Chp.23

"Lukas!" and I don't even need to turn and look at who it is. Because it's Mr. Walker.The only man who trusts me. But I doubt he'll now. Now that I'm standing with a quivering Ander on my feet. It's clear who the villain is for him.

He set me up. He bloody set me up and I fell right into his bloody trap.

Mr. Walker, rushes towards Ander, helping him get up. I'm watching. I'm watching all of this as Josh stands beside me. He's looking at me like he's disappointed. Like he's thinking that he knew he shouldn't have given me another chance.

My heart melts in guilt too. Everything was going perfectly smooth. Everything was going like I wanted it to. But I let my anger get the best of me. Damn me.

And Ander. I couldn't help but clench my fists as he acts all scared and hurt. And the way Mr. Walker fusses over him makes me want to look away to the ground.

He did this on purpose. He wanted me to tell Josh to leave. He knew Josh wouldn't fight but he will complain. And he probably brought the first person he saw. And he got me mad on purpose. He made me want to punch him so I'd look like the culprit. Was I really that easy to fool? It makes me flush with embarrassment.

"Are you alright, Ander?" Mr. Walker asks,his voice filled with concern.

But Ander ignores him, touching his eye gently, only to flinch in pain, not to mention an exaggerated cry of pain.

"Cut that off!" I snap, abruptly.

Mr. Walker gives me a warning stare, which is enough to make me shut up.

"Why would you do that?" Josh whispers so only I could hear.

I don't meet his eyes. I don't know why but I'm speechless.

Because I'm a fool. I'm a fool who the whole world is ruddy against.

"…I only came here to settle things." Ander's explaining things to Mr. Walker. Explaining lies.

And I still don't say anything. Because I know what's coming next. Even a fool, stupid, worthless, idiot like me knows what's coming next.

And I feel like the only thing I should do is run. Run away from here. Far away.Out of this town.Out of this insane town.

Mr. Walker isn't looking at me. Probably ashamed at me.Probably shocked at me. But I can't stand it. I can't stand the fact that he – the only person who actually likes me and believes me – doesn't want to be near me.

"What in the world happened, Lukas?" He whispers, so quiet that I barely hear it. I don't answer. Too speechless.

And it hurts. It hurts more than how Ander's eye is looking.

The way he's acting. The way he's sulking. It disgusts me. He disgusts me.

But what I don't understand. What I really am afraid to know. Is that how in the actual world did he know? How does he know? Damnit I can't-

I can't let anyone know. But he does. Was it that obvious? How many others know? Please don't let anyone else know. Not now, not now.

And I'm still not moving. Not moving as Ander gets up and decides to fight back, all of a sudden. Not moving when Mr. Walker stops him. Not moving as he keeps on yelling.

Because somehow, he knows. He bloody knows. And anything I'll do to him will end up as an advantage for him to tell everyone else.

The rest of the day was just a blur for me. Mr. Walker thought the right thing to do was to settle it in school. Ander's Dad – a chubby man with an almost grey beard – was called and so was mine. And they argued and argued. At some point, the principle and Mr. Walker had to calm them down. Because it was like they would get into a fight more severe than ours.

In the end, it was decided that I'll work for free in one of Mr. Marsh's shops. And then, in the summer program, Ander and I will be kept in a special watch. Which sucks. But during the whole time, the way Dad kept arguing, fighting and grumbling, for me, made me shocked. Made me see how much he's… well, caring for me. And even though I knew I'll be in trouble for this, I still felt proud of him.

Now, I'm sitting in the car next to him. He's still grumbling. He's still swearing and cursing Mr. Marsh. And weirdly, it makes me happy. Something tells me Dad really hates that man. I'm okay with that. Because I hate Ander too. Something we have in common.

I look out of the window, not knowing what to do. He hasn't said anything to me. Yet. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna slip out of this one.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" Dad spat, this time loud enough for me to hear, "Thinking his son can get away with anything he does? Thinking he can rule this town? Not as long as I'm alive!"

I'm still looking out of the window, watching the faded colors, driving too fast to grasp them, but smile at what he said. I couldn't agree more.

He hits the brake, sending me shooting towards the window, only to be stopped by the seatbelt.

I look at him, surprised.

"Traffic light." He mumbles.

I shift in my seat, uncomfortably weary.

We both wait for the light to turn green. No one wanting to say anything. My hands fidget in my lap, uncontrollably.

