Ch95. Promotion?

"Then act like it, you old crippled washed-up has-been!"

"How dare you! I've been working hard for the well-being of Konoha way before you were even born!" Danzo exclaimed, offended by Ren's words.

For somebody so vehemently advocating that ninjas need to stay emotionless, Danzo was a very emotional man under his veneer of cold facade.

"Huh. Interesting point." Ren curiously tilted his head. "I have yet to see you do anything impressive or helpful for Konoha. But I am young and might be ignorant. Care to share what amazing things you have accomplished in your life?"

"..."

That made Danzo speechless. He couldn't exactly share his exploits because most of them were pretty much highly illegal. And just as he was about to say that he had sacrificed his eye and arm for Konoha as its ninja, Ren mockingly spoke before he could open his mouth.

"No? Thought so."

Danzo gnashed his teeth. "The things I do need to stay secret for the greater good of the village. You don't possess a high enough rank to know about them, chunin."

With a snort, Ren raised his eyebrow at him. "Figures. And does the Hokage possess such a rank?" 

"..."

And once again, Danzo was caught flat-footed, staying silent in dismay for a moment because he really had nothing to say to that.

Ren didn't let him think and took his silence as a denial when he gave Danzo an unimpressed look and said, "And you want to accuse me of treason? Really? Pot calling kettle black much?"

"Don't put words in my mouth. Without me, Konoha would have fallen long ago." Danzo rebuked, and Ren noticed how Hiruzen's lips twitched, and the man lost quite a bit of his amusement.

That was a very egotistical thing to say.

Konoha has been throwing its ninjas into the meat grinder in pretty much every single war. To say that Danzo was responsible for the village's survival sounded as if he was disregarding their sacrifice.

Ren wasn't sure if Danzo realized that in the heat of the moment. But instead of going at him through that angle, he just couldn't help himself and had to poke at the arrogant thing Danzo had just said.

"Oh, I am sure Onoki in Iwa is shaking in his boots upon hearing your title 'Shinobi of Darkness'. The Yellow Flash who?"

Rolling his eyes, Ren scoffed. "No, some cowardly old wannabe whose Bingo Book title is so edgy that you could kill S-rank ninjas with that edge is obviously what keeps the demons at bay."

He then crossed his arms on his chest and smiled at Danzo, who was coldly looking at him. Seeing that the old man was about to reply, Ren hurried to speak again. "Did you choose the title when you were still a delusional preteen? And how much did it cost you to get the Bingo Book printers to put it under your name?"

Unfortunately, Danzo didn't react as much to that last series of insults as Ren hoped. Instead, Danzo regained his calm and fired back.

"Better than Ren the Stoner." He mockingly said. And for a moment, Ren opened his mouth to quip something back, but then his mind registered what Danzo insinuated.

"What did you just say?" Ren asked, feeling as if somebody punched him so hard he lost his breath. It stopped Ren's mind completely in its tracks, showing Danzo's vast experience when it came to shit talking.

"Danzo, I think it would be wiser for you to leave." Hiruzen, seeing that Ren was completely caught off guard, decided to intervene before Danzo could press with some other brutal verbal attack.

He knew best how this kind of revelation felt. After all, he was known far and wide as the Shitflinger.

Sometimes, he really regretted using the horde of monkey summons against Iwa troops in the Second War.

"You are not going to attain any sort of victory here, old friend." Hiruzen continued, knowing that Danzo hated being called 'an old friend' by him.

Truth be told, he was doing it on purpose these days. It was one of his guilty pleasures in his old age. 

Hearing Hiruzen's words, Danzo gripped his cane tighter and turned toward him. "Hiruzen. Why are you not reprimanding your ninja for the blatant disrespect he shows me? You should keep your subordinates in line." He sternly uttered, only for Hiruzen to give him a curious look.

"So, should I reprimand you for the blatant disrespect you have shown me?"

"..."

For the third time that hour, Danzo had nothing to say back, and Hiruzen enjoyed every millisecond of his speechlessness.

His 'old friend' loved to yap about drastic measures this or that, all the time, again and again. Moments when he was genuinely speechless were a precious commodity. If he could, Hiruzen would make a Danzo Silence Day into a village-wide celebration. That's how annoyed he was at times.

"My actions saved this village countless times during the wars. You know it." Danzo seethingly defended himself, but Hiruzen just casually shrugged one shoulder and waved his remark off.

"Eh, it was more of a team effort."

Ren, who used the time when Danzo and Hiruzen bantered to recover from the emotional damage he had sustained, chuckled. "And that, right there, is the reason why he is the Hokage." He said, simply because he knew it would piss Danzo off.

But he was half-serious. Hiruzen was simply better at taking credit for the achievements of others. Like, he was still regarded as the strongest Hokage by the younger generations because that's what they learn in the academy.

A bit sus, no?

Hiruzen locked his eyes with Danzo, a playful smile on his lips as he enjoyed how his old friend straightened up. If anything, he had his body language down pat by now and despite his still stone-cold facade, Hiruzen could say that Danzo was pissed.

Naturally, he decided to add some oil to that burn as he leisurely puffed on his pipe with a lazy smile. "I am Hokage, indeed."

