Chapter 12: I am not a captain, not a human and certainly not a hero

Tracer and Jaguar have been at sea for a few hours. Tracer was on top of the lookout, eyes closed, feeling the wind in her hair. She opened her eyes again and exhaled gasping. She looked down and shouted:

"HEY JONAS!"

"YES?"

"How do I get down from here?"

"Do you see the hook on the rope? Jump on it and hold on tight."

She jumped forward and held on tight, at full speed, she fell to the ground. Until the rope tightened, she let go and rolled to the ground.

"Wow, that was fun." she shouted as she jumped up.

Jaguar had to laugh.

"Hey, can I steer the ship?" she asked.

"A ship is not a plane, Lena."

"Oh, no. I was one of the best pilots in the Air Force," she said proudly.

"How humble.... All right. But don't say I didn't warn you." he said somewhat grudgingly.

10 minutes later:

The sun was shining clouds away on the clear blue waters of the sea. Everything seemed quiet.

But suddenly the tides parted and a metal spike stuck out of the water. A metal hull followed its connection. On this same hull lay two soaked figures coughing water from their lungs.

The taller of the two stood up and turned to the other who was still coughing.

"Well...that wasn't supposed to happen," Jaguar said in his typical rough voice.

"I'm sorry," coughed Tracer.

It took a few minutes for Jaguar to get the ship working again. Tracer sat on the stairs leading down to the hull and had her head on one hand. Jaguar stepped beside her.

"Hey, don't take it so hard. It happens to almost everybody the first time."

"No. It's not just that," she replied. "it's just that, I just... I feel like I'm failing everything. Since....since that thing with Mondatta."

"Yes, I have heard about that." He sat down next to her and put his fingers together. "You know? If there's one thing I learned in the jungle, it's how to deal with defeat."

She looked at him questioningly, and he went on.

"The life of a predator consists mainly of defeats. Out of ten attempts at hunting, usually only one is successful. But did I just lie down to starve? No. I got up and tried again. Here, I'll show you something" said the blown man and pulled up his shirt. He showed her a scar that was almost three inches long, on his side.

"You know what that was?"

"No."

"A wild boar. A big bloody one at that. When I was 12, we had a big drought. There were hardly any animals left, and there was no fruit. Out of hunger and a little bit of desperation, I attacked a herd of wild boar. I jumped one on its back and kept hitting its body with my claws. Then suddenly another came running, took me on his tusks and threw me against a tree."

"Ouch," said Tracer. "And then what did you do?"

"I took refuge in a tree and rested for a while. But I had injured the wild boar, so I waited until I could move again and then followed the trail. That took 2 days, but the injured animal was weakened in the meantime and was left behind by the others. So I hunted it and had the first real food for the first time in 8 days.

My point is, you have to accept that you can't win every time. But you know what you can do better now."

"...Yeah...you're right. No use feeling sorry for myself. Thank you," she said, standing up and stepping to the accompaniment, her hands on her hips.

"Good. Now let me show you how to sail! And let's have some food," she said with a grin.

"Good. But no boar," Tracer said, and they both burst out laughing.

"I bet that was hard for you. Growing up in the jungle all alone."

"Well, it was pretty lonely, yeah. But then again, it was never boring. There was always something new to discover and new adventures. You could say I had the biggest game room in the world."

Tracer had to smile.

Jaguar showed her how to hold the wheel and then carefully feel the wind. Without him knowing it, he put his hand on hers. Tracer noticed, but she didn't mind and after a while she started to enjoy it.

After a few hours, the ship stopped.

"We'll stop here and spend the night. It's not advisable to sail at night, and we'll be in Tokyo by morning."

"But Null Sector too." Tracer said emphatically.

"Tokyo has certainly been evacuated already. Don't worry."

"I've been thinking, Jaguar. It might be better if I reported your request to Overwatch."

"Why?"

"Well, because... They trust me, I'm one of their top agents. And you're a... a..."

"A what?" he said aloud in his raspy voice. Which made Tracer flinch.

"A... a..."

"Criminal?" he stepped up to her and Tracer took a startled step back. "A freak? Monster? Is that what you were gonna say?... SAY IT... you think you'd be the first? I'm used to that, but you of all people, I expected more."

He raised his hand and showed his claws. Reflexively, Tracer pulled her pulse pistols, but she regretted the decision immediately.

"I knew it," he said, disappointed and turning away. "You see, I am a mutant. I came out of the lab, but I was never ashamed of who I am... until today. Tomorrow we'll be in Tokyo and then we'll part ways."

Without turning around again, he went into his cabin.

Tracer hid her face behind her hands. "Why do I always have to mess everything up?"

...........

Jaguar had not left his cabin and Tracer walked restlessly up and down the ship. Then she saw a book beside the steering wheel. "Jaguar's logbook" was written on the cover. She was far too curious, so she started reading.

Two hours later:

Tracer closed the book and put her hands in her face again.

"I'm such an idiot. I gotta make things right," she said to herself.

She went up to his cabin and knocked. There was no answer, so she opened the door and came in. The cabin, had a big bed, a big desk with a globe and several navigation devices and a huge window where Jaguar sat and looked out.

"Leave me alone," he said quietly, but a little absent-mindedly.

"No! I'm staying here until you listen to me," she said defiantly and sat on the bed with her arms crossed.

She was about to say something, but he cut her off.

"Why am I doing all this?" he said. Tracer was amazed.

"Why do I keep risking my life for others? I've been hunted and rejected my whole life, but still I do all these things. Why?"

"Because you're a good person," Tracer said.

Jaguar remained silent for a moment. "...Most people would disagree... I'm not a captain. ...not a human and certainly not a hero."

"THIS IS NOT TRUE!" cried Tracer. "Yes it's true, you are a bit scary and yes, at first I thought you were a beast too. But that's not true. You have helped so many people and done so much good."

"So you did read my logbook."

"Yes, and I'm sorry I got the wrong impression of you. But think about it: "This is Sabrina and Pia, who wouldn't have met without you, and for whom you were like a big brother. Hyx, who you saved from execution, and Lily, who Talon probably would have used as a weapon. But you welcomed her and took care of her and Gede and she are a really cute couple," she finished with a giggle.

Jaguar had to smile too. "Yes, they are. They say you have many adventures as a pirate, but no one tells you that you have to babysit a bunch of crazies," he said, still smiling.

Jaguar stood up and sat down next to her.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," she said calmly.

"It didn't hurt me, but the look in your eyes. It was full of fear and loathing. I don't want to be looked at like that anymore."

Lena grabbed his cheeks and turned his head towards her.

"And what do my eyes say now," she said.

"...kindness and very much joy... You have very beautiful eyes."

Without another word, she pressed her lips to his. He was surprised for a moment, but then he returned the kiss and put his arms around her. With verve, Lena threw them both on the bed and separated their lips again. Then she laid her head on his chest.

"I am afraid Jonas."

"I am too. But then we have to take care of each other."

Lena snuggled up against him.

"Oh. And you know what?" she said.

"What?"

"You have pretty eyes, too."

They both laughed and he wrapped his arms around her.