Hidden Desires

Where the hell am I? What happened to Shayna? Why is it so dark in here?

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the kind-hearted kid Xavier," An indistinct chatter, but somehow I have heard it near me.

"Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"You probably won't be able to remember, but I was the one who trapped you in here for the last six years," What the hell does this person is talking about?

"Just tell me, where I am? At one moment, I was just with a woman named Shayna, then after I lost consciousness, here I am," Although, I dont remember being here. There is this unquestionable feeling that I somehow have a deep connection in this place. Which made everything a lot more uncanny.

"Yes, you are right. This place is your unconscious state of mind, and I was the one who trapped you in here for the last six years. Also, I can hear your thoughts. Because I have no physical body, and this space is my turf. Everything within this area is within my reach, so whether you quietly converse with yourself. It will all be useless since I can distinguish your way of thinking," With its statement, it was clearly not a person but something which is a part of me.

"Okay, so let me get our facts straight here. This is a place in my mind, or rather not a place but somewhere hidden deep inside my mind? Is that what you wanted to say? So if this is my unconscious state of mind, then what are you? Are you some kind of guardian of some sort? It would seem a bit laughable, but I was actually mocking something without even knowing what it was. Crazy right?

"In the concept of psychoanalytic theory, there are the three distinct interacting agents which is what others call as SuperEgo, Ego and Inner Demon. The three of us have our own respective section in your state of mind. Therefore, I have the entire responsibility for the unconscious state of mind, which is the territory for your hidden desires. Dont care about the other since it's their position. However, I am your Inner demon. To put it in simpler terms, I am your desires put into words," The explanation of this unknown entity doesn't make sense. Since there hasn't been any theory that supports this claim. Henceforth, a person that can access their stage of mind is still an unknown factor up until now.

"Are you stupid, or it's because you were trapped for six years in this abyss that it lessened your instinct? By now, you should have known that you're not just an ordinary person. You have been involved in many strange phenomena and still think that anything is impossible around you? " Well, what my inner demon might probably be the truth. Since all of the occurrence from the start has been out of this world.

"Let's say that what you are telling me is true. Then why the hell did you trap me here in the past?" I was kinda furious since I felt that I have wasted a hefty amount of time living in a world of nothingness.

"First of all, it was your subconscious mind who pulled you right out of your conscious mind. You lost your consciousness, and I can finally control your mind into doing what you desire. However, that damn superego intended to halt my actions."

"Okay, then are you finish? Can I return now?"

"You make me laugh. What can a weakling like you do? Hide behind your alternate personality and let him do all the work? You are nothing but a coward who can't even fight back. Augustine, and your boss, they dont deserve to have a friend like you. Why dont you just die and let them have their freedom? Protecting others while you can't even do that to yourself? What a bunch of lies."

"Can't you see that I'm trying everything I can do to prevent it from happening? I've done everything I could to protect those important to me, but is that still not enough? Dont you know that I am also suffering? Every day, I wished that I was powerful, and I hoped that I was courageous, but what can I do? Eventhough I try, I'm just that little kid back as to how I was in the past?" I couldn't help myself but release my frustrations about how I lived my life.

"Then why dont you kill them? Slaughter them into pieces. It is your deepest desire to be freed from your family. But at what cost can you sacrifice for your freedom? One of you has to die for everything to end if you hesitate, you'll be the first one to pass away. They were ready to kill you without any exception because of greed. Still, you kept hoping that somewhere deep inside their hearts, they'll acknowledge you as a part of their family. Wake up from your delusional thoughts. This ain't a fairytale meant to be pleasant."

"So what are you suggesting that I murder someone just to be free? Is there any other way for everything to end? Why can't you recommend something that doesn't have to do with something like that?"

"Please stop giving me credit for this. I have told you earlier that I am just your hidden desires put into words. So basically, I am the embodiment of the devil inside of you. What I have proposed is your own thirst. You'll be the one who won't be able to resist the temptation because of the people you want to protect. What was her name again? That lady who has been appearing in your dreams? Shayna, that's right. If you wish to have a peaceful life, you have to make sacrifices to achieve your own greed for freedom."

"I'll do everything in my power to prevent such things from happening, but I will never ever resolve in using violence."

"Since things turned out to be like this, the only solution for you to wake up from your illusions is to show you the heart-rending visions of the possibilities," After my Inner Demon stated that. A lot of images flashed into my mind.

It was the most horrendous vision I have ever seen, as it flashes into my mind. Unfamiliar feeling suddenly struck my body, excruciating pain that starts emitting from the center of my body, extending right into my heart. Augustine is undergoing extreme pain because of multiple bruises. My boss being tortured alongside the doctor who assisted in my treatment.

However, that doesn't end from there. The loathsome vision that might smash my brain into smithereens is watching Shayna. The girl I have met in my dreams and the reincarnation of the one I love. Being shot numerous times with the hope of trying to protect me. From our past lives, till this lifetime, anyone who involved themselves with me either dies or mourns in agony. Everything repeated along with excruciating pain, making me live in an illusion meant to put me to misery.

So this is what my Inner Demon wanted to show me. These are the possible future if I hold back. And still, hope for something that doesn't seem to happen. I'll only abandon those people who supported me all throughout the way. Maybe what he suggested is really the only solution left to have the life that I deserve.

"Now, do you finally get what I have been trying to tell you? Being kind-hearted wouldn't do you any good. There are times that you have to let your inner demon unleash its wrath for it to protect those you love. Because as good as you are now, you're just a scared little kid who can't even handle guarding his self against his siblings. You have an undeniable strength, to begin with. However, because of your soft-hearted personality, you dont have the guts to use it properly. In the end, you'll only be the one who'll be hurt if you dont eat up that messed up convictions of yours," Although my Inner Demon was trying to tell me the purpose why he had shown me this. I cannot fully understand what it was trying to say. The pain that this vision brings to my emotional and mental health is somehow unbearable.

"You'll pass out at this rate, but fear not because it will be your ticket to return to the present. However, if you want to have control over your morality. Then you should be able to handle all of that and accept it fully. Once you get back, everything will change, and there will be things that might lead to something you didn't expect to happen," my inner demon added to its response.

Before I could even reply, when I closed my eyes, there wasn't anything left that I could see. But the unfamiliar feeling still remained in the insides of my body.

And then, suddenly, while I was unconscious, I heard someone calling the name Xavier.