Chapter 4

I jump up from my bed covered in sweat and shock, I had the same dream, I grabbed my phone from pocket and look at the time, 0.33, I put my phone back onto the bedside table and walk over to the door and leave the room I open my mum's door to an empty bed, "mum" I call out to a deserted room, no response,  I close the door behind me and head to the bathroom, I turn the tap and wait for the water to gather some heat. I look at myself in the mirror above the sink, still, in my school uniform I take my clothes off and splash my face with water, I walk over to the shower and turn it on and walk back to the mirror and analyses my body and I notice a bruise on my lower thigh I press down it, "ow" I whisper, I never have seen that before, it wasn't there this morning I think to myself, I push the thought to the back of my head and jump into the shower, I can't stop thinking about that dream, why did I have the same dream ?.

After my shower I dry my body and change into my old shorts and a baggy top and walk back to my room but before I put my hand on the handle of the door I hear a quite sobbing sound from downstairs I slowly walk down stairs and keep my movements to a minimum and the sound starts to become louder as I get closer to the bottom , I reach the last step and take a deep breath , I turn round the corner but nothings there the living room is empty the sound carries on so I turn around and enter the kitchen to find my mother crying on the counter top while drinking a bottle of wine , "mum" I say with uncertainty , " Liam , what are you doing awake?" she says while sniffing and wiping the tears away  from her cheeks , " I woke up and took a shower why are you crying ?" , she sniffs and takes a swing of wine , " nothing I'm fine" she says with no emotion , " mum , tell me" I say comfortingly , I close the door behind me and walk over to my mum and the smell of smoke fills my nose, I place my hand on her shoulder as she completely ignores what I said, " mum go to bed" I say while stroking her shoulder , " okay" she says while grabbing her bottle of wine and her packet of cigs from the counter as she stands she stumbles and before she falls I grab her and help her towards the stairs she pushes herself off me and climbs the stairs. She stumbles and struggles as she reaches the last step as she reaches the landing she falls to the ground, I run up the rest of the stair and help her up, "thank you" she whispers, I open the door and I help her through it , she falls onto the bed and I pull the covers over her body, "night" I whisper as I leave the room and before I close the door behind me, I look back and look at her fragile body as she turns over and swings her arms over and hits the desk beside her , knocking her tea from earlier onto the ground "shit" she says softly and simply turns back around , I smile and let out a small laugh and turn back around and leave the room with a smile covering my face.

The next couple of days pass quickly , I got though some more books and helped my mum almost every night ,  but I have had the same dream every single night and last night I woke up and had the worst panic attack I have ever had , I went to the doctors today I asked my6 mum to go with me but she I'm said no , I went by myself and  I told the man about my dreams and that I have been having the same dream every single night he said that it could be just trauma from my dad being missing and that I can't except closer so he got me an appointment with a therapist and the appointment is set next week on Thursday , I'm still considering if I should go , I haven't told my mum about it be because she has her own problems to deal with she doesn't need me piling my problems on to hers , but here I am In my room reading again since I got home from the doctors , I put the book down beside me and think of something to do , I pace up and down my room , I don't want to watch tv it bores me there's nothing entertaining about people pretending to be someone else to entertain people , I just don't think tv is for me , horror movies bore me , I think that a horror story should be written in a book and not being reacted by people who are getting paid to be scared .  I gathered a thought to look through my dad's stuff, I haven't looked through them yet since he went missing but I always have wanted to something just tells me not to, but I'm done waiting till I build up the courage to look at them, I run down the stairs and run through the kitchen until I get to the door of the basement, my hand rests on the handle, my heart starts to pound and my breath quickens, I haven't been down here since dad went missing, this was his hideout, this is where he came to relax, to write, to read, to work. I open the door and the cold air hits me in my face and I step back and the walk forward  I flip the switch and the light flickers and struggles to light up but finally lights up the stairs In front of me, I walk down the loud and unsteady stairs, I reach the bottom of the stairs and let my eyes follow the room, we sold half of his stuff to keep us from being evicted from the house a while back,  there's a couch that's green and the cushions that have sunken and covered in dust, a pile of boxes stand next to them and boxes form like walls around the room, and that's all that occupies the room, so I start opening books of junk and stuff that I never really thought about before.