chapter 5

It took me a life time to recognize, the guy in the fifties sitting there , with these dirty clothes , I saw our keys in his hand , he still keep them , but why now ?

-Dad ? is this you ?

His eyes were empty and red , he was drunk , I helped him get into the living room , took my phone wanting to call my mother ; he stopped me ; no please , don't call her , he begged . I just wanted to see you , I miss my precious child , I felt tears in my eyes , all I wanted is to ask him , where have he been all this time , why did he never came back ? But I felt like it wasn't the moment or the best place to torture him, I let him sleep on the sofa, he wasn't hungry , and I was too tired to make dinner , he was snoring too badly , but I just missed my dad being home , that I simply ignored his sound and get back to sleep . that morning I woke up early , I was excited to make my dad a decent breakfast , which I'm sure he didn't had since forever , but when I went downstairs , the living room was empty ," he left "I whispered disappointed , then I saw a piece of paper on the table next to the couch where he slept ; I have to go darling , I love you  . I felt empty and sat down and cried , I felt sad that he didn't even let us the chance to have a talk , and then it reminds me of kevin's letter , I got up upstairs and find in my bag back , the book was one of my favorite saga; Harry potter , I smiled and wondered how the hell he knew about  this , and then I opened the letter …

Dear pretty boy ,

I never know from where to start , when I have a conversation , but it's  never the case , once I put my pen anchor in the paper , especially to you , I know that you are overthinking right now , wondering what is happening , it's simple , I like you , I love the way you dress , the way you smile and laugh when you are around your friends , I didn't know you were bullied , I would have beaten up those guys , I love how strong you are , you will say that I don't know you , so I can't love you ? do u believe in love from the first sight ? I first saw you two years ago in the American center , I never had the chance to talk to you , I was so scared of your reaction , but this is my senior year , I will go abroad next year , and it was my last chance , I felt so happy when I heard your laugh in front of your class that day , I couldn't believe my eyes , my crush was there in front of me . don't ask how I knew you are fun of HP , I've been stalking you  for almost two years , don't panic , I am joking , don't worry I'm not that bad , but I still have so much things to learn about love , and I would like to ask you out . spending some time with you and be myself around you , is the most precious thing I got .

Yours .

I kept reading it over and over again , I thought I was unseen , but that guy , could see me , and I freaked out , I never wanted to be seen , my heart was racing in my chest I know that he was waiting for an answer , but I'm not ready to talk to him any time soon , pathetic isn't it ? put yourself in my place what would you do ?

I put the letter away , and went for a walk , I send a text to Neil , apologizing to him , we were supposed to meet up , this afternoon at his place , to do the assignment together  ,  but I couldn't even think straight , mom has to be home tonight , but how can I tell her that my dad who was been missing for ages came back , or it will be more wise to not tell her anything , as I was walking in the streets of the cursed city , where I saw myself grow and becoming the men I am today , I find myself in front of a coffee I used to come to , when my dad was a part of our small family , I sat down and get an orange juice then I read a title from a magazine , which was left by a random costumer  << love is the beautiful kind of fear >>  I didn't know what to decide , but I have a work to do , and it wasn't Kevin and his letter who will let me , give up on everything , I send Neil my location so he can come and bring his laptop with him .

_Hey , u okay ? he said , once he came , I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even notice , how cute he was , and he smelled good . Unlike me , who just wore my jogging on , not even expecting to see him that well dressed , I felt my cheeks turning red , he smiled .

_ Yeah, sorry something comes out, I couldn't go to your place, and I find it easy to be in a coffee, one of my most favorite places , I replied .

_ okay no worries , I bring my laptop and some research I did , during this whole week  , he claims , proud of himself .  it makes me laugh how involved he was , I was pretty sure he never done any team work before – apart bullying me and maybe other poor people - I saw how excited he was , and I was glad he was changing , and I promised myself to have a serious conversation about this with him someday _when he is ready _

We worked for straight two hours , and we took a break , I was exhausted , he was so easy going , sometimes I couldn't focus on anything he was saying , looking at his bright eyes and lips , he make me less nervous , I feel pretty comfortable with him , now my heart keep racing fast when I feel his gaze on me , studying every detail of me , and I can't do nothing about it . he then suggested to take me home , and I agreed , I love having small talk with him on the way home . Until then I never thought that something never going to be between us , we were just friends , right ?