Chp.22

That morning.When I found that piece of paper. When Sophie was behind me…

"You know, don't you?" I say, my heart forcing its way out of my body.

"I know what?" She replies with a question. But I get the answer. I do.

"You saw the list in my hands. You wrote that you knew." I look at the book but don't ask the next question forming in my mind.

She shrugs, which is a yes.

My eyes keep on moving towards the book. And I keep trying to look away, "How did you get this book?"

She doesn't respond. She looks at it too, speaking up,

"Isn't it weird that it doesn't have a name for the author?"

If she's stalling, then it isn't working for me.

"How did you get this book?" I say, curtly.

"Isn't it weirder that no one ever bothered to even ask who the author is?" She ignores me completely. That makes me more heated. The more she talks, the less it feels like she's talking to me.

"How did you get the bloody book, Sophie?" I ground my teeth, digging my nails so hard in my palms that it feels like they'll bleed any second.

"I read it, of course, and some parts are very-"

"Tell me how you got the book!" I pound a fist on the table, making everyone jump in shock.

I don't even realize I did it until I, well, done it. I stare at my fist with wide eyes, clenched so tight that my knuckles are white.

"Hey, Wells!" Calls out a kid. "What's your problem, huh? Can't you go outside or something?"

We ignore him, but I still mumble a "sorry" to them.

I remove my hand from the table, pretending to have an itch on my neck. My body feels hot all over with embarrassment and fear.

We stay silent till everyone gets back to what they're doing. I look down at my feet, whispering, no energy left anymore.

"How did you get it? Please. Answer me…"

She looks up and sighs, "I got it from the library, Lukas. How else am I supposed to-?"

"No," I shake my head, hissing, "No, It can't be. You're lying. I never returned this book so how can you have it right here?"

"Are you saying that I somehow stole it from you?" She assumes, angrily.

I scoff, "Oh no. How can I ever blame you? The one who never told me she knew more then anyone. The girl who could have – I don't know – supported me with all that was happening. How can I possibly think you as a suspect?"

She scowls, "If you don't believe me, then go ahead, ask the librarian. Surely she'll know who returned it to her."

I get on my feet before she could say any further, grabbing the book and walking towards the librarian, working away on her counter. Sophie follows me, even when I don't want her to.

The librarian – I don't know her name – smiles at me.

"Hello." She says, "How can I help you?"

"I want to know who returned this book." I say, cutting to the chase, placing the book on the counter.

She frowns. "That I'll have to check."

"I don't mind." I reply, crossing my arms.

She starts typing on her computer, scrolling and clicking.

Sophie's got a scowl on her face but she's holding in whatever she feels like saying.

"Ahh."The librarian smiles. "Here it is."

"Great," I lean forward, trying to get a better look but fail.

She squints her eyes before reading the name. "It's…It's someone called…Lukas Wells. Yes, that's it. He returned this."

"What?!" I yell, taken aback.

Sophie places her hands on her hips, rolling her eyes.

The librarian frowns, "Is anything the matter?"

"I didn't." Is all what I can say.

I look at Sophie, shaking my head, "You gotta believe me. I didn't give the book."

And my heart is sinking because it's all coming back. All that confusion is coming back. All those things, that madness, I've escaped is rushing in.

I need to get out of here. I need to get out before things get any worse. Without saying another word, I run towards the exit. Ignoring Sophie who keeps on calling my name.

I can't go back. I can't. Not after all that happened.

Please don't make me go back. I won't be able to bear it. Not this time.

I don't know how long I keep on running. But I don't stop. Crossing the busy roads, past the people and the streets. But I still don't stop. I run because it gives me a relaxing sensation. That makes me forget the stress. Forget everything. I only stop when I reach the park. No one comes here, so it's more or less abandoned. Because it's in the corner of New Jean, right next to the forest. The trees overgrew, shadowing everything in it, leaving the grass brown and the whole place eerie looking. That's the reason I chose to stop in it. No one will come here.

