Liza: Realisation

Liza: 14 years

These feelings I had towards Joan were more than friendship. Catching feelings for your best friend was not something new, but in my case my best friend was a girl.

I didn't know if two girls could even fall in love or if they were allowed to.I had not even once heard of two women or two men getting married. That was not the norm in the society. It was always a man and a woman. They get married and then they have children.

Curiosity....I wanted to know everything. If I was abnormal for liking my girl best friend. If love between same genders were possible. So just like everyone , I turn to the internet for answers.

At the search box, I type in, 'I am a girl but I have feelings for my best friend who is a girl like me' and click enter. Then I wait patiently for the page to load. I click on the first link that came up. One word caught my attention. LGBT. I search up the word and it finally dawned on me. I was normal afterall.

LGBT is an initialism that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender. The LGBT community celebrate pride, diversity, individuality, and sexuality. It was a counterbalance movement to heterosexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, sexualism, and conformist pressures that exist in the larger society.

New terms.

New knowlege.

The door to a whole new world was opened right before me.

Finally I was able to come to the conclusion that sexuality was a broad spectrum and it didn't just imply that everything had to be heterosexual. Even in nature, homosexual behavioral traits were seen in certain animals. It was just the way of nature. Born different yet still the same.

I thought liking my girl best friend was something abnormal. Turns out, I wasn't. There were more people like me out there. There might be people like me in my class, afraid to speak out the truth. Hiding their true sexuality and living a false life.

Times are changing... No ...people are changing... Challenging the society's rules and norms....revolution was on the way...a new world governed by love...No stereotyping...only love...It's all love...Love has no religion, borders, cultural differences or genders...

I wanted to test out this new knowledge and discover my real sexuality. I look over at the posters stuck on my walls. They were of singers, idols, actors, dancers most of them belonging to the male category. It was confusing but I wanted to keep trying.

Next day at school, I started observing everyone in the class. The girls and the boys. I wasn't feeling anything in particular towards both genders but I found myself aligning towards the boys. I didn't feel anything particularly attractive about most girls either but I did find some of them cute.

Then I look at Joan. She was lying down on the desk, doodling on her notebook. I gaze at her closely observing her face. I felt my heart beat erratically fast against my chest. Her full pink lips, almond eyes, long curved lashes, straight nose, chubby pink cheeks, fair skin. I wanted it all. I was bewitched by her.

"Is something on my face?" Joan asks me brushing her face.

"Yes "

"Huh? what is it?"

"Beauty.....I was just admiring your beautiful face dear." I smirk.

"Ahh you ..." Joan smacks my hand playfully and goes back to scribbling on her notebook.

It was just her....My heart fluttered only for her.....

That's when I realised the truth...

I had fallen in love with her.... My Joan...