Interlude
We came to the supermarket because Izumi-san needs to buy her groceries. I don't know how this would help us to get the last member we need for the club, but no one else seem to mind, so I guess it's fine.
Or at least I hope so.
Anyway, we enter the supermarket, and Izumi-san goes ahead to take a shopping cart.
"This way," she says, pushing a cart forward. "The food's at the end onf the store. Come, Sotoka-chan," Izumi-san advances, and we follow her.
"Isn't that weird?" Ino-san suddenly inquires. "Why the food's almost always at the end of the supermarket? Shouldn't it be right at the entrance? It's what they sell the most."
This is a really interesting question, and because neither Izumi-san and Hamano-san seem to know the answer—or, at leasts, they don't seem willing to say anything—I'll answer it.
But there's always the possibility I'm wrong.
"Maybe they put it at the end of the supermarket to make us go throughout the place and, thus, chances of finding and buying something we weren't planning to buy increase," I smile. "Maybe this sounds unusual but I really like places like this: stores from national or even global corporations, because I'm pretty sure every single aspect surrounding these types of places is meticulously calculated, controlled and optimized to increase sales. This supermarket is maybe the best possible version it could be, statistically speaking.
Izumi-san, Hamano-san and Ino-san look at me confused.
Maybe what I said was unusual indeed.
"Wow, you really are like a robot, Khanna-san," Ino-san tells me.
"Ino-san!" Hamano-san scolds Ino-san.
"No, it's ok," I say; "in fact, we're all like robots; we're incredibly complex organic machines. And yes, I know Ino-san called me robot because I'm pragmatic and emotionless, features falsely associated with robots because, in fact, a robot could have emotions and act emotionally if it was programmed that way; a robot simply acts according to its program, and robots are programmed logically because logic's simple: 2 + 2 is always going to be 4, √169 is always going to be 13, and even the answer of any incredibly complex equation is always going to be the same, so it's pretty easy to find a logic solution—or solutions, even—for most problems. On the other hand, emotional intelligence is extremely complex; every person will react differently for any given situation; emotional intelligence depends of an infinite amount of variables that change from person to person, and every single one of those variables depends on an infinite amount of memories, experiences, teachings, opinions, etcetera, that every person has received throughout its life and influence it both consciously and unconsciously, and because of that the idea of creating a program that complex for a robot is completely absurd—and pointless, if you ask me—considering today's technology."
Again, they look at me confused.
"What I'm trying to say is that we all are infinitely complex robots," I explain.
"Yeah," says Izumi-san, "but Ino meant you're smart, but no fun."
"Izumi-san, don't say that!" Hamano-san scolds Izumi-san.
"But, Sotoka-chan—
"Apologize," Hamano-san orders.
"No, it's ok," I tell them. "Izumi's right: I'm no fun," and I say this mainly because the idea of fun is incredibly subjective and abstract, even though I've noticed people usually consider someone fun when he or she makes them laugh, but what could be the cause of this laughter? What makes something funny or unfunny? What's the logic behind humor?
I don't know, but I maybe analyzing humor is the worst I can do to understand it; humor doesn't seem to base itself on logic or reason, in most cases, meaning I shouldn't think that much about it, but if I shouldn't think that much about it, then what should I do? Because thinking—or overthinking that is—is the only thing I'm good at, and—
"Gomen, gomen, gomen, gomen, Khanna-san! Why are you ignoring me?!" Izumi-san's in front of me, shaking me violently from the waist for some reason.
"What are you doing, Izumi-san? I don't understand" I tell her.
"GOMEN, GOMEN, GOMEN, GOMEN, KHANNA-SAN! FORGIVE ME ALREADY!" she, instead of releasing me and explain me everything, shakes me even more violently and yells even louder than before.
"Izumi-san, let her go!" Hamano-san yells.