For a few seconds, Danzo just stood there, looking lost as his eyes traveled between Hiruzen and Ren, thinking about what to say back. But then he realized he would be having no victories here. Not now.

"I see. Excuse me, then. I have work to do." He decided to cut his losses and retreat as he reaffirmed his decision to get rid of Ren. The young chunin was giving Hiruzen back his courage. That wouldn't do.

Now, if only his forces were still not in shambles...

Danzo finally left the Hokage office, shutting the door behind him with a loud bang, and Ren shared a conspiring smile with Hiruzen for a moment.

This might not be a Chinese cultivation world, but face and honor were still important in the Japanese-like culture prevalent over here.

So, naturally, the art of thick skin was supreme in this world!

"That was fun." Hiruzen let out a relaxed sigh, an amused smirk decorating his well-aged face as he lightly shook his head. "Still, it might not have been the wisest course of action, Ren. You made a dangerous enemy on this day." He cautioned Ren, who huffed but nodded in understanding.

But he had way more important issues to deal with. "More importantly... Ren the Stoner?" He gave the Hokage a meaningful look, but Hiruzen only chortled and handed Ren the newest Bingo Book from his table, already opened on the page with Ren's entry.

"Here. It's what Kumo calls you." He said with a knowing smirk as Ren stared at the page in horror when he said that they really called him 'Ren the Stoner'.

'I am going to raze that god-damned cloud-worshipping village to the ground.'

Here, he thought Ren the Salty Ninja was bad. And Ino enjoyed her punishment in the bedroom for spreading that title very much.

But there would be no hanky-panky punishment for A for this travesty. No. Ren decided this needed drastic measures. For a brief moment, he considered learning One Thousand Years of Death from Kakashi. But that was a cognitohazard trap. He shuddered as he almost got caught in it.

He wouldn't be sticking his fingers into some other dude's ass. No way!

"Oh, don't look so put off." Hiruzen tried to cheer him up. "Onoki will be jealous."

Of course, he had to smugly remind Ren that Kumo was not the only issue for him anymore.

"Iwa will want to kill me." Ren's eyes widened as he had that realization.

Hiruzen nodded. "That was probably the point in giving you that title." He chuckled. "But it kinda fits, doesn't it?"

Ren took a deep breath, ignoring the annoying old man. Maybe letting Kaguya have this world would not be so bad, after all? It was preferable to Ino learning about his new title and-

"Naturally, I have already informed Miss Yamanaka and Miss Hyuga about the change of your status. You don't need to thank me." Hiruzen, able to read what Ren was probably thinking from his expression, informed Ren about his helpful actions with a barely hidden glee.

Ren visibly winced. Ino was going to be insufferable for the coming week. At least Hinata would only giggle here and there behind his back.

"The Shitflinger." 

Seeing that Hiruzen was a bit too happy, Ren reminded him about his own unofficial title with a twitching eye. He should not throw stones from his fragile glass house. But Hiruzen didn't even flinch and took it calmly like a champ.

He was too old to be provoked by some young brat, after all.

Instead, he decided to progress the discussion. He was a busy man, and the paperwork, unfortunately, waited for no man. "Anyway, I think you deserve a promotio-"

"I refuse!" Ren exclaimed before Hiruzen could finish his sentence.

"Excuse me?" Hiruzen frowned with a slow, owlish blink.

"No promotion." Ren crossed his arms in front of his chest to emphasize his point, "I am happy where I am, thank you very much. I don't need additional responsibilities."

Plus, he really didn't want to get dragged into Hiruzen's sphere of influence. With his latest exploit, Ren firmly entered the 'up-and-coming talented ninja' category. And he was a civilian-born ninja with no set-in-stone allegiances.

He could already see all the various political factions in the village drooling while looking at him, wishing to take a bite.

No. He really didn't need a Jonin promotion to muddy the waters more. There were benefits to being mostly unaffiliated.

As for the promotion itself…

Some people might say that with the Jonin rank, he would have gotten more privileges, but Jonins were rare. They were always busy. Always on some mission for the village. 

Ren quite liked his free time, however. The eternal genin dude knew what he was doing, and Ren decided to follow his example. Konoha needed its eternal chunin!

Well, it had several thousands of them, but that was beside the point.

"Are you sure?" Hiruzen asked with a dissatisfied voice. That wasn't the answer he wanted to hear, but Ren's expression was not budging.

"Very." Ren firmly nodded.

"Hmmm. You could be a Jonin instructor of Ino and Hinata if you took the promotion, you know?" Hiruzen blatantly tried to bribe Ren. "They are going to graduate soon if I am not wrong." 

"Nah. They need interactions and bonding with their peers." Ren shook his head, trying to bullshit his way out of this. Besides, he didn't want to get stuck with Naruto under his care.

If he learned anything in this meeting, it was that Hiruzen was enough of a troll to do exactly that to him.

Say what you will about the blonde menace, and Ren honestly liked the kid, but one thing was certain. He attracted trouble like some sort of weird yellow magnet. To save the world from Kaguya, Ren would first have to survive until that point. And Naruto was a health hazard he would wish only on a bastard like Kakashi.

They deserved each other.

"Such a Will of Fire." Hiruzen dryly deadpanned before sighing. "Well, fine. I can't exactly promote you against your will." He sullenly grumbled. "Now, get out. I have work to do."

---

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