Julian 1.5

He packed up our tiny picnic area and joined me at the backseat of his car.

"You first," I said hesitantly.

"Okay. So, I went back home to take more clothes and check up on the house after dropping you off to school. Everything went well, I packed my shirts in my bag, I even took a shower. I went to the laundry room before I went back to my car.

"I was looking for my lucky shirt to give to you cos I thought you would appreciate the black shirt more than me, but it wasn't in my closet. So, I figured it would be in the drier. I packed it in my bag and made my way to the driveway," his gaze became dark.

"And?" I asked.

"My dad had come back early from his hospital duty and saw my car. He ran in the house yelling for me. He told me that my grandma had been hospitalized the previous night. Her condition was getting worse with time. She might only have a few days to live. Her dying wish was to spend her last moments back in her village."

"So, what's the problem?"

"My dad had been prohibited from flying due to his heart condition. And she couldn't return alone. To make matters worse, my dad is her only son. No one else could accompany her home."

"He asked you to go with her?"

"Yeah, I told him that she barely recognized me even though I spent most of my childhood in her house in Nice. Then he promised me that if I do this favor for him, he would give his part of the inheritance to me. On one other condition.

"My dad's family had come from a long line of doctors. It was only time until he would ask me to continue the family tradition. But I wasn't gifted nor passionate about it. I would never give up my love for art. I was saving up money to open up my own gallery when I finished my bachelors."

"He asked you to take a degree on medicine?"

"No, he knew I would want that inheritance badly. So, he had a great idea of sending me to Paris College of Art to finish my degree. It was his way of punishing me," he clenched his fist.

"But you only have a few more months to go right? And it would be nice to experience the university life there," I put my hand on his fist.

"No, I need to restart the whole thing. He knew my college here would mean nothing there. I knew he resented me."

"Oh, why are you so upset though? I thought you loved to meet new people and experience life to the fullest."

"I love my life here. My life finally felt stable and controlled for once. You know how long it took me to figure myself out. I've met so many friends and lived through so much to find my own path. He knew I almost made enough to afford the down payment of my own studio and I would leave him. He needed a way to still control me; just like he did my mom."

"Hey, look at me. This might be a good thing. You go and finish your degree, gather more knowledge, earn the inheritance legally, and move back here to open your studio without installments. The cultural exchange could be an inspiration for your future art. And you love people," I held his chin to see his eyes.

"I do love people," he smiled weakly.

"And wine," I laughed with my hand on his warm boozy cheek.

"And wine," he laughed along.

At that moment, everything felt right. Even though it felt soul-crushing to hear that your first ever crush was moving away to a new country for their aspiration. But he was never mine to begin with. And I guess I should be happy for him. Jake and I would manage.

"Sorry, the alcohol makes me babble. Thanks for comforting me though. I really appreciate it."

"My pleasure," I smiled.

"And you're right. Even though I would miss my friends and a special someone, I'm doing for my future and it would take two years at most."

"Yeah, special someone," I repeated quietly.

Suddenly the alcohol hit me like a baseball bat to my head. Soft, warm tears rolled down my face as I felt my heart ache. I looked down to avoid his gaze.

"Did I say something wrong? Hey, are you crying?" he lifted my chin.

"I guess you have made a special connection with Stella," I mopped.

"Stella? What are you talking about?" he slid closer.

"I know I'm not as pretty or popular or fun as other people. But I tried. I'm sorry I made you waste your time with me when you could've spent it partying. At least now you wouldn't have to drive me home anymore. I bet you enjoyed driving her home better. She's a pleasant company. She deserved your jacket and handkerchief more than I ever will."

"Handkerchief?" his face was confused.

"She told me that you lent it to her, and you drove her home after you dropped me off. It's ok, I'm not angry. I don't blame you either. It would've been nicer if you had told me," tears ran down my cheeks again.

"I met her in the hospital when I visited my grandma. My dad made me visit her every day after I dropped you home. I stumbled upon her once near a restroom. I had just finished washing my hands; the handkerchief must've fallen off. I really thought I lost it.

"She said hi and I told her I needed to get back to my grandma. Her eyes honestly creeped me out. I didn't think much of it and I didn't want to be a distraction for you. I know how important the result of this exam is for you. I'm sorry," now he was the one holding on my cheeks.

My face looked like a mess with tears and salt water from my hair. So, Stella was lying about it to make me jealous. And the weird scent from his jacket and handkerchief was from the hospital. I was consumed by emotion that I couldn't distinguish it. Now I was just making a scene and became overwhelmed by my own bottled up feelings. He didn't have feelings for her after all.

"Hey, say something. Please," he looked worried.

"I think I like you," my blurry eyes met his.

He pulled me in a hug, "Oh, come here princess. I was thinking if I should just leave without saying goodbye to spare myself from the pain. I wanted to spend tonight with you without mentioning anything about. But I thought that it would be wrong to leave you like that. I didn't think you would share the same feeling."

"What?" my voice muffled by his shirt.

"I know I've spent a week flirting with such a clueless and difficult girl. But I didn't think you were that clueless. I like you too, idiot," he wiped the tear off my face and held me in his embrace.

Memories of his small hints flashed in my mind. I had been so oblivious to the painfully obvious fact before my eyes. I couldn't rub the dumb grin on my face during the ride home.

He decided that it would be safer if he drove us home. The cool wind had made me sleepy and I fell into a deep slumber while leaning on the car door. I woke up to Nancy pouncing on my leg in my bed and Julian had made it halfway out of my room.

"Stay with me," I called to him.

"What about your parents? Or Jake?" he whispered.

"Neither would be in the house until noon. You can take Nancy home in the morning."

"Okay," he walked over and hugged me under the blanket.

I woke up to him kissing me on the forehead before leaving my room with the dog. It almost felt like a fever dream as I fell back to sleep from exhaustion. And that was the last time I ever saw him. My first and most memorable crush.