"No until she forgivs me! ¡GOMEN, GOMEN, GOMEN—
"Ok, ok, I forgive you, I forgive you," I say, and she lets me go. But why do you want me yo forgive you? Telling me I'm no fun is no insult, it's the truth. Or could the truth be an insult? That's absurd; the truth is simply the truth, and if someone considers the truth —especially the truth related to itself—as an insult is because that person can't accept itself. But maybe it could happen if we consider the chances of we knowing every single aspect of ourselves is extremely low, specially consider all the aspects hidden in our uncon…
I stop talking.
Everyone's looking at me confused again.
Yes, definitely I'm no fun.
Maybe it's because I talk too much, even though I'm only saying what I think. So maybe I'm no fun because I always overthink. That makes sense because people that are considered fun don't seem to think too much about their actions—like Izumi-san.
Does that mean fun = impulsivity?
Maybe this oversimplifies it, and it's highly possible there's unfunny yet impulsive and funny yet unimpulsive people.
I must investigate more about it, and maybe one good way to do it is just stop overthinking.
Like in this very moment.
I look around, and they are looking at something in the shelves.
"Wait. You just brought us here to look at toys?" Ino-san asks, and we're in the toys section indeed. "That's so otaku."
"I'm no otaku!" Izumi-san yells. "And those are figures, not toys. And we're just passing by."
"Yeah, right."
"Yeah, right, we're passing by, but that doesn't mean we can't look at the figures; some of them are collectibles, but I don't collect 'em 'cause I'm no otaku. Wait, is that Kempachiro Rama-sama?" Izumi-san takes one of this collectible figures, inspects is closely and puts it in the cart."
"And you said you are no otaku, otaku," Ino-san tells Izumi-san with a sly grin."
"SHUT UP, INO; I'M NO OTAKU, I'M A BUSINESS WOMAN!"
"Stop yelling," Hamano-san says.
"But it was Ino's fault!" Izumi yells.
"Stop yelling!" Hamano-san yells.
"It's all your fault!" Izumi-san yells at Ino-san.
"No, it's your fault because you're an otaku!"
"I'M NO OTAKU!"
"Shut up you two!"
This looks bad. Maybe I should do something about it. But what? Well, I'm definitely not fun enough to distract them and lighten the mood with a joke, but here are many toys and collectible figures, and maybe there's one that can distract them. But maybe they already looked at all the collectible figures from the aisle. Well, maybe all but the ones in the upper shelf, and I say this because 1) I'm the only one tall enough to get there, and 2) everything there is covered in dust, but it seems to be one of those collectible figures.
I take it and blow the dust away.
"Here, Izumi-san," I tell her, and she stops yelling at Ino-san and turns towards me.
"NANI!" Izumi-san yells and approaches me as fast as she can. "Is that a Baka-chan convention exclusive limited edition figure?!" Izumi-san takes the box and inspects in closely. "Yes, yes it is! And it's in mint condition! Arigatōgozaimashita, Khanna-san!" she yells and then hugs me. "I'm gonna make so much money with this, and with that money I'm gonna buy so much manga and so much stuff for Sotoka-chan 'cause Sotoka-chan's so kawaii desu and so sugoii desu and so perfect in every aspect!"
"No, I'm not," Hamano-san says. "And I don't really need anything, but thanks, anyway, Izumi-san."
"See? She's also humble and thankful, and daisuki desu, Sotoka-chan," Izumi-san then continued tos ay things I don't quite understand.
Anyway, I think I've made it: no one's yelling anymore.
But I'm still no fun.
Maybe I'm still overthinking.
"Hey," someone's calling us, "so you were the ones yelling non-stop? If you don't keep doing that, I'm gonna ask you to leave. This is no joke," judging from his uniform, he's from of the supermarket's security staff.
"Yes, we're sorry," Hamano-san says and bows.
I do the same thing, and we all leave the aisle.
We soon arrive to the food area. Izumi-san goes into one aisle and starts to fill up her cart with both canned and instant soup; then she goes to the freezers and takes some boxes of ice cream and frozen food, and various bags of chicken nuggets.