I sit down in the murky grass, rubbing the sweat off my face and licking my dry lips, leaning against a thick-trunk tree. The afternoon sun's hidden because of the dense trees, making the whole area colder than the whole town, I reckon.

I wrap my arms around my knees, pulling them close to me, resting my head on them, taking in deep breath, exhausted.

"I can't…I can't." I keep repeating, even when I have no idea what I'm talking about.

I let myself sink in the silence, the only thing I can hear is my own breathing and suddenly I feel like sleeping.

The librarian said I returned the book. I did it. But that's impossible. It was gone. It was gone that day along with her diary. That day when all my proof disappeared.When things happened. Things I don't want to get into again. I frown, raising my head, a thought appearing in my head. I remember what mom told me. That I was awake when they arrived home. That I told them I was doing my homework or something. Those things never happened. That person wasn't me.

But whoever it was, they managed to fool my parents. Just like this person fooled the librarian. But how? Are we that similar? Do we look so alike that it's hard for them to tell it's me?

But I know it isn't me. I didn't return that stupid book.

"I didn't do it…" I mutter, staring off into space.

"Didn't do what?" It's a voice that makes me jump.

I turn my neck so quickly that it hurts. My eyes widen.

I didn't expect him to be here.

Not so soon. Not after we just talked a day ago.

It's Josh.

"Josh?" I say, "What are you doing here?"

"Could've asked the same thing to you." He replies, his face covered with the black shadows as he sits down next to me.

I shake my head, "I was just… thinking."

"Why here?" He inquires, tearing the rough grass.

"I always hang out here." I lie.

There's a long pause before Josh says, "No, you don't."

"Huh?" I frown, looking at him.

He shrugs, "You don't hang out here." He's not even asking.

"How the hell are you so sure?" I snap. But I can't help it. I want to be alone. I don't want to talk to anyone. Not even him.

"Because I come here every day." He answers. I look at him, my eyebrows raised, skeptically. So he adds, "To think." As if that explains everything.

"Oh." I still say.

He grabs a rock and throws it as far as he could. Probably wondering the same thing I am.

"Didn't expect to see you so soon." He mumbles, before I could.

"The feeling's mutual." I scoff.

"So you had your chat with Sophie or something?" He asks and even when he's trying to pretend that he's not, I can tell he sounds interested.

"Not like how I wanted it to be." I shake my head.

He throws another rock, aiming it at the top branch of the tree in front of us.

I groan, an unwanted thought growing in my head.

All these things happening. But it's only me who finds them strange. So does that make me crazy or the world crazy?

I lower my head on my knees.

Yep, I'm definitely the crazy one.

���What's wrong?" But Josh doesn't care, busily throwing stupid rocks.

"Not like you care." I mutter.

"Yeah but if you wanna-"

"This town's insane, man." I blurt out, waving my hands in frustration, "Nothing here makes sense anymore."

I grab a rock and shoot it in the air with all of my strength and a cry of exasperation, draining out the anger rising inside. It helped. I calm myself, taking a deep breath through my mouth. But I stop when I hear Josh sigh. And I couldn't help but think that it's a sigh of agreement.

I frown, facing him.

"You agree?"

He doesn't answer at once. But nods, tearing at the rough grass again.

"I'm shocked you realized that now." He says, quietly.

"Yeah, well." I roll my eyes at myself.

There's silence again. And I know something changed. Our silence speaks for us. This silence that's making us feel awkward. It's been a long time since he willingly talked to me. And now that he is, I don't want him to. I don't want anyone to talk to me. I don't want them to think I'm crazy.

"Why are we here?" Josh asks, suddenly. "Why are we talking to each other?"

I don't answer back. Because he's not asking me. He's asking himself.

"That's exactly what I wanted to ask."

But it's a different voice. It's not mine. It's not Josh's.

I know whose it is. Oh please don't let it be him. Not after what happened. Not again.

I didn't even realize that we both were standing on our feet now. Tension grows as he steps out of the darkness, and I see Josh shivering from the corner of my eyes.

Only then, I'm sure who it is.

