January 3, 1990 - Daffodils (Part 1/3)

"Heather Lavender. It signifies loneliness. I want you to move on, and forget everything. In the very last part of this letter, remember, that I want the best for you. As the heather lavender is beneath the daffodil, loneliness is the past, and a new start awaits."

-Sol, Heather Lavender (May 29, 1990).

Start. Candy thought life was all flowers and chocolates. Even though she wasn't the prettiest, nor the smartest, not the most popular, not very good in singing, nor in dancing, shy enough to never consider public speaking— she was happy. She thinks she's enough for herself as she was very passionate about one thing— reading.

As an avid reader, Candy would often convert the gloomiest of emotions to the most uplifting and relaxing auras by opening a book of her choice. For her, books are a portal to a world unfounded. With her passion for books, it wasn't very surprising that she took a liking to writing. Even the most intricate and abstract ideas can be turned into a reality with the use of a pen and a sheet of paper. It was like a world of her own.

Books made her happy, melancholic, furious, elated, nostalgic and sad on terms she could agree to. If she'd wanted to be happy, all she needed to do was open a book. If she'd want to feel nostalgic, she'd open up a book that would take her to her past that never happened.

Even though Candy was happy with how her life was going, she wasn't that happy. After all, her books could only do so much. Even with the presence of her best friend and the university librarian, Ms. Ellen, she was still feeling that something— no someone was missing from her life. That was when everything finally changed. She met that someone and that someone's name was Major.

Major isn't very dreamy. Like Candy, he isn't the most handsome, nor is he very intelligent, but unlike Candy, he is popular. As you can see, Major is particularly good in something— dancing. He could do the sickest moves on a stage of a thousand people, and still would do it flawlessly. He had the nerves of steel.

He would radiate confidence and charisma, which made him a particularly attractive partner, especially to someone as timid and closeted as Candy. She feels like Major was the proton that would attract to her electron.

Fortunately for Candy, Major though the same thing. Major liked it how Candy was different from the others. He felt that she was different. Unfortunately for Candy, Major thinking she was different doesn't really mean Major loved him.

It just means that she was nothing more than different from others, an outlier. Throughout their relationship, it was always Candy trying her best to be a suitable partner for Major while he was taking her for granted.

"Let's break up" Major uttered the three words Candy never wanted to hear but was expecting anyway.

"W-why?" Candy stuttered as she feels her tears were about to fall.

She can feel her world crashing. She can feel it in front of someone she loved for the longest time. She can feel him crashing her very own world.

"It wasn't obvious enough for you after how I treated you these past few months?!" said Major, as he now feels a bit of remorse, while he saw the eyes that used to glisten now fill with tears.

He slowly starts to bend his knees on the freshly wet grass and slowly starts uttering "I'm sorry. I never felt that I loved you. I could feel that you loved me, but for our relationship to continue— we need to be both at least be in love with each other."

Now in a rising tone, Candy starts to reveal her suppressed emotions. She was feeling anger she never even imagined she could feel.

Without hesitation, she shouted, "So you had to wait two years? Two years to confirm your 'love' to me?! I had to act dumb in front of you for two years? I wasted time, money and emotions for a mere confirmation of your feelings that turned out to not be in my favor?!"

Trying to stand on both his two feet again, Major uttered "I'm so sorry, I really am. I didn't want to lose you. You were perfect, shy, smart, cute and truthfully, quite eaz—" He halted his very words realizing what the next word was. He suddenly felt ashamed and quite frankly, started to glow in the red tint of humiliation.

"Quite easy?!" Candy uttered in disbelief. "Say it. I'm easy. I'm a giant pushover and I'm quite easy!"

Now fuming with anger, Candy felt that she couldn't hold it in any longer. She could barely resist her desires to slap Major.

"I am so easy to order around and influence that maybe I can be an asset to you. Maybe I can help you with your studies, or maybe I can buy you beverages whenever you are thirsty after dance practice just like how I did for the past 2 years! If all you wanted was someone that would but things for you, then you should have dated a maid!" .

Candy couldn't understand anything. She felt dizzy. She doesn't know what to do anymore. After feeling like she has been used for the past two years, she just wants to crawl up in a box and evaporate. Finally, after a millisecond of thought, she hastily walks away with her back facing Major.

"I'm really sorry, Candy!" Major shouted as his voice was slowly fading away in a distance.