"Wait," Hamano-san says. "Is this all you're going to buy, Izumi-san?"
"No," Izumi-san replies, "I'll nuy some chips and sodas too."
"But why don't you buy something healthier?" Hamano-san asks.
"Because you're what you eat," Ino-san says, "and Izumi's pure junk."
"Shut up, Ino, you baka!"
"Hey, stop it," Hamano-san puts herself between Izumi-san and Ino-san. "But, sorry, Izumi-san; Ino-san's has a point: that food's really bad for you. Don't you like healthier food, like fruits and vegetables?"
"Yeah, but they go bad real soon," Izumi-san replies. "I used to buy those, but every time I wanted toe at 'em they were black, and moldy and yuck!"
Hamano-san smiles.
"That because you gotta eat them fresh. Come," Hamano-san puts her hand in Izumi-san shoulder, and Izumi-san immediately smiles. "Let's go to get some fruit, and they I'll make you a salad.
Izumi-san looks at Hamano-san surprised.
"You gonna cook for me?"
"Well, making a salad's not that har—
Izumi-san hugs Hamano-san.
And I think Izumi-san's crying.
"Arigatōgozaimashita, Sotoka-chan!" Izumi-san cries. "I bet that salad's gonna be so delicious 'cause u'll make it with your sacred hand, and everything u do is so sugoi desu and so perfect 'cause you're so sugoi desu and so perfect and uh, uh, uh, we could cook together, very, very close together and—
"Yeah, but you don't need to yell, and why are you crying? Its only a salad. Come on," says Hamano-san," Izumi-san, let me go; we need to go get the fruit.
Izumi-san keeps hugging Hamano-san tightly.
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And she then releases her.
Hamano-san starts returning the products Izumi-san added to her cart to their respective shelves.
"Oh, Izumi-san," Hamano-san says. "I don't know how you could eat all this junk."
"Why?" Ino-san asks. "What's wrong about that? You'll live happier and you'll die sooner. That's a win-win situation for me."
"Hey, don't say that," Hamano-san scolds her.
"Why not? Because society doesn't like it? Because you're supposed to be happy all the time even though life is shit? Because it is. No one's having fun. We'd all be better dead—
Hamano-san hugs Ino-san, and Ino-san tries to push her away.
"But if you die," Hamano-san says, "who I'm going to tease, then?"
"Shut up, Sotoka-san, and go away; I'm suffocating! Fucking busty!"
Ino-san finally pushes Hamano-san away.
"Umm… I wanna die too or whatever," Izumi-san says. "Maybe if Sotoka-chan gives me a super-hard and super-long hug I'll get better," Izumi-san closes her eyes and opens her arms.
But Hamano-san doesn't hug her.
"Let's go get some fruits," Hamano-san says and, before she starts pulling the cart, Izumi-san runs towards her and hugs her. Hamano-san yells for a second. "Izumi-san, let me go; that guy will kick us out."
"I don't care, Sotoka-chan! I wanna live! LIVE!" Izumi-san keeps yelling and clinging to Hamano-san, who's struggling get away. And I turn towards Ino-san.
"Is that fun?" I ask Ino-san and point at the scene in front of us.
"What?" Ino-san looks at me confused. Like always.
"I'm asking if that is fun. A few minutes ago Izumi-san said I'm no fun, son I assume she is, thus, her actions can be considered as funny."
Ino-san keeps looking at me confused.
"So… is that fun or not?" I point at the scene in front of us again.
"Only for Izumi; Sotoka-san must hate it, but she doesn't say shit… as always."
"And is it fun for you?"
"For me?… Well, Izumi's always hugging her, so there's nothing new about that, but Sotoka-san's having a bad time, and she deserves it for hugging me, so yeah, I guess it's fun."
In conclusion, Izumi's spontaneus and irrational actions Izumi-san are considered fun by 2 of 3 people, meaning they were 66.66% fun.
Maybe, if I want to be fun, I should act more than Izumi-san then.