It's Ander bloody Marsh.

"Told ya we'll meet again, Wells." He smirks.

I clench my fist in spite viciousness, my blood chasing already. I bury the rising fear, trying to dig out some rage instead.

His face is all dusty, so are his cloths. But he's still got his shark grin – which I really want to scratch off. I really really want to punch it off.

"I see you've been playing in a trash can now?" I sneer, "You're parents threw you away Ander?"

Josh swings his face at me, his eyes widen. But I see a hint of smile there too. Like he's impressed.

"You're a funny guy, Lukas," Ander taunts, "Funny how you're acting all brave when clearly I have the upper hand."

He takes a step forward. Josh takes a step back. I stand where I stand, unmoved.

"Upper hand?" I snort, "How's that?"

He motion at Josh, but his glare is still looking at me, "In case you forgot, Joshua's still here."

"And?" I let out a yawn, covering my mouth as I do, showing that I'm least interested.

I see that it bothers Ander. The fact that I'm making him say these things.

And I remember what Josh told me yesterday night. That he wants no part in whatever I'm doing. The look on his face shows that he wants to go from here.

He opens his mouth, but I raise my hand, stopping him, ��Let me tell you this, Josh wants to leave. So why don't you stop your blabbing for a moment?"

I turn to Josh and nod. So he leaves. Leaves me and Ander alone. To who knows what?

He hesitates, for a second, as if it's wrong to go. But after I give him a firm yet calm look, he goes alright. He runs. I guess he really doesn't want to get into this.

I glare at Ander, whose face is red. And even though adrenaline is shooting in my veins.And even though the memories of him always talking about Jesse are coming back to me. And even when all that rage of how I controlled my emotions is coming back to me, I still take a long breath, calming myself.

"You know what, Ander?" I say, "Even though I hate you.Even though I really despise you.I decided let's part ways. Let's never see each other's face again. That will end our… enmity or whatever. And even though I want to, I want to and bad, hit your face. I decided I'll forgive you. Isn't that good? Now, I'll be on my way. If you���ll-"

"How do you know?" He interrupts, impatiently, bored.

I frown, "I've no idea what you're talking about."

But I do. He's demanding me to tell him how I know his 'secret'. Which I don't.

"You seriously think I'll let you go so easily? After what you've done?" He snarls.

I clear my throat, "I haven't done anything. But tell you what? I'll leave right now, for you to… reflect on your pathetic life."

The way I'm acting, all bitter-sweet, I think it's really getting his nerves.

I shove my hands in my pockets, giving a smile. And I'm just about to leave when something happens. When he spits words out of his mouth.

"So how's your research going?" He asks, and I swear I feel him smiling at that.

My eyes growing, forgetting to breath for a moment, I look back at him, over my shoulder.

"What?"

He smirks, "You know, your research. The whole Jesse-is-innocent shit?"

"How the hell-?" I start but he already gives me the answer, as if he was prepared to.

"You know my secret, I know yours." He steps close. Too close. I could feel his hot and disgusting breath, almost making me gag. "And unlike you, I'm not gonna hide it. I'm sure the town wants to know what you're up to."

That hits the mark. That hits the mark, alright.

Without a second, without even thinking, I punch him hard on his face, with every power I've got. The blow was so fierce – even for me – that he falls on the ground. My knuckles hurt as I stare at him, gasping when I look at his swollen eye. Purple and closed.

And I'm shivering all over. What have I done? What have I done? This wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't!

How can I do this? How-?

Ander looks up at me. And I know what's coming next. I can imagine him throwing me on the ground. Hitting me again and again. And there's no one who'll stop him. Because we're all alone, just like he wanted.Because – like an idiot – I sent Josh on his way. And I'm too weak, too taken aback. I know I won't be able to fight back. I won't let myself.

I hold my breath as he stares at me. And I'm frozen in place. I can't run. And he's still looking and here it comes. He'll stand now and then-

My thoughts stop. Because now that I'm focusing on his look.

I swear it's a look of triumph.