"Was it true?" Dad says. I think he said it to me.

I look at him, eyebrows raised, questioningly.

He motions behind us with his head, "What that Walker said back there?"

I flush when I hear his name. Still, a little if not whole, ashamed at myself. Because the way he was looking at me, disappointment in his brown shrewd eyes, made me feel guilty. Made me think I was to blame when clearly I wasn't. I didn't start it.

"What did he say?" I clear my throat but my voice still comes hoarse, shaky.

Dad frowns, "You telling me you didn't bother listening to what he ranted about?"

I shrug.

Dad nods, gruffly, but even with that, I could tell a hint of impression in his eyes.

"But you did do it, didn't you?" He inquires.

He means if I punched Ander or not.

I sigh, but didn't have the heart to lie when it was obvious, "Yeah."

The cars start moving around us, so Dad presses his foot on the accelerator, driving home in the middle of a pinkish sky.

The silence of judgment is killing me, so I speak up, "I didn't start it though."

Dad grunts a "huh", as if considering this, tapping his fingers at the steering wheel.

But he hasn't scolded me. He hasn't yelled at me or told me he'll deal with me when we reach home.

"But you still punched him, right?" Dad pushes, and I could feel his eagerness to know.

I open my mouth to answer but he horns hard at a wild driver speeding by to interrupt me.

It gives me time to think if I should really tell him or not. If he'll react in a not-so-good way at what I'll say.I hesitate, finally murmuring, quietly but firmly, "I did. And I'd do it again if he ever comes near me."

The last part I thought I said in my head at first. But when Dad stares at me with wide eyes, I gulp. He's gonna flip now. He really is. I'm probably going to get grounded and-

He's laughing. He's actually roaring with laughter and amusement.Like I told him the most hilarious joke ever. I frown in confusion at him. This isn't supposed to happen. Why's he laughing at this?

"What?" I say as his mirth dies down.

He shakes his head, chuckling.

"It's just…" He starts, but shakes his head again, smiling ear to ear.

"What is it?" I stare, curiously.

"You know, Lukas." He smiles at me, a meaningful yet mischievous smile, "I'd have done the exact same thing if I were you."

It takes a moment for me to digest this, but when I do, I grin.

His face grows a bit serious, but his smile's never gone. "Gotta show those Marsh's sometimes that they're not god, you know."

I scoff in agreement, "Tell me about it."

This reminds me of something. Of how when Jesse used to get in trouble.But how Dad always supported her.Protected her. Told Mom – who'd be in a full fledge freak out – that it isn't a big deal.

Is this how she felt? Happy to know that there's someone who'll always be there no matter what. And if that's what she felt, was it a good thing or not? Did supporting her in every way made her think she can do whatever she wants? Is that why-?

I swallow and stop thinking. Cause it makes me want to know this blank man sitting beside me even more.

"And to think his big bully of a son couldn't fight you off." Dad continues. "But then again, no one can possibly beat my son, now can they?"

And I swear he's bragging about me right now. The man I always arguewith, sometimes thought who never liked me. But now…

I think we'll get along bloody well.

"But don't expect your ma to be happy about this." Dad warns, turning into our street, "I mean I'll try to get her to understand but I'll guarantee you'll be getting grounded for at least a week."

"I think I can take that."

"'Course you will."

"But still, son," He advices, making me look at him again, "You gotta work for Marsh and let me tell you, he ain't an easy man to bear. I bet he's gonna make it hard on you. You tell me when he does, alright?"

"You really hate him don't you?" I say, still grinning.

He frowns, rolling his eyes. "Don't tell me you don't."

I laugh, softly.

But he doesn't. He keeps driving, but I can tell that he isn't focused anymore. His eyes seem blur, his expression confused and faded.

He really hates them.

And that makes me wonder.

"Got a bad history with them?" I ask, but in a hushed tone.

Because I'm not sure I should ask that. But he hears me either way.

He stares at me. I know what he's thinking. How did I even guess that? For him, it probably came out real random but well, I already saw it coming.

He nods, for no reason at all, sighing, "Just… stay away from them alright?"

I shrug.

We stay silent for the rest of the short drive home, me staring out of the window, and him, repeatedly chewing his lips and exhaling noisily. I could see through the reflection of the mirror that he looks anxious. He looks like he keeps on thinking about something he doesn't want to.

Bad memories? I gotta say I have these moments too.

But it gets my head spinning with questions.

What is he hiding, exactly?