Anyway, we head to the fruits section.
"Let's see," Hamano-san says. "Ino-san, bring me some mangos; Khanna-san, you can go get some apples; Izumi-san—
"CHAN! CALL ME IZUMI-CH—
"Yeah, whatever, get me some bananas, and let's see what I find."
Then, each one of us goes gather our respective fruit. I arrive to the apple section, but I immediately find a problem: there's Red Delicious, Granny Smith, Golden, Fuji, Honeycrisp apples. Which one should I choose?
I look around and only find Ino-san; she's in front of me, in the next aisle, choosing mangos.
"Ino-san," I tell her, and she turns both sides," up here," I tell her, and she looks up and sees me above the shelves. "Which apples should I pick? There's Red Delicious, Granny Smith, Fuji, Honeycrisp…"
"Why should I know? The red ones?"
"Almost all of them are red."
"I don't know then. Hey, do you know how to pick mangos?" She has a mango on each hand, and she shows them to me.
"They look the same to me," I say.
"Ok," she says, then she puts both mangoes in a bag and leaves.
Me, on the other hand, choose one Apple from each type—that way chances of choosing the right type of apple rise to 100%—I choose the shiniest ones and the ones without any bruise. Then, I go back to the cart.
"They need the sticker," Izumi-san says and heads to an electronic scale next to the lemons; behind it there's a sign with copious codes and instructions. Izumi-san puts her bananas on the scale; then, she presses something in the scale's touchscreen panel; after this, a sticker comes out, and Izumi-san puts it on one banana.
"What's that for?" Hamano-san.
"For the self-checkout," Ino-san says and hands Hamano-san the mango bag. "There should be those in every store."
"Oh, no, Ino-san," Hamano-san says while inspecting the mangoes. "This already went bad."
"And how should I know?" Ino-san asks. "They all look the same."
Izumi-san heads towards Hamano-san e Ino-san, probably to join their conversation.
Meanwhile, I approach the scale to put a sticker to the apples I collected.
But the sign has a different code for every type of apple, so I guess I should print a sticker for every single apple I collected.
I then put an apple over the scale, I search for its code in the sign and, wait, is this apple a Granny Smith or a Fuji? Or is it a Honeycrisp? Or maybe none of the above?
It seems there's only one thing to do: I go back to the apple section, leave all the apples I chose—I hope someone distinguishes them and puts them back in their respective place—and I take one Red Delicious and one Granny Smith. The Red Delicious one is on my left hand, and the Granny Smith, on the right one. I go back to the scale, put the Granny Smith there, enter its code and print its sticker. I take it and…
"Eating healthy is overrated!" Ino-san yells. It seems they're arguing. Maybe I should do someting to distract them, something fun. "And, besides, I bet you won't even like how that shit will taste!
"Of course I will 'cause Sotoka-chan's gonna make it with her sacred hands, and fruits don't taste that bad!" Izumi-san yells, and sure, I guess I should do something to distract them, but what? Well, the best thing to do is stop thinking about it and just do something. "You should eat 'em tho! Maybe if u do u'll grow up a litt—
Without even thinking, I approach Izumi-san and put the Granny Smith's sticker on her mouth.
Everyone look at me surprised.
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Ino-san the laughs.
"That's what you get, Izumi!"
Izumi-san takes the sticker off her mouth and smiles. Then, she puts it on Hamano-san's cheek.
"Sugoi desu, there's a Sotoka-chan on sale! I'll buy her!"
Ino-san keeps laughing, so Hamano-san takes the sticker off her cheek and puts it on Ino-san's mouth.
Ino-san immediately takes it off.
"Yuck, it's filled with Izumi spit."
Izumi-san takes the sticker from Ino-san's hand, puts it in her mouth for a second, and then she runs towards Hamano-san.
"Let me 'stick' you a kiss, Sotoka-chan!"
"No!" Hamano-san runs away, and Izumi-san starts chasing her.
