Joan: First Kiss

Joan : 14 years

I see rain drops dancing to the soft music from the muddy earth. The birds have returned to their nests for shelter. It was all in all a calm and serene atmosphere but my heart was in chaos.

Never in my wildest thoughts had I ever imagined that same genders could to fall in love. It was not the norm. It was always a boy and a girl. Never a girl and girl or boy and boy. I look at Liza confused. What she said didn't make any sense to me at all.

"Jo, let me ask you another question. How does a man and a woman make a baby anyway?" Liza smirks leaning in closer as though trying to read my face as I sat there frozen and puzzled not knowing how to react.

"Oh come on. I know all those things." I tell her shyly.

"Well then educate me". She smiles, leaning in closer . However her eyes seemed to tell a different story. She looked at me as though she wanted to eat me up.

"You really want me to say such things."

"Oh yeah." She smirks again biting her lips.

"Well, you know I've seen it in movies. You have to kiss a boy and uhh, you get a baby." I say blushing unable to make eye contact with her. She really had that capacity to make my body quiver.

"What? That's how you make a baby?" Liza was on the cold floor rolling and  laughing like crazy person and I felt really embarrassed.

"Well no you have to uhh sleep. You know right. Don't make me say such things, Liz." I tell her slightly hitting her hands. As she was lying on the floor her skin had gotten cold.

"Hey get up. You might get sick. The floor is ice cold." I tell her trying to pull her by her sweater.

"No leave me. I like this. I like to feel the cold floor beneath my warm body or if you really want to help me out will ya? " she says raising an eye brow.

"How ?"

"Like this."

Liza pulls me by my hand and I went crashing into her chest. I tried my best to pull away but she kept cuddling me hard.

"Hey. That's not fair. Leave me idiot."

"No. No.NO"

After sometime I decided to give up. It was futile going against her. I lay her on her chest; my hands curled around her neck. I could hear her heart beat hitting a higher note.

"Hey...are you okay? Your heart seems to be beating really fast." I ask her concerned.

"That's because a beautiful girl is lying on top of me." She laughs.

"I see."  I tell her trying to hold my laugh. I didn't want to respond anything further. I was thoroughly enjoying the sound of her heart beating against my ears.

"Don't you know about the birds and the bees." Liza smirks.

"Huh?"

Turns out. I didn't. Liza gave me a class on how babies were made in a really not so subtle manner and the next thing I know I was traumatized. New terms. New knowledge. New fears. Innocense shattered and the door to adulthood got opened.

"That's how it works ? You have to do THAT? O my God, won't that hurt? Ahh ewwwwwww. I don't want to make babies." I tell her almost shaking up in fear.

"Oh my poor baby. You are a baby, Jo." Liza says cupping my shivering face with her warm hands.

"So what's LGBT then? How do they do it". I ask her puzzled.

"Well, you are really innocent Jo. I don't wanna tell you about that now. Maybe some other day. Okay?" Liza says smiling. I don't know why, but I loved her smile. It stirred up feelings in me. Feelings that I've never felt before. I was addicted to it. Her smile was my drug.

" I love it when you smile Liz. "I tell her blushing.

" What is love according to you Jo? Tell me. " Liza says looking up at the grey clouds as though lost in a trance.

" Well love is happiness. If feel happy with a person, then that means you're in love with that person. " I tell her trying to read her eyes for answers.

Liza turned her head towards my direction and then asked, " Are you happy when you're with me?"

"Yeah, I'm really really happy when I'm with you Liz". I tell her excitedly  wiggling my body.

Liza kept looking at the sky. She remained silent as though she was spacing out. I noticed the tears that was starting to take form under her curved eyelashes. If only I could read her mind. If only she told me what hurt her. If only she were truly opened up to me.

If only she were truly mine.

Liza let out a sigh and turned her head, facing me. Her gaze locked with mine. I saw specks of stardust in them, combined with those glittering tears, she looked like a blue blood princess. We stared at each other in an odd way as if we were in a silent argument. Then, I felt something warm touch my right cheeks close to my jawline sending blushes along my neck.

Liza leaned in to kiss me, with her soft fingers wrapped around the nape of my neck. "Does that mean you love me?", Liza whispers against my ears, her voice low and almost husky.

I sat there frozen unable to give an answer. I felt like my skin was set on fire and my heart was beating like crazy against my chest. " Do you love me?". Liza teased, this time placing her soft lips on my left cheeks. My breathing quickened and my tongue went numb. I couldn't utter a single word.

Then she leaned in closer, so close that I could count her eye lashes and whispered, "Do you? Joan?".The sound of her voice merged with that of the rain drops to create newfound sensations in my ears. Then she moved away, bursting out into laughter, "Oh God you monkey, I was just teasing you."

I didn't respond. I sat there speechless trying to comprehend what was happening to my body. My heart was still beating like crazy.

" Hey!!! I didn't kiss your lips. You must save that for your true love. Okay?". Just then Liza's mom came up searching for us. I saw Liza's smile fade away in an instant hearing her mom's voice.

" Kids I've kept some snacks out here. Make sure to eat them okay."

"Yes aunty. Thank You."

"Hey. Let me go get the snacks. I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."  She says her lips curving into a smile but her seemed to tell a whole other story. We sat there on the cold ceramic floor, hugging each other while glancing at the grey sky. My heart couldn't handle the pain of letting her go but I wanted to stay strong for her.

Later that evening before I was about to leave, I  glance at Liza one last time. I didn't know when and how and where, I'll meet her again. She was going away. She might find new people and she might even find love but Liza would always be my guardian angel. The one who rescued me when I went through the toughest days.

"Liza"

"Yeah?"

"I love You."

"I love you More Jo. "

She smiles. I smile. Eyes in tears. Heart aching.

Finally we part ways.