoken to anyone I wanted my mum.

"Sam" I heard my grandma say sadly walking towards me. I got up and hugged her, the tears forming.

"Shhhh, it's okay, let's go home"

I stayed hugging her as we walked out of the station, all the officers looking at me sadly. I walked past the office and saw some of my mums belongings including a picture of me her and Baxter, our German shepherd. I walked up to the desk and pointed to the picture. The guy smiled sadly and handed it to me before my grandma walked up behind me and grabbed my hand.

We walked to the car and I looked down at the photo crying again, letting the sobs rack through my body.

End of flashback.

I woke up with Susan again standing in front of me, another guy was with her a paramedic by the looks of his clean uniform. He was checking something and looked up when he noticed I was awake. I ripped of the blood pressure and got up.

"Take it slow" the paramedic said running his hand through his hair. I ignored the comment and got up. Walking towards the door I saw another paramedic looking at me worriedly. I looked down at my arm to see that my sleeve had been pushed up for them to be able to check my blood pressure. I pushed the sleeve down and walked towards the exit of the building.

I walked to the only place I knew around here, Susan's car. Leaning on her bonit I waited for her to come out. After a few minutes she came out, talking quietly to the paramedics who walker to their balance and drive off.

She came over to me and unlocked the car allowing me to get in.

"They wanted to tell you, that you should have that checked out, it could be an illness"

"Mmm," I replied looking out the window as we sped past houses.