They both seem to have fun—so does that mean my action as 66.66% fun?
Ino-san takes some fruits from the cart and puts them one by one on the scale in order to print their respective stickers, puts one on each finger and, when she fills both her hands, approaches me, extends her hand as high as she can—maybe she's trying to put that sticker in my face, but she can't reach it—and ends up putting it in my sweater. She smiles faintly. Then, she reaches Hamano-san and puts all the stickers on her face.
"This is for that sticker you put on my face!"
Hamano-san laughs. Then Izumi-san reaches her too, puts a sticker on her face and hugs her. They all seem to have fun— so does that mean my action as 100% fun? Maybe. And maybe I should join them, but if I do, I'd only get stickers in the face, and I'd do the same thing to them, and maybe that'd get boring over time, according to Ino-san's logic, so I'd better do something else.
Well, before anything else, I take off Ino-san's sticker from my sweater and, wait, that gives me an idea. I walk to the scale and start to print stickers.
"You again?!" the security staff member from last time yells at Hamano-san, Izumi-san and Ino-san. "Get out! Now!"
I have to do something. I approach them.
"My most sincere apologies," I say and bow respectively. "We only need to pay for our shopping and we'll leave."
"No, I told you. You out, and you too. Come on."
"No, no, no, no, it's not their fault; it's mine," I say while I kneel and put my head on the floor. "I gave them the idea of putting stickers on their faces because I just wanted to be fun because I've never been that, and I bet I'm not even fun now, but—
Someone puts his/her hand on my shoulder.
Is Izumi-san.
She has stickers all over her face and hair.
"Shinpaishinaide, Khanna-san, and gomen'nasai, you're really fun. You made Sotoka-chan laugh, and for that arigatōgozaimashita."
"What?"
Izumi-san smiles and gives me a thumbs up. Then she takes off the stickers from her face…
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and she puts them all on the security staff member's face.
She immediately runs away, and the security staff member obviously goes after her.
"ANIME LIFE!" Izumi-san yells and gets out of sight.
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"And now what?" Ino-san asks. "We leave?"
"No, we're not abandoning Izumi-san," Hamano-san replies. "But we can buy her stuff and wait for her outside."
"And how are we gonna buy all that without Izumi's stickers?" Ino-san asks.
"I have them right… here" I say, unbutton my sweater and open it; I have stickers all over there. I take a few of them and put them in their faces.
They just look at me surprised.
It seems my action was 0% fun. Maybe that's because I did practically the same thing as before; the only difference in that I put them under my sweater beforehand.
And at the time I thought it was a good idea, but it seems not. Well, maybe being that impulsive won't always work, after all.
But what else I can do to be fun?
"Khanna-san, come on, let's go," Ino-san's snapping her fingers as closet o my face as she can—and for that she's extending her arm and stepping on her toes.
"Ok," I nod; then, we get the cart and head to the self-checkout.
-----------------------------------------
Total: ¥804,359.45
"I think I printed way more stickers than I should. I'm sorry," I say and bow respectively.
"Don't worry," says Hamano-san. "We only need to cancel the duplicated fruit."
"And how are we going to pay?" Ino-san asks Hamano-san. "Izumi gave you a credit card or something?"
"No," Hamano-san replies.
"Let's go then," Ino-san says.
And we leave.
"I'm sorry," I tell them, "The fact Izumi-san's not here to pay is my fault. Everything's my fault."
"Well, if you put it that way, yes, everything's your fault," Ino-san says.
"Ino!" Hamano-san scolds Ino-san; then she turns towards me and smiles. "Don't worry; we'll later buy all that stuff, and at least we had fun, right?
I smile.
"Yeah. I think so."
"Hey," Ino-san says. "Izumi wanted to buy some figures, right? Because those kids already took them from the cart."
We all look inside the supermarket, and indeed, some kids have Izumi-san's collectible figures.
"Hey, you, wait," Hamano-san yells while those kids go away, and we